Psychologist Says the 1 Phrase That Instantly Shuts Down a Condescending Person Isn’t What You Might Think

Dealing with difficult people is unfortunately a lifelong task that many of us have too much experience with, am I right? For example, you might have to shut down a passive-aggressive person regularly. You might also have to stop people who are gaslighting you, asking intrusive questions, being confrontational or simply making rude comments, whether at work or at home.

All of that is exhausting, to say the least, but here’s the good news: Responding with one simple, surprising phrase often does the trick (or is at least a solid start). While saying it may be nerve-wracking, it may also very well be worth it. Remember, it’s okay (and good!) to set boundaries, especially when someone disrespects you.

Want to know more? Keep reading for a psychologist’s take on why some people are condescending (aka those who treat others as if they’re inferior), the #1 phrase that shuts down condescending statements and other helpful phrases when dealing with one of these snobby people. 

That way, the next time you find yourself in that situation, you’ll know exactly how to handle it (without escalating the argument)—and, hopefully, you can also avoid the tough emotions and conversations that otherwise ensue.

Related: 7 Phrases You’ll Often Hear From a ‘Know-It-All,’ According to a Psychologist

Why Some People Are Condescending

People may be consistently condescending for various reasons, but the most common one is insecurity, says Dr. Golee Abrishami, PhD, a psychologist and the Vice President of Clinical Care at Octave. 

“A condescending person talks down to others to try to make themselves feel better or more secure in their place,” she explains.

Other reasons she lists include a person:

• Having a genuine belief in their own superiority
• Being unable to read the room regarding the appropriateness of their statements
• Feeling stressed
• Feeling defensive

Any of those sound familiar?

The #1 Unexpected Phrase That Shuts Down Condescending People, According to a Psychologist

When someone is being condescending, they’re probably suggesting you’re stupid, incapable or overreacting. They might ask something like, “You really don’t know the answer to that question?”

You may want to respond defensively or act like they’re the one who’s missing something. You might also feel caught off guard and unsure of what to say. That’s where Dr. Abrishami comes in. 

“If you’re dealing with a condescending person in your life, it helps to have some responses locked and ready to go,” she says. “When you have responses ready to go, you will be ready to stand your ground.”

She shares her favorite response: “I don’t think you meant that the way it sounded.”

This simple phrase works well for several reasons, she continues. For starters, it’s not overly aggressive, so it’s less likely to escalate the interaction. Plus, it’s a way to acknowledge the other person said something negative and that you aren’t going to play into it or stoop to their level. Last but not least, it encourages the other person to reflect, in which they might retract what they said, act differently and/or recognize your boundaries.

“Typically, people act out in a condescending way when they feel more powerful and superior than you,” Dr. Abrishami explains. “You need to show them that you don’t feel inferior to them by standing your ground and maintaining healthy boundaries.”

Related: Psychologists Warn: This Harmful Behavior Is Rooted in Insecurity

6 Other Phrases To Use When Dealing With a Condescending Person

While the above phrase is a psychologist-favorite, it’s far from the only one she recommends. Below, Dr. Abrishami shares six more helpful phrases you can steal.

1. “Thanks, but I’ll let you know if I need that explained to me again”

Is someone “mansplaining” to you? Pull out this phrase. 

“This one works because it’s polite, but at the same time, it shows that you’re holding a firm boundary on how you want to be spoken to,” Dr. Abrishami states.

2. “I’ll take that thought into consideration”

If you’re receiving unsolicited advice or being treated like you don’t know what you’re doing, this can help.

“This phrase is good because it’s acknowledging you heard the other person, but not reacting or going thoughtlessly with what they said simply because they’re acting in an overly superior way,” Dr. Abrishami says.

Afterwards, you can more easily change topics, moving on from the unhelpful discussion at hand.

Related: 11 Phrases That Make You ‘Instantly Unlikable’ in Group Settings, According to an Etiquette Expert

3. “Are you explaining that to me or just thinking out loud?”

Want someone to reconsider their words or behaviors? This question might be just the one you need.

“This phrase can be a helpful response because it forces the person to reflect on what they said, admit it or backpedal on what they said,” Dr. Abrishami says.

For example, they might realize they’re insulting your intelligence or being rude—and that you’re not going to let that happen.

4. “I heard you, and I’ve got it from here”

You can be friendly and firm at the same time, and this phrase is an example of that. 

“It acknowledges the comment but doesn’t invite more from the person who has already been condescending,” Dr. Abrishami explains.

5. “I appreciate your perspective, but I already know what to do”

This phrase is a great alternative to the one above. Dr. Abrishami notes “it’s polite and non-confrontational at the same time” and indicates “that the comment is not additive to the situation.”

6. “Say that again but this time, talk to me like an adult”

Feeling more spicy? Dr. Abrishami has you covered in those moments, too. 

“This phrase is blunt and somewhat confrontational, but calls out the condescension in a direct way,” she shares. “It definitely shows the comment got to you, but provides a strong response in just the right circumstance.”

Final Takeaways

Regardless of how spicy you want to phrase it, remember that responding with a boundary-setting phrase is important.

“Condescending people can make you doubt yourself, decrease your self-esteem and normalize disrespect,” Dr. Abrishami says. “Creating and maintaining healthy boundaries can help protect you from the negative impacts of dealing with condescending people.”

If someone in your life is consistently condescending to you, or you struggle to set boundaries and handle condescending statements, she recommends talking to a therapist. They can help you navigate conversations that—while tricky and uncomfortable—can be effectively handled.

Up Next:

Related: Child Psychologists Say This Is the Parenting Phrase That Calms Kids Fastest

Source:

• Dr. Golee Abrishami, PhD, is a psychologist and the Vice President of Clinical Care at Octave.