10 Effective Strategies To Convince Someone To Do Something, Psychologists Say

The need to master the art of persuasion isn’t limited to politicians, lawyers and salespeople. “Knowing how to effectively convince someone to do something is important because it helps in creating collaborative and cooperative relationships, whether in personal or professional settings,” says Dr. Brittany McGeehan, Ph.D., a Texas-based licensed psychologist. “While it can sound manipulative…the reality is that we are always seeking to exert our influence on someone else.”

For instance, you might want to get your boss to listen to your opinion at work for the good of the business. Parents face an arguably taller task daily: getting a toddler to tie their shoes so you can get out the door and arrive no more than five minutes late.

“When we know how to play to our strengths and gain influence, we not only build our own confidence but also can ensure that goals and tasks are effectively executed,” Dr. McGeehan says. “This is particularly true if you know how to motivate others positively while building rapport.”

If presenting a winning argument isn’t your strong suit, the good news is that you can learn the skill even if you were cut from your high school debate team. Experts backed by psychology share the eight most effective ways to persuade someone to do something.

Related: 12 of the Best ‘I Statements’ To Use in Arguments, According to Psychologists

How To Convince Someone To Do Something: 10 Strategies, According to Psychologists

1. Employ empathy

Dr. Catherine Nobile, Psy.D., the director of Nobile Psychology, recommends practicing empathy during conflicts, especially if one party is being stubborn.

“When people feel understood, they feel valued and heard. Empathy helps to bond people,” Dr. Nobile says.

2. Appeal to their self-interest

When a person is hesitant or undecided on a personal or professional matter, Dr. McGeehan says it’s often helpful to center their interests.

“We are creatures of self-interest,” Dr. McGeehan says. “Naturally, we want to do well. Highlighting what they stand to gain from a particular action makes the request more internally compelling, which not only offers an opportunity for them to engage in the behavior but also for lasting change.”

3. Appeal to emotions

We’re also emotional beings, which is why marketers and fundraisers use this strategy constantly.

“Emotions are really strong motivators for acting and can often influence decisions more than logic,” Dr. Nobile says. “Use stories or anecdotes to connect with your audience on an emotional level.”

4. Social proof

Whether consciously aware of it or not, we’re always looking for clues from others about what defines “appropriate” behavior in any given situation, says Dr. Mary Poffenroth, Ph.D., a neuro-hacking biopsychologist and author of Brave New You.

“Showing that similar people have already embraced a proposal alleviates concerns about sticking out and activates reward pathways linked to group acceptance,” Dr. Poffenroth says.

Related: 16 Things People With High Emotional Intelligence Often Say, According to Psychologists

5. Reciprocity

Dr. Poffenroth says that our neural circuitry has evolved so that reward centers in our brain activate significantly when we receive favors from others.

“Offering something of modest value to someone first, such as a small gift or helpful information, can trigger this hardwired sense of obligation to return the gesture when a request is later made,” Dr. Poffenroth says. 

6. Create a sense of urgency

In certain instances, stressing the importance of acting quickly can drive results.

“This tactic is big in sales,” Dr. McGeehan says. “For sales of a product or services, urgency is very effective in converting leads. It can be helpful when you are trying to fill an offer or sell a certain product in a limited amount of time.”

You might also use it with friends and family if your holiday social calendar is genuinely filling up, but use it with caution and know your audience, as putting the pressure on can be a turn-off for some.

7. Provide logical evidence and reasoning

It’s logical and reasonable to include this strategy—even in the modern era.

“This is helpful in personal predicaments such as disputes with a landlord, claims you might want to make to a human resource professional or any matter that arises in your life where conflict is at play,” Dr. Nobile says.

8. Ask for their opinion or input

This one might feel like a plot twist, so stick with us.

“People are more likely to support an idea if they contributed to it. Involving someone in the decision-making process makes them feel valued and increases their investment in the outcome,” Dr. McGeehan says. “All of a sudden, it’s not my idea. It’s our idea—who wouldn’t be in favor of one of their ideas?”

Dr. McGeehan says this one is ideal for a collaborative environment where someone is hesitant or resisting. 

“For example, perhaps a mother and father have decided that the family as a whole needs to get involved in volunteering more, and the children are not interested,” she says. “They may let them know that volunteering as a family is not a choice. However, they would love for the children to help them choose the organization they work with.”

9. Communicate respect for the person’s time and effort

If you’re requesting something that involves adding to a person’s physical or mental load, acknowledging that is helpful, says Dr. Brandy Smith, Ph.D., a licensed psychologist with Thriveworks.

Dr. Smith suggests, “I know what I am asking will take more of your time than usual, along with extra effort, and I appreciate your willingness to invest both to help us achieve success/make progress.”

10. Show (and tell) a little faith

There’s magic in giving another person a confidence boost.

“Let it be known that you know the person can satisfactorily complete what has been requested,” Dr. Smith says. “Reference past experiences, data and knowledge that lets the person know why you [believe] they have the ability to do what is asked.”

Related: 12 Genuine Phrases to ‘Instantly Brighten’ Someone’s Day, According to a Psychologist

The #1 Mistake To Avoid When Trying To Convince Someone To Do Something

Manipulation or coercive tactics are a no-go in Dr. Nobile’s book. “Such tactics destroy trust in relationships, foster resentment and trigger resistance,” she says. “People might acquiesce in the short term but are unlikely to be committed to the task.”

A common form of manipulation or coercion involves packing someone else’s bags for them—sans permission—and sending them on a guilt trip.

“Not only does this create resentment, but it also damages trust and respect in the relationship,” Dr. McGeehan says. “Guilt-tripping is making someone else responsible for your feelings, and your feelings are always your responsibility.”

Essentially, no one wins—but you really lose and may struggle to convince the person to see and do it your way in the future.

“When you manipulate people—intentionally or not—you are undermining your own integrity,” Dr. Nobile says. “Such coercive or manipulative approaches damage relationships, and as a result, meaningful influence is less likely to be achieved.”

Instead, Dr. Nobile recommends using respectful and collaborative approaches to persuade someone.

“They’re much more likely to be effective than any other approach and much more likely to benefit everyone involved,” Dr. Nobile says.

Up Next:

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Sources:

• Dr. Brittany McGeehan, Ph.D., a Texas-based licensed psychologist
• Dr. Catherine Nobile, Psy.D., the director of Nobile Psychology
• Dr. Mary Poffenroth, Ph.D., a neuro-hacking biopsychologist and author of Brave New You
• The Nucleus Accumbens and Pavlovian Reward Learning. Neuroscientist
• Dr. Brandy Smith, Ph.D., a licensed psychologist with Thriveworks