Dear Sangita: My daughter is 31 and has never been in a serious relationship. I’m starting to worry. She’s very successful and has plenty of friends, but it seems like she just doesn’t want to spend time on relationships. I’ve gently tried setting her up and she always makes excuses. The longer she waits, I imagine the harder it’ll be to actually get into that first real relationship. Does anyone want to date someone who is in their 30s and has never been in a relationship? How do I convince her this is worth her time? — Lonely patrol
Dear Lonely: I get your concern, but truthfully, society is different now. A lot of my friends are in their 40s and they’re not in relationships. They’re career-driven and so fulfilled by their friendships. This is a tough one — because it ultimately is your daughter’s choice, and there’s not much you can do. You have to leave it to your daughter to decide when she’s ready for a relationship. And what you’ll need to learn through this is that your daughter isn’t fearful of relationships or even avoiding them. She’s just not in one right now. Who knows what route she wants to take. She may find someone later on in life or live a totally happy single life. I would celebrate all the ways that your daughter is happy and successful and fulfilled, rather than focusing on the one aspect you feel she might be lacking. And if you do actually know someone who you genuinely think would be good for your daughter, feel free to set them up. But shoving just anyone at your daughter might work against your goal.
Dear Sangita: My sister stole my baby’s name! She got pregnant last year and just gave birth. When I came by to visit her, she handed the baby over to me with a little onesie embroidered with her name — a name that I chose for my kid literally 10 years ago! I don’t have any kids yet, but she always knew this was the one name I wanted. When I asked her about it, she said she wasn’t sure if I ever was going to have kids, and she really liked the name and didn’t think I would mind. I want the name back!— Name ’n’ shame
Dear NNS: You can’t do anything about it now; it’s done. And you can feel a little sore about it for a little bit, but ultimately that’s your sister and your niece. You can’t snatch the name back. Unfortunately, you have to let it go — or when you have a kid, you just use the same name anyway. Of course she was wrong for doing it, but obviously she’s not doing it out of spite. She clearly fell in love with the name and thinks it really fits her child. And sure, it feels like she sprung it on you, but would you have realistically said yes if she asked you in advance? When you’re over the hurt of it, maybe you can reframe this: it’s a compliment that your sister liked the name you picked so much that she named her daughter after it.
Have a question about love, relationships or life for Sangita? Send it to [email protected] or submit it here.
More from Sangita:
Dear Sangita: My wife met my “work wife” for the first time. Now, she has a lot of questions. I thought I was protecting my wife by not telling her too much about her, but now I feel like it’s making me look suspicious. What do I do?
Dear Sangita: My husband discovered I was having an affair, but since it happened he hasn’t mentioned it at all and is weirdly pretending like everything is the same. We have to talk about it, and I know he’s probably hurt. How do I get him to open up?
Dear Sangita: I’m engaged to a married man. He was supposed to have mailed in the paperwork before he proposed to me, but I found out after that some documents were missing when he did. Was I wrong for calling off the wedding?
Dear Sangita: My mom is going through what some might call a mid-life crisis since divorcing my dad, and it’s giving me a lot of stress! I’ll call her at 11 p.m., and she’ll be getting ready to head to an all-nighter club. I want her to be happy, but I also want her to be safe. What should I do?
