Breaking up is hard to do, emotionally and financially | Canada Voices

Everyone knows about the losses that can accompany a breakup. The friends who choose your ex’s side in the split. The coffee shop you can’t go back to because that’s where they get their morning matcha. The sad scroll of deleting couple photos from your Instagram grid.

But there’s one major hurdle of breaking-up that tends to get less press, especially if you weren’t married: The financial fallout of a significant split, and the long road to recovering equilibrium – and equity.

Just ask Azia To, a Canadian finance creator who experienced this challenge first-hand when ending a relationship with a partner who earned less than she did. “[That’s] still uncommon for women in heterosexual relationships,” she says. “That dynamic was used as a reason for him to keep most [of our] shared items.”

She was out-of-pocket for some shared expenses, but ultimately decided to eat the cost in the name of moving on.

“Acceptance can be easier than fighting over every last detail. I was happier leaving with a cardboard box of my things than staying in touch for months just to reclaim a used couch,” says To, who is the founder of HerDailyInvest, a financial wellness club for Toronto-based millennial and Gen Z women.

“In the end, I learned choosing inner peace doesn’t come from getting every dollar back. It comes from knowing when to walk away and let go.”

Still, there are dollars-and-cents practicalities that come with ending a romantic partnership, including replacing that sofa you no longer own, untangling a joining chequing account or figuring out how to live on a single income in an economy that’s tough on even the double-incomed among us. The good news is, even if you can’t always protect your heart while navigating a breakup, you can protect your finances.

Be tactical about shared assets

First things first: Vancouver-based money coach Parween Mander says your priority should be to move your portion of any shared chequing or savings account into an individual account in your own name.

“With joint accounts, either person can legally withdraw funds, so separating your money early helps prevent unnecessary financial stress while you’re navigating an already emotional time,” she says.

On a related note, Mander says you might be surprised about your legal status as a couple, even if you weren’t married – and what that means for any shared assets. The criteria for common-law status varies by province and territory, but if your relationship qualifies, “certain assets or the growth of assets during the relationship may be subject to division, even if everything wasn’t formally combined,” she explains. It may be worth consulting a lawyer if you think this might apply to you.

Whatever the scenario, To advises taking a methodical, clear-eyed approach to dividing shared assets. “Breakups are emotional, but your finances need structure,” she says.

To suggests making three lists: One where you note the areas where you were financially dependent on them (maybe they paid for groceries, while you covered hydro, for example); another where you record any outstanding debts or informal IOUs (like the flights you put on your credit card that they still owe you for); and a third where you lay out who owns what. In each case, decide which items are non-negotiable, and which you can let go.

She also recommends sharing your list with a trusted person before you take it to your ex for discussion.

“Your partner may try to sway you, especially if the discussion becomes heated or emotional, so it’s important to have that list prepared and stay assertive,” To says. “As hard as it can be, it’s important to make financial decisions based on your values, not guilt, fear or resentment. Closure around money creates emotional freedom.”

Beware emotional over-spending

It can be tempting to let your broken heart go wild with your credit card. “It’s very common to fall into ‘nothing matters’ spending after a breakup, especially when money feels like a quick way to soothe emotional pain,” says Mander. “The key to breaking that cycle is to pause and look beneath the spending.”

She suggests identifying what you’re trying to solve – a need for escapism or to feel in control, perhaps – and figuring out ways to meet that need that don’t involve spending.

“Escapism might look like time with friends, movement or a change in routine. Rest might mean boundaries, sleep or asking for help. Prioritizing yourself can come from structure, not just spending,” Mander says. “This approach doesn’t mean never treating yourself. It means making intentional choices so spending supports your healing instead of creating regret or financial stress later.”

Build back better

To advises everyone, regardless of relationship status, to do two things every quarter: Audit your net worth, and check in on your investment strategy. If you’re going through a break-up, it’s even more important. “Once you know your number, planning becomes much easier,” she says.

In the short-term, both experts advise aiming for stability: figure out how to pay for your new single life, ensure you can cover all your costs and prioritize building a three-month emergency fund, if you don’t already have one.

“If you took on debt during the relationship, especially joint or emotionally driven spending, create a clear repayment plan to reduce stress and regain control quickly,” Mander says.

Three to six months post-break-up, To suggests shifting your focus to “rebuilding independence.” Were you saving for a house before the break up? Planning a dream trip? Trying to retire? Now is your chance to map out how you’ll get there in this new chapter.

In the longer term, you’re focusing on your investment strategy, both experts say, and choosing the right mix of investments for your particular goals and timeline.

And who knows, that break-up might just have a financial silver lining, Mander adds.

“Being single can actually offer more flexibility,” she says, “allowing you to design a financial plan that supports both your independence and your peace of mind.”