Grandmas and grandpas are far more than just people who come bearing Butterscotch candy and harrowing tales of walking to school in 40-foot-deep snow.
“Grandparents often hold a unique and powerful role in a child’s life,” shares Dr. Ernesto Lira de la Rosa, Ph.D., a psychologist and Hope for Depression Research Foundation media advisor. “Unlike parents, who are typically responsible for daily structure and discipline, grandparents can offer a steady, nurturing presence that feels less pressured and more emotionally available. Grandparents also help pass down cultural values, traditions and family history, and this gives children a deeper sense of identity and belonging.”
He adds that grandparents can be emotional anchors for kids, especially if they’re stressed at home. If you are a grandparent, Dr. Lira de la Rosa’s words may be equal parts heart-warming and pressure-filled. You (understandably) want to get a powerful role “right.”
Psychologists share that there are no perfect grandparents, but there are some pretty great ones who have long-lasting effects on their grandkids. Here, they share more about grandparents who make the biggest impact on their grandchildren—including the 10 things these individuals usually do.
Related:11 Things a Child Psychologist Is Begging Parents and Grandparents To Stop Doing
10 Ways To Positively Impact Grandchildren, According to Psychologists
1. Be there for the parents without undermining them
Rule No. 1: Remember that, at the end of the day, Mom and Dad will get the final decision (unless you have custody of the grandchild).
“One of the most impactful things a grandparent can do is support their own children as parents,” says Dr. Emily Guarnotta, Psy.D., the co-founder of Phoenix Health. “When grandparents respect the parents’ boundaries and choices, it strengthens the entire family system.”
Another psychologist shares similar sentiments.
“Even if you disagree, modeling respect for the parents teaches the children respect and consistency,” reports Dr. Crystal Saidi, Psy.D., a licensed psychologist with Thriveworks.
2. Show up
As cheesy as it sounds, just being there can make all the difference to a child.
“One of the most impactful things a grandparent can do is spend quality time with their grandchild,” Dr. Lira de la Rosa says. “This doesn’t have to be anything elaborate—just being together, whether reading a book, gardening or chatting during a car ride, can help a child feel valued and loved. Time and attention show a child that they matter.”
Related: Child Psychologists Are Begging Parents and Grandparents To Start Using This One Confidence-Boosting Phrase
3. *Really* listen
Dr. Lira de la Rosa says grandparents can significantly impact their grandchildren by listening openly and with patience.
“When a grandparent listens without immediately offering advice or judgment, the child feels heard and respected,” he explains. “This builds emotional closeness and encourages the child to keep communicating.”
4. Use kind, encouraging words
Dr. Lira de la Rosa loves it when grandmas and grandpas understand the power of words, which he says can make a lasting difference.
“Grandparents who notice and affirm a grandchild’s efforts, whether in school, sports or just being kind, help build that child’s self-confidence,” he explains. “It shows the child that their hard work and who they are as a person are appreciated.”
5. Encourage curiosity and learning
You don’t need a teaching degree to help a child develop into a lifelong learner.
“Grandparents can help encourage a child’s love of learning and introduce them to new things that they otherwise may not have been exposed to,” Dr. Guarnotta says.
She adds that reading together, doing crafts and connecting through other activities help promote curiosity and a desire to learn.
Related: 11 Scientifically-Proven Strategies for Raising Happy Kids and Grandkids, According to a Child Psychologist
6. Keep calm
“Keep calm” isn’t just a meme-friendly phrase. It’s a trait to embody when you’re with your grandkids—even the rowdy ones (especially the rowdy ones).
“When life feels chaotic or stressful, having a grandparent who is consistently supportive and unshaken can be very reassuring,” Dr. Lira de la Rosa says. “Children often remember the sense of comfort and safety they felt just being in their grandparents’ presence.”
7. Role model kindness and compassion
Children have numerous career and educational options these days. However, developing kind kids is more important than developing kids who can code or use AI.
“Modeling kindness and compassion in everyday life teaches children how to treat others,” Dr. Lira de la Rosa says. “Whether it’s showing respect to a store clerk, helping a neighbor or talking about others with empathy, these moments shape a grandchild’s understanding of how to move through the world.”
Related: The Genius Trick for Easier Mornings With Kids: ‘It Changes Everything’
8. Share family stories and pass down traditions
Dr. Guarnotta says grandparents serve as the keepers of family history, culture and traditions. Sharing this wisdom with grandkids can have a profound impact.
“It can give children a sense of identity and belonging,” she stresses. “When grandparents tell stories about their own lives or teach cultural values, they give grandchildren an understanding of where they came from, which strengthens the family bonds and supports healthy development.”
9. Engage in meaningful rituals
Dr. Saidi says that grandparents continue to share family traditions with grandkids and create new ones. Think ice cream on Friday afternoons, after-school FaceTimes, or arts and crafts on Saturdays.
“These rituals can provide comfort, structure and a sense of identity,” she explains.
10. Love them just the way they are
We can overcomplicate things as we try to raise the next generation of humans. However, the simple act of meeting a child where they are with love is perhaps the most important thing you can do.
“Love them for who they are,” Dr. Saidi says. “This kind of unconditional love is the most powerful way to build self-esteem.”
Related:6 Phrases a Child Psychologist Is Begging Parents and Grandparents To Start Saying ASAP
What *Not* To Do if You Want To Make a Significant Impact On Grandkids
All three psychologists agree: Grandparents should not undermine the parents.
“Grandparents should try to avoid disagreements in front of the children, to avoid creating any loyalty conflicts or confusion,” Dr. Saidi stresses. “Respecting boundaries is best for the child’s sense of security.”
Now, this tip goes against the cliche that grandparents are the ones who bring sugar to no-sugar households and let their grandkids stay up late.
“While it may seem harmless to ‘bend the rules’ sometimes, this can be confusing for children and drive a wedge between grandparents and their own children,” Dr. Guarnotta warns. “This behavior also models to grandchildren that withholding information from parents is OK, which can have a negative impact on the grandchild’s relationship with their own parents.”
Speaking of negative, Dr. Lira de la Rosa shares that it’s important to avoid criticizing a child’s parents in front of them.
“Even small comments can make children feel caught in the middle or uncertain about who to trust,” he points out. “It can also create tension in the family and send mixed messages about rules and expectations.”
Up Next:
Related: 16 Things Every Kid Needs To Learn From Their Parents and Grandparents, Child Psychologists Say
Sources:
- Dr. Ernesto Lira de la Rosa, Ph.D., a psychologist and Hope for Depression Research Foundation media advisor
- Dr. Emily Guarnotta, Psy.D., the co-founder of Phoenix Health
- Dr. Crystal Saidi, Psy.D., a licensed psychologist with Thriveworks
