Irmgard Cajic’s life was about maintaining grace under fire | Canada Voices

Irmgard Emma Cajic: Mother. Wife. Foodie. Gardener. Born March 2, 1934, in Kaunischken, Lithuania; died May 13, 2024, in Brampton, Ont., of cardiac arrest; aged 90.

Irmgard Parachnowitsch was one of eight children, six of whom survived to adulthood, born to Friedrich and Emma Parachnowitsch.

Her idyllic childhood on a working farm upended in 1939 with the start of the Second World War. The German government warned Germans living in Lithuania to leave or face the consequences of the Soviet army and so, her family packed whatever they could onto two horse-drawn wagons.

The war ravaged the farm and her father decided to leave Lithuania for good. The family picked up again and travelled to the Polish Corridor, a strip of land that formerly separated East Prussia from the rest of Germany. They lived in a civilian internment camp for four years, until forced to move again to a town near the Czech border.

Growing up, my sister and I knew little of our mother’s turbulent early years. Asking about her childhood brought tears and silence. However, she freely shared her adventure of coming to Canada alone in 1954. At the urging of her brother, Oskar, she dared to test the waters before he and his family and later, a younger sister, Walda, would join her.

Immigration officials questioned her qualifications as a “certified housekeeper” and hired her on the spot to be the live-in housekeeper for Nathan Phillips, the newly elected Mayor of Toronto. At just 20, she prepared meals for notable political guests and celebrities, such as actor Christopher Plummer.

A few years later, she caught the attention of Nikola Cajic, a new immigrant from Yugoslavia who came to fix the dishwasher at the Phillips residence.

There was instant chemistry. He was so handsome, like Rock Hudson, a Hollywood heartthrob at the time, she said. Intimidated by his looks, she bailed on their first date. When she saw him waiting for her at a streetcar stop, she didn’t get off. But Nikola pursued her and they enjoyed dances at the Palais Royale and the German Club in Toronto. They married in 1961.

The following year, Irmgard was out of work when Nathan Phillips lost the election. But her tender nature had caught the attention of a luncheon guest, Lady Flora Eaton, who hired Irmgard to become her live-in housekeeper until her death in 1970. The couple lived in an apartment adjoining the Eaton mansion in Forest Hill. There, Irmgard and Nikola soon welcomed two daughters, Natalie and Georgina.

She was patient and kind with Lady Eaton but stern with her kids. And, while my mother wasn’t the cuddly type, she made us feel safe and protected. Irmgard worked energetically and devotedly, but she prioritized others’ needs before her own, making her irritable at times and spiky at others.

Perhaps it was responsibility fatigue. Not only did she maintain the household, she also worked in a factory to help out financially as Nikola pursued entrepreneurial ambitions. Later, she worked as a driver for his medical courier business.

Irmgard found contentment in the kitchen. Food was her love language. She loved making borscht, cabbage rolls and Lithuanian kugelis, and also foods from Nikola’s native Bosnia. She mastered ajvar, a roasted red pepper spread, and Balkan-style yogurt.

She enjoyed hosting meals for family and friends and indulging her grandchildren, Annalise, Evan and Kaeden, with potato pancakes topped with sour cream or homemade applesauce.

She loved houseplants and gardening, too. In 2018, before cannabis was legal, Irmgard asked where she could find cannabis seeds. Was she planning to grow it for recreational or medicinal use? I joked. “Oh no, I just like the way the plant looks,” she laughed.

In later years, Irmgard opened up about her impoverished childhood and the challenges of immigration and integration. She teased out her repressed memories, sharing without self-pity.

I smile when I remember her singing Que Sera, Sera (Whatever Will Be, Will Be) so many times. In a way, it was her anthem song.

Natalie Cajic is Irmgard’s daughter.

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