It felt good to return a kindness, even 35 years later | Canada Voices

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By all logic, I shouldn’t be here today – chronic illness came very close to claiming me a long time ago. Yet it was a bit of kindness that got me through, and I recently had the pleasure of repaying that kindness back in a way that was long overdue.

When I was 2 and a half I had a severe stomach hemorrhage that was caught far too late and almost cost me my life. I won’t go into the details, but needless to say it was touch-and-go there for the two weeks I was in hospital.

I was receiving care at Toronto’s Hospital for Sick Children. At SickKids I befriended another young boy named Paul Chernoff, just a year older than me, who was also very ill. My parents remember spending time with Paul and his parents, and the bond that our families formed in that hospital. I was too young to remember him myself but my parents tell me that Paul gave me his Mickey Mouse doll – a favourite toy of his.

I was lucky enough to survive. Paul was not so fortunate.

When I came home from the hospital, Paul’s doll held a pride of place in our family. It sat on a bookshelf separate from the toys that my sister and I enjoyed, and I was given a duplicate doll to play with. My mother and Paul’s mother eventually fell out of touch, but our family treasured his toy for 35 years. I think of Paul whenever I look at it.

Now that I’m older, and my partner and I are not having children, I’ve often thought about the future of the doll after I’m gone. I had long thought about a way to get it back to Paul’s family, but I wasn’t sure that would even be possible. My mother did not remember many details, but I had a few leads to investigate.

When I was at my parents’ house for Hanukkah last month, my mother mentioned that she had gone down to the basement (mostly full of odds and ends, as basements should be), and noticed a beam of light shining through the small window directly onto the doll. I knew at that moment that I needed to find Paul’s family and make this happen.

Through the funeral home’s online archives, and what little info I had from my family, I was able to find Paul’s obituary from 1989. I logged onto Facebook, and I found his sister, who now has a family and four children of her own. She was completely taken aback by this stranger reaching out, but incredibly touched by the gesture.

I was then able to reconnect with Paul’s mother and we’ve been texting ever since. Within only a few hours the doll was safely returned to its original family before the end of the year. They told me the doll brought back a flood of warm memories that they weren’t sure they would ever have again.

There are a few heroes to this story, and rest assured that none of them are me.

The first is Paul. Paul’s life was far too short, but his generosity was incredible and has inspired me most of my life. I don’t know if it was fate that Paul and I ended up connecting, but it’s hard not to believe that he’s been watching over me since, as he does with his own family.

The second are my parents. As I see friends now dealing with raising chronically ill children, I marvel at the strength they showed getting me to where I am today. I’m fine, really, but I sure wouldn’t be without their love and support.

The third, honestly, is Facebook. It can be an incredibly challenging place, full of fake accounts and echo chambers of misinformation. At its best though, it’s reunited long lost relatives, reconnected old friends, and, recently, helped a family regain a treasured heirloom.

Shaun Bernstein lives in Oshawa, Ont.