My Partner Doesn’t Know My Real Financial Situation

Beyond self-protection, some people are hiding their financial situations out of shame. Chloe*, 35, is in £5,000 worth of debt due to what she calls “fast living” in her 20s and isn’t sure how long it will take to clear it. She doesn’t want her partner to know about it until she’s paid it all off. “I’ve always had a weird thing about finances being private — particularly if they aren’t great,” she says. Growing up around people with generational wealth without coming from that background herself has affected her feelings about money. “I feel a lot of shame around finances as my friends have always had more than me (usually through family money). I got a scholarship to a top private school as a teen, and since then I’ve had an acute awareness of being in a much tighter financial situation than those around me.” Ironically, Chloe’s debt, while a lot of money to her, would be deemed “back pocket change” by her partner. He is financially better off (he earns double what she does). Chloe is confident he wouldn’t judge her but being in debt makes her feel insecure regardless. “It’s embarrassing, and hurts my pride,” she adds. Chloe doesn’t worry about her secrecy — at least for now. “I would never full-out lie to him but I brush the details under the carpet. He doesn’t know that each month I am paying back the consolidated debt. I view it the same as a credit card bill, but as a result my credit rating is terrible. I don’t see it as an issue and it would only be dicey if we decide to buy a home together.” She’s right. Once your finances are joined with another person’s — e.g. through a joint bank account — your individual credit scores can impact upon each other, for better or for worse. Prior to the point of formal financial union though, hiding details doesn’t come with such harsh literal consequences — only emotional ones.