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Ask a Child Psychologist is a series of columns offering insights and advice on navigating youth emotional and mental well-being. It is not a substitute for professional psychological or medical advice.
We all hope our children will grow up happy, healthy and resilient. Yet even when we do everything “right,” they may still struggle with emotions and behaviours that cause concern – especially as they enter adolescence.
Anxiety and depression are among the most common mental-health challenges in adolescents, and they are not simply phases that young people outgrow. If left unrecognized, these difficulties can affect learning, relationships and self-esteem.
In Canada, the evidence suggests many young people are struggling. A 2024 report by Mental Health Research Canada found 17 per cent of those aged 16 to 24 are likely to report high anxiety and depression levels. And recent national surveys suggest the proportion of adolescents aged 12 to 17 who rate their mental health as “fair” or “poor” has more than doubled in just a few years – from 12 per cent in 2019 to 26 per cent in 2023.
Parenting a child with anxiety or depression can feel overwhelming, but you are not alone. Early recognition, compassionate listening and professional support can help your child heal and thrive.
If you think your child may be experiencing anxiety and depression, here are some things to know.
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Young people express anxiety and depression in different ways
Anxiety and depression often occur together, though they are distinct. Anxiety involves excessive worry or fear, while depression involves persistent sadness, irritability or loss of interest in activities. Adolescents may express these conditions differently than adults.
An anxious teen may not say “I feel worried all the time,” but may complain of stomach aches, headaches or trouble sleeping.
A depressed young person may not verbalize sadness but may be irritable, easily frustrated or unusually lethargic. Clinically, children can be diagnosed with depression based on irritability alone, even without overt sadness.
Possible signs of anxiety include:
- Frequent physical complaints (headaches, stomach aches) without medical cause
- Trouble sleeping, nightmares or needing reassurance
- Avoiding school, social situations or activities once enjoyed
- Overreacting to small mistakes or showing extreme perfectionism
- Restlessness, difficulty concentrating or appearing on edge
Possible signs of depression include:
- Persistent sadness, irritability or tearfulness
- Withdrawal from friends, family or favourite activities
- Declining school performance or loss of motivation
- Changes in sleep or appetite
- Fatigue, lethargy or sluggishness
- Expressions of hopelessness or talk of death or suicide
These signs do not automatically mean your child has a mental-health disorder, but they indicate that something may be affecting them emotionally that deserves attention.
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How to talk to your kid
Creating a safe space for your child to share their feelings is crucial. Here are some tips on how to do that:
Start gently. Ask open-ended questions such as, “I’ve noticed you’ve been more irritable lately. How are you feeling?”
Validate feelings. Reflect back what your child says, for example, “That sounds really hard.”
Avoid judgment or immediate problem-solving. Listening comes first.
Normalize emotions. Remind your child that everyone struggles at times.
Share your own experiences. A brief, age-appropriate story about a time you felt worried or sad can help them feel less alone.
Sometimes, however, a child may resist talking altogether. Children often fear disappointing their parents. A calm, compassionate response – even when they won’t talk – reassures them that their emotions are safe to share, in their own time. Try these strategies:
Respect their boundaries. Forcing conversation can increase resistance. Let them know you are available whenever they’re ready.
Offer alternative outlets. Encourage journaling, drawing or even sending a text if talking face-to-face feels too difficult.
Use indirect approaches. Talking while driving, walking or doing an activity together can feel less pressured.
Reassure consistently. Even if your child doesn’t respond, calmly remind them that you care and are there for them.
Seek support if needed. If your child remains withdrawn and you are concerned, consult a mental-health professional for guidance.
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When to get help
Occasional worry or sadness is normal. Seek professional support if symptoms are persistent (lasting more than two weeks), severe or interfering with daily life. Start with your family doctor or pediatrician, who can rule out physical causes and provide referrals to mental-health professionals.
Seek immediate help if your child expresses thoughts of self-harm or suicide. Take these statements seriously, stay with your child and contact emergency services or crisis lines right away.
In Canada, parents and young people can call or text 9-8-8, the national Suicide Crisis Helpline, which is available 24/7 in English and French. Another invaluable resource is Kids Help Phone, which provides confidential, around-the-clock mental-health support online for kids, teens and young adults.
If you are concerned about your child’s immediate safety, call 9-1-1 or go to the nearest hospital emergency department. Emergency departments can provide urgent care and help to jump-start the process of connecting your child with appropriate mental-health services.
Reaching out quickly can make all the difference – your child does not have to face these feelings alone.
Support at home
Alongside professional support, parents and caregivers can try these everyday practices to help young people experiencing anxiety and depression:
- Regulate your own emotions and respond calmly, not with frustration
- Maintain predictable routines with structure and warmth
- Encourage healthy sleep, nutrition and physical activity
- Foster connections with friends, family and community
- Celebrate effort and small successes, not just outcomes
- Schedule things to look forward to as a family
Dr. Jillian Roberts is a research professor of educational psychology at the University of Victoria. She is also a practising registered psychologist in British Columbia, Alberta, Yukon and the Northwest Territories. She specializes in child and adolescent development, family therapy and inclusive education.
