/cdn.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_asset/file/23906823/VRG_Illo_STK022_K_Radtke_Musk_Smiles.jpg "A study found that X’s algorithm now loves two things: Republicans and Elon Musk")
Whether you’re one of those movieheads who’s on first name terms with Steve who does the popcorn at your local cinema or someone who heads to the cinema purely to stop the kids stripping the wallpaper over half-term, it’s been a puzzling year at the pictures. There’s been a few box-office smashes – Inside Out 2, Deadpool & Wolverine, Despicable Me 4 – and a few viral ones (I’ve never had some many conversations about bodily fluids as in the week after The Substance came out), but otherwise? Long stretches of not so much. So just where is the next cinema-saving Barbenheimer coming from?
Allow me to introduce you to #Paddiator. The hygge Barbenheimer, it’s this autumn’s attempt to crowbar two completely unrelated new movies into a cultural double-header we can all lose our collective shit over. Paddington in Peru and Gladiator II are out with a fortnight of each other in November – don’t ask me what you’re supposed to wear to that double bill – and whether or not they coalesce into a joint cultural phenomenon, they’re both sequels worth getting jazzed up about. Here’s why…
The Nickel Boys (Oct 25)
To me, it’s one of the great injustices of our times that Barry Jenkins’ incredible adaption of Colson Whitehead’s The Underground Railroad was slept on when it first streamed in 2021. Whitehead’s follow-up novel, about two young Black men subject to abuse at a real-life reform school in Jim Crow-era Florida, has been given a similarly bravura, impressionist treatment by RaMell Ross. Different topics, different filmmakers with contrasting styles, but equally powerful visions of life in a system of oppression. Expect awards chat for this one.
Blitz (Nov 1)
Steve McQueen’s new World War II movie pinned audiences back in their seats at this month’s London Film Festival. With Apple TV+’s money behind it, it’s not one of those war movies that looks like it was filmed in a field with nine extras. The scale here is IMAX-worthy. At his best McQueen is the most penetrating UK filmmaker about, and while I wasn’t so hot on his Amsterdam-under-the-Nazis doc, Occupied City, this evacuation epic is a mighty thing. It stars Saoirse Ronan as a munitions worker and Paul Weller as her dad. Yes, The Modfather has become The Modgrandfather. We’re all getting old.
Heretic (Nov 15)
So, this is what Hugh Grant was meant to do all along? Not to play foppishly self-effacing poshos trying to woo American beauties, but egotistical thesps disguised as nuns in Paddington films, slimy tricksters in fantasy capers, and sinister weirdos wearing Terry Richardson frames in this much-hyped A24 horror-thriller. Directed by the co-writers of A Quiet Place, it has Grant as a creepy shut-in who ‘welcomes’ two bright-eyed Mormons into his home. Could this be the great man’s final form? Hope so.
Gladiator II (Nov 22)
Ridley Scott has made 17 movies since Gladiator, so we’ve had time to get excited about the sequel. I’m confident that this won’t be one of those creaky ‘legacy sequels’ like Ghostbusters that’ll dine out on past glories (Maximus will not be appearing from beyond the grave). Not least because Ridders doesn’t really do sequels – Alien aside. The trailer is a barnstormer, with Denzel Washington, Pedro Pascal, Paul Mescal, an angry rhino and one giant indoor sea battle all ample evidence that the Geordie legend has not lost his touch.
Paddington in Peru (Nov 8)
Grant’s old co-star Paddington returns for a third outing that takes him back to his Peruvian roots and will surely make all of our winters a good 40 percent jollier. The only question hanging over this one is whether newbie director Dougal Wilson can match up to the departing Paul King’s warmth, wit and visual invention. The Londoner did so much to make the first two Paddington movies special, but I reckon the signs are good: Wilson comes with all the best bona fides and some incredibly Paddington-y new cast members in Antonio Banderas and Olivia Colman. As something with a strange love of recurring minor characters and a deep enthusiasm for Simon Farnaby, I’m especially excited for the return of Barry the Security Guard.
Babygirl (Dec 20)
Nicole Kidman’s new film is like if you shook out all the regressive gender politics and stressed-out Michael Douglas-ness out of a ’90s erotic thriller and repurposed it into the kind of barbed and (very) sex positive corporate drama you’ll want to talk to your mates about, but won’t know quite how to. Kidman plays a CEO with a kink that only Harris Dickinson’s cocky intern can iron out. I can’t remember her being this good in ages. More movies with Halina Reijn, fewer telly shows with David E Kelley, please.
Nosferatu (Dec 25)
It’s been a killer year for horror, with The Substance, Strange Darling, Longlegs and Late Night With the Devil all successfully depriving me of sleep at various points. So I’m approaching Robert Eggers’ Nosferatu with nervous excitement. Eggers has a knack for enveloping you in a miasma of extreme disquiet – hello, The Witch and The Lighthouse – and the story of long-fingered vampire Count Orlok brings plenty of that on its own. The FW Murnau and Werner Herzog versions are both horror masterpieces. Will it be three from three?
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