We’ve all seen those people who carry themselves flawlessly in public, exercising kindness and warmth while being genuinely interested in all those they speak with. There’s just a way about them that’s admirable, “classy” even, and they are always poised, cool and graceful. And they do all this with authenticity to boot—there’s no fakery here.
While these qualities come naturally for some, one trait can actually be learned, and it’s something you can keep in mind when you interact with others in public—this includes colleagues, community members and casual acquaintances (or publicly on social media). This trait is keeping some things close to the cuff, opting to never, ever reveal certain details about yourself when you’re in public.
These topics when you’re among your closest, best friends? It can be a free for all! But for presenting yourself in a more public-friendly way, consider keeping these five topics under your hat.
Related: 14 Surprising Things You Should Never, Ever Reveal About Yourself to Your Boss and Why, According to Psychologists
What Makes a Person “Classy”?
Jodi R. R. Smith, etiquette expert at Mannersmith, says that historically, someone who was thought of as “classy” was someone from an upper (i.e. wealthy) class.
“The wealthy would not refer to themselves this way—only those on the outside would use this term,” she says. “The upper class families had the money to educate their children, they often spoke multiple languages, ate well (both higher quality food and more often) and were able to travel. The wealthy had a standard of behaviors that were deemed appropriate in specific situations. These behaviors were taught, managed and maintained as a way of easily identifying each other along with those who were not.”
Nowadays, the definition of “classy” has changed. In fact, according to Smith, it’s entirely possible to spot wealthy people being unclassy and behaving badly while those from humble means can radiate tons of class. Things like confidence, good manners, thoughtful communication and emotional intelligence are more so associated with class.
Related: Please and Thank You! 50 Etiquette Rules to Live By—All Approved by Experts
Why It’s Not a Good Idea To Reveal Too Much About Yourself in Public
Smith points out that back in the day, small faux pas and occasional indiscretions could be forgotten.
“But we now live in an age of instant recordings and documentations that can be shared worldwide in a matter of moments,” she says. “Care should be taken with both words and actions until you know and can trust the company you keep. An offhand remark can be quickly taken out of context and widely misperceived.”
Additionally, there can be safety concerns if you reveal too much about yourself in public, especially if you’re posting on social media. If you disclose details that you should probably keep to yourself, you could be compromising your safety and privacy.
5 Things Classy People Never, Ever Reveal About Themselves in Public
1. Financial Status
“Rich or poor, classy people do not discuss their financial status as a social conversation,” Smith says. “It is boorish for the wealthy to brag about their wealth and it is rarely an interesting conversation for those with lesser means.”
2. Personal Grudges
Smith explains that classy people do not advertise unresolved negative personal history or personal grudges with others. For example, if you’re going through a challenging divorce, it’s best not to trash your former partner in conversation with those you’re not close with.
“In casual conversation, it reflects poorly on the speaker,” Smith says.
Related: An Etiquette Expert Is Begging People To Stop This ‘Rude’ Habit in Social Settings
3. TMI Health Details
With your trusted friends and family, it makes perfect sense to share your health struggles and lean on them for support. But when you’re in public and not around those confidantes? You may want to keep those health-related details to yourself. For instance, if you have a terrible cold, stay home instead of going out and telling everyone you have a terrible cold.
Also, as Smith adds, “No stranger should have to endure the details of your bunion surgery in a casual conversation.”
4. “Braggy” Facts
Keeping things classy is also about being a good and caring conversationalist. As Smith says, being genuinely interested in others is a great way to keep a conversation lively. But oversharing or bragging about yourself is not classy.
“A classic example is when asked where they went to school, classy people will say they went to college in ‘Cambridge’ rather than stating ‘I went to Harvard.’ It is not a secret, and when it is appropriate or necessary to reveal, they will. It is just never an opening line,” Smith shares.
5. Over-the-Top Feelings
It is perfectly understandable to share your truest of true feelings and emotions at home or with those you really care about. But you might want to avoid the “big emotional displays,” as Smith calls them, in public. She adds that while classy people of course experience emotions, they tend to moderate their public reactions, which can include yelling, screaming and crying.
Related: ‘I’ve Been an Etiquette Expert for 13 Years—Here’s the #1 Phrase to End Small Talk Without Making It Awkward’
How To Be Open and Honest While Keeping It Classy
If openness and honesty are top priorities for you, you should know that there’s a big difference between being honest and sharing everything. In the interest of being your most authentic self, there’s no rule that you have be a totally open book and every detail of your life has to be shared.
As you determine the level of details you want to share, think about the people you spend time with.
“Think of those in your life as being in concentric circles,” Smith explains. “There are those you are closest to, your nearest and dearest family and friends. Those in the smallest ring will hear most about your life, hopes and dreams. Then as you move to the outer circles, these co-workers, neighbors and acquaintances will know some things, but never everything.”
As Smith says, not everyone you speak to has your best interest at heart. “Consider what you want to tell others, and when,” she continues. “And when in doubt, allow the relationship to build before revealing more.”
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Related: 7 Phrases That Instantly Make You Sound Classy, According to Etiquette Experts
Source
- Jodi R. R. Smith, etiquette expert at Mannersmith
