Do you feel anxious when driving home from social gatherings? Maybe you keep replaying what happened, or you beat yourself up for the way you worded something. This could stem from not wanting to hurt others, perhaps, or being mindful of how people perceive you.
As some of us know too well, overanalyzing social interactions like this can feel inevitable, and it can take us down a rabbit hole of overthinking. But what exactly is going on there? What’s the psychology behind it?
“If you tend to often worry and fear others evaluating you negatively, your brain will begin to scan through the interaction to find ‘evidence’ of what went wrong,” explains Dr. Sarah Jane Khalid, a Doctify-rated counseling psychologist.
This can be especially common in situations with higher stakes, she continues, like work dinners or spaces where you feel expected to come across a certain way.
Sound familiar? Ahead, Dr. Khalid and another psychologist share signs you’re overanalyzing a social situation, potential reasons why and how to manage the urge.
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Common Signs You’re Overanalyzing a Social Interaction
“One big clue is if you find yourself replaying the conversation over and over in your head, imagining what someone really meant or how they might have judged you,” says Dr. Amelia Kelley, PhD, a trauma-informed therapist, researcher, podcaster and author of Gaslighting Recovery for Women.
Other signs she and Dr. Khalid share include:
- Seeming preoccupied
- Asking others to repeat their question
- Making assumptions
- Scanning other people’s facial expressions
- Assuming what people’s tones mean
- Seeking validation or reassurance from other people who were there
- Sharing your worries with another person to get feedback
- Feeling more insecure than the situation calls for
- Struggling to remember details from the interaction because your brain is busy scanning for meaning and managing emotions
While these habits are super tempting and relatable, they don’t have the benefits they may seem to have. “Overanalyzing pulls you out of the moment and leaves you caught in a loop of emotional interpretation rather than reality,” Dr. Kelley says.
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Why Some People Overanalyze Social Interactions
People may overanalyze social interactions for many reasons.
First and foremost, they fear judgment or rejection. “People often do a post-mortem of their social moments as they worry that they may have said something out of line or messed up or looked bad,” Dr. Khalid says.
That can come from having low self-esteem, she continues, being perfectionistic or having unrealistically high expectations of yourself.
Overthinkers and individuals who have been overly criticized in the past may also tend to overanalyze their social interactions, according to Dr. Khalid. “It becomes more of a conditioned response of self-protection,” she explains.
On that note, Dr. Kelley points to relational trauma.
“People who grew up with emotionally immature or unpredictable parents, or those who’ve been gaslit, often learn to read between the lines—sometimes too much,” she says. “If someone has experienced exclusion, racism or cultural inequity, their nervous system may be wired to scan for subtle social cues or rejection.”
Additionally, people who are neurodivergent, like those who have ADHD or autism, are also especially likely to overanalyze, she continues, as well as highly sensitive people (HSPs). They may “pick up on emotional undercurrents and sometimes absorb the moods of others, which can heighten self-doubt.”
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9 Common Traits of People Who Instantly Overanalyze Social Interactions, According to Psychologists
Dr. Kelley clarifies that not every person who overanalyzes social interactions will fit into the same mold, but they do share some patterns. Ahead, she and Dr. Khalid give nine examples.
1. Being a perfectionist or self-critical
If you’re constantly criticizing yourself in general, you may also do that in your social interactions, Dr. Kelley says, and assume others are just as judgmental.
“You strive for a flawless conversation and become preoccupied by small mistakes, like an awkward pause or poorly landed joke,” Dr. Khalid adds.
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2. Catastrophizing situations
Another trait is assuming the worst, Dr. Khalid says, like assuming the other person hates you after a perceived “faux pas.”
Social or generalized anxiety can contribute to this. “Unfortunately, anxiety can amplify a sense of uncertainty, which can lead to excessive worry of how they come across,” she adds. (More on that in a bit.)
3. Being highly self-conscious or insecure
Do you feel super aware of how you appear, or like you’re constantly monitoring your choice of words, tone and body language? Those are other signs, according to Dr. Khalid. They can stem from experiencing negative judgment, criticism or rejection in previous social situations.
“They often question whether they said or did the ‘right’ thing and worry how they were perceived,” Dr. Kelley adds.
4. Having a strong need for validation and approval
Your self-worth may be largely dependent on others’ approval, Dr. Kelley says.
This can be more external—like fishing for compliments—or internal. Regarding the latter, Dr. Khalid gives the example of scrutinizing other people’s reactions, looking for any hint of disapproval or judgment. If you sense anything negative, you may spiral or feel bad about yourself.
Related: How To Validate Someone’s Feelings, According to a Clinical Psychologist
5. Being hypersensitive to nonverbal cues and perceived slights
Like the latter trait, you overly assess people’s facial expressions and tone, and perceive any possible negativity to be about you, Dr. Khalid says. Again, this can stem from similar experiences in childhood.
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6. Having depressive tendencies
Specifically, tending to dwell or ruminate. “This is because there is a cognitive bias to the negative in depression and thinking what they ‘coulda, shoulda, woulda’ done,” Dr. Khalid says.
Related: 7 Signs of ‘High-Functioning Depression,’ According to a Columbia-Trained Psychiatrist
7. Having anxious tendencies
If you tend to worry in general, this may unfortunately be yet another situation that brings up anxious thoughts. Dr. Kelley says that anxiety can make neutral interactions feel like high-stakes events.
8. Over-personalizing
If you struggle to receive constructive criticism, then overpersonalizing, or internalizing feedback, may be one reason why. It also explains how a thought can spiral into overanalyzing. Dr. Kelley says these folks “take things to heart, even without clear evidence that something was wrong.”
9. Struggling with mindfulness
Last but not least, if you’re not a “mindfulness person,” or someone who’s able to just sit in silence and focus on the present moment, you may also overanalyze social interactions.
“They may replay or analyze instead of being fully present, often due to a racing mind or emotional hypervigilance,” Dr. Kelley explains.
5 Ways To Avoid Overanalyzing, Psychologists Say
Being someone who tends to overanalyze social situations can feel hopeless and draining, and it can worsen how you feel.
“While it might feel like overanalyzing will help you ‘fix’ the situation, it usually leads to more discomfort and self-doubt,” Dr. Kelley says.
Skipping out on overanalyzing is much easier said than done, however. If and when you experience those moments, remind yourself that there are steps you can take to feel better. Psychologists share some examples.
1. Accept what happened and remind yourself it’s not as big of a deal as it seems
To handle this difficult situation, Dr. Khalid first suggests accepting what happened and adopting a “so what” attitude.
“Accept and trust that you did your best in that social situation,” she says. “Will it matter a year from now?”
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2. Change your perspective with facts
Dr. Khalid also encourages challenging thoughts with real, observable evidence. Perhaps there aren’t any facts to back up your concerns.
“Recognize that it’s not as catastrophic as your brain makes out to be in reality!” she says.
3. Practice grounding and mindfulness
One example of these skills that Dr. Khalid suggests is naming five things you see, four things you hear, three things you feel and one thing you can taste. Or, you can do some breathwork by inhaling for three counts, holding for two counts and exhaling for three counts.
4. Let yourself overanalyze for a set period of time, then distract yourself
Can’t stop ruminating? It may sound counterintuitive, but allow yourself to do so—with limits. Dr. Khalid suggests giving yourself 10 minutes to write, draw or think about your concern, then make yourself get up and do something soothing, like hopping in a warm shower, walking or baking.
5. Practice the 90/10 rule
Haven’t heard of this one? Basically, base 90 percent of your self-worth and inner voice on your feelings, values and preferences, and allow only 10 percent to be influenced by others.
“We’re wired for connection, so it’s natural to care somewhat about what others think, but not at the expense of your authenticity,” Dr. Kelley says. “I always remind myself ‘I’m not everyone’s cup of tea,’ and that little phrase creates space to be more fully myself.”
Up Next:
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Sources:
- Dr. Sarah Jane Khalid, a Doctify-rated counseling psychologist
- Dr. Amelia Kelley, PhD, a trauma-informed therapist, researcher, podcaster and author
