Sangita Patel is Streets of Toronto’s advice columnist and was previously an entertainment reporter with ET Canada. She lives in Toronto with her husband and two daughters.
Dear Sangita: I’m in love with my best friend’s brother, but I know it would ruin our friendship if I confessed. Recently, though, I’ve gotten the sense that he could feel the same. He randomly asked me if I was free for a movie the week that my friend was on a trip. I’m kicking myself for not saying yes. My friend doesn’t see eye to eye with her brother, so I know she would feel betrayed if I said I had feelings for him. But I really do believe he’s the one. What do I do? — Best friend vs. brother
Dear BVB: I think you should go for it — it’s clear you both care for each other, and you already know each other. There’s something special there.
As for your friend, you need to be honest with her and have a real talk. It’s important that you hear directly from her what worries her about the two of you dating. Maybe it’s a fear that she’ll lose her friend; maybe it’s a feeling of awkwardness for her to hear about her best friend dating her own brother; maybe it’s a fear about what will happen if the two of you break up. But ultimately, it’s her best friend and her brother — she should be happy that you’re both finding someone that you love. I know you say that she doesn’t see eye to eye with her brother, but at the same time, she’ll want her friend to be happy — and if that means her brother is the one for you, that’s a good thing. It’s not about the awkwardness. It’s not about the “what ifs,” it’s about what the heart feels is right.
Dear Sangita: My husband got into a huge fight with his sister over money, and they haven’t spoken for months. I’m really close to her and her kids, but he isn’t letting me have any contact with them. I don’t think this is my problem, and I don’t think it’s fair to our nieces and nephews that I’m not coming around. I want to keep a relationship with all of them, but I also don’t want my husband to feel like I don’t support him. Is there a way to compromise? — Husband gone rogue
Dear Rogue: When it comes to money, it’s a difficult conversation, but you get to be the adult in this situation and talk to both of them and say, “How do you want me to handle this?” Put the ball back in their court. You know what your husband thinks about it, but see what your sister-in-law says. That could potentially bring a conversation between the siblings, where the three of you try to figure this out and you’re the middle person. He is ultimately the source of this problem for you, so get him involved and make him be a part of the solution too. However, for now, I hate saying side with your husband, but you have to live with him and you have kids with him. That relationship is your foundation and should be a priority.
But as for the kids — your husband is being an a**hole! This has nothing to do with them. They shouldn’t be involved and should be able to see their cousins. At the end of the day, you guys are still family. That relationship with the kids is really important, both for you and your children.
Have a question about love, relationships or life for Sangita? Send it to advice@postcity.com or submit it here.
More from Sangita:
Dear Sangita: I snooped through my partner’s phone and I found something concerning. The question is: Do I go back into his phone to see if he’s still talking to people? Or do I admit to my boyfriend that I snooped and ask him straight out if he’s still using it?
Dear Sangita: I’m engaged to a married man. He was supposed to have mailed in the paperwork before he proposed to me, but I found out after that some documents were missing when he did. Was I wrong for calling off the wedding?
Dear Sangita: My New Year’s resolution is to break up with my awful boyfriend and start dating his best friend! His best friend is just a much better fit for me. Neither of us have acted on it, but I want to. How do I do this without breaking up their friendship?
