How to declutter family heirlooms without guilt | Canada Voices

Alex Currie grew up in Calgary, across the street from the house her grandparents built in 1962 – the house where her father was raised. After both her grandparents had passed, she decided to buy the ancestral home for herself and her young family. “My husband and I wanted an old house we could fix up,” she says. “We wanted a place with character.”

Original furniture dotted the rooms. “Going through my grandmother’s things after she passed, we found the original bills of purchase,” says Currie. “All the furniture was custom-made from beautiful wood. It cost about $6,000, which seems kind of nuts now. New furniture is so expensive, but it was a different time.”

Packing up one generation to make way for the next can be difficult. “It is one of the hardest issues we have to deal with,” says Mary Dilly, who runs Downsizing Solutions, a company in Burlington, Ont., that helps seniors declutter and their heirs sort through estates.

The work often involves untangling the emotions, family obligations and financial considerations that collide over a thorny question: When it comes to family heirlooms, what should people treasure, toss or take the time to refurbish?

To some, it might be tempting to base the decision on the almighty dollar – safeguard or maybe sell what might be worth the most money. That can be tricky. “Clients always think their stuff is worth a lot,” says Dilly. Spoiler: it often is not. While Royal Doulton dishes and fine crystal might have been highly coveted by a previous generation, they have less value in an era that prizes items that are microwave- and dishwasher-safe.

Janet Carlisle, an antiques and fine arts appraiser in the Ottawa Valley, sees it every day. “A limited-edition print bought for thousands sixty years ago might be worth less than the cost of the frame today,” she says. “The furniture and art market are constantly changing. Even a well-built piece of Victorian furniture might sell for less than $100 right now.” (On the flip side, the value of silverware and gold has skyrocket recently, and some furniture, such as mid-century modern pieces, have held their value).

As an alternative, sentiment can help guide downsizing decisions. “Value can mean different things to different people,” says Carlisle. “It can be very meaningful for someone to hold on to something because it was their mother’s or father’s favourite, and it’s a reminder of them.”

As the publisher of the Vintage Seeker, a resource guide for both resellers and secondhand buyers, Kristina Urquhart is often asked for advice on sorting through heirlooms. “Nostalgia can be one way to value something,” she says. “Another is aesthetic – can something add to your space? For that, I recommend people look beyond what’s trendy right now. An older piece can contribute to a layered, curated look. It can be timeless.”

Utility is another factor to consider. “Maybe it’s just salad tongs,” she says. “But they are really good at picking up salad. Or maybe it’s a sturdy table that would look great with a fresh coat of paint.”

Guilt can be a powerful motivator – one experts suggest avoiding. Carlisle, the appraiser, says, “People feel obliged to keep something because of family pressure. And that’s not fair.”

Urquhart agrees: “Sometimes, giving something a new home is a way to honour the person who gave it to you. Maybe instead of dumping something at a thrift store, passing it on to someone who really needs it could be meaningful.”

For Currie, who bought her grandmother’s house, setting boundaries helped fend off family interference. “My husband and I were very clear when we asked my father and his sisters to purchase the house,” she says. “On the day they turned over the keys, there could be nothing else discussed. It was now our house.”

In deciding what to keep, she partly leaned on the advice of her designer, Lori Sellmer. “The original fireplace was in great shape,” she says. “We just painted the bricks and replaced the hearth with a more modern stone.”

Alex also considered which furniture would work best in her space. “I wasn’t really emotionally attached to certain pieces,” says Currie. “I just thought I would like to keep some of the items so our house didn’t look brand new.”

Among the things she kept were a grandfather clock built by her grandfather, a desk and some chairs. Alex also reused a front hall console. The piece, with curved legs, is more traditional than some of the newer, more streamlined furniture in the nearby living room. But Alex appreciates it nonetheless. “It’s beautiful,” she says. “It’s got some character.”

Handle with care

A quick-start guide to downsizing family keepsakes

Step 1: Start with one room

“The kitchen is usually the easiest,” says Dilly of Burlington’s Downsizing Solutions. “If you open the cupboards and take a good look, you will realize that you don’t need 50 Tupperware containers. And where are those lids anyway?”

Step 2: Tackle old tech

“Basements and crawl spaces tend to be the next easiest,” says Dilly. That’s because those spaces are often where people keep things that are long out-of-date – old TVs, ancient cribs. “People don’t have an issue letting go of TVs,” she says.

Step 3: Take time where it counts

Dilly suggests moving slowly through more intimate spaces – places that contain stronger memories. “Home offices are trickier,” she says. “They contain a lot of keepsakes, the things people are proud of in their professional lives.” Living spaces can also be difficult. “The dining room set is always the hardest item for people to give away,” she says. “So many memories.”

Step 4: Narrow things down

“Sometimes it helps people to put what remains in one room,” says Carlisle. “It can be useful to see things together to better assess what’s left, the condition of items and which pieces continue to have the most meaning.” Plus, gathering items in a single space helps prepare them for moving.

Step 5: Troubleshoot

It’s not always possible to keep an entire furniture suite. “One tip for people who may have trouble getting rid of an object but don’t have the room is to take a picture,” says Urquhart. “It can help to have another way to remember something.”