Dr. Kim Arrington, PsyD, a psychologist with Hackensack Meridian Medical Group, loves board games personally, as well as professionally in her work with families.
“So much is happening psychologically while everyone thinks they are simply playing,” Dr. Arrington tells Parade. “Board games exercise cognitive and executive functioning skills. Children have to sustain attention, remember rules, plan ahead, make decisions and wait for their turn.”
Depending on the game, she says kids might be able to practice math, language, spatial reasoning or problem-solving. But she believes some of the richest psychological benefits of board games come from social and emotional development.
“A board game creates a small, structured social world,” she explains. “There are rules and boundaries. I have a turn, and then I have to make room for someone else’s turn. I experience anticipation, excitement, disappointment and sometimes embarrassment.”
Sometimes, someone else will win the game, even though the child really wanted to, and they may have to congratulate them and move on. Dr. Arrington loves that these activities let kids practice these life skills in a low-stakes family environment. Plus, board games are one of the best screen-free family activities to foster connection. She points out that players look at one another and start to notice non-verbal cues, like facial expressions that indicate frustration. And then there’s the highly underrated humor factor built into games.
“Families need opportunities to be silly together,” Dr. Arrington says. “Often the moments we remember aren’t who won the game. They’re the ridiculous move, the spectacularly bad luck or the running joke that had everyone at the table laughing.”
One of the best board games for families has all of the above—and more. Three psychologists agree that this classic board game supports child development and strengthens family connection. Plus, they share a “game selector” if you want to switch things up.
Related: Child Psychologist Says if Your Kid or Grandkid Has Trouble Losing Games, Here’s What It Could Mean
The Unanimous Winner: Why Psychologists Love Chutes and Ladders
Three psychologists agree that Chutes and Ladders is one of the best board games for families.
Families can use Chutes and Ladders for child development because it includes turn-taking, uncertainty that builds resilience, opportunities to lose gracefully and support for understanding numbers.
The Psychology of the ‘Slide’: Teaching Kids To Lose Gracefully
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One reason why psychologists love Chutes and Ladders for child development is that it’s one of the board games that teaches resilience. It’s also a tool if you’re trying to figure out how to teach a child to lose gracefully. The “slide” is a critical component of these valuable life lessons.
Now, to be clear, the classic game isn’t a miracle worker.
“I wouldn’t say that Chutes and Ladders magically teaches good sportsmanship, but it creates lots of opportunities to practice it,” Dr. Holly Schiff, PsyD, a licensed clinical psychologist who treats children, tells Parade.
Dr. Amy Todey, PhD, a psychologist who specializes in working with families, encourages people to imagine being a five-year-old who is three spaces away from winning, but they land on a chute that sends them all the way back down the board. Adults would probably laugh it off—it’s “just” a board game, after all. But Dr. Todey says that a five-year-old might consider it a catastrophe and yell, “It’s not fair!”
“This is where the psychologically important part begins,” she explains. “A parent’s job isn’t necessarily to talk the child out of feeling disappointed. We can say: ‘Oh, you were so close. You really wanted to win. That was disappointing.’ We name and validate the emotion without making the emotion the boss of the behavior. Then we help the child figure out what comes next.”
For instance, she says that you can respond with, “You’re frustrated. What can you do with that feeling? I know it’s hard. I’m right here;” “Are you ready for your next turn?” Parents can also set boundaries for disruptive or inappropriate behavior, such as, “You cannot scream and hit people.”
“When parents validate emotions and set boundaries on behavior, children begin learning an enormously important distinction,” Dr. Todey states. “They are allowed to feel disappointed, and they are still responsible for what they do when they are disappointed. That is emotional regulation.”
She shares that children can lose gracefully and care about losing at the same time. They don’t have to immediately smile and pretend they’re not disappointed or frustrated to be “resilient.”
“It means learning that they can tolerate frustration and disappointment and they can recover and try again,” she notes. “Those are not just board game skills. Those are life skills.”
Chutes and Ladders also teaches kids about embarrassment and disappointment
In fact, Dr. Arrington points out that Chutes and Ladders goes beyond teaching children how to lose gracefully. It offers a master class and a structured way for kids to experience frustration and even introduces embarrassment. Think about it: In Chutes and Ladders, you can misunderstand a rule, make a terrible move and everyone can see you were about to win—and then you wound up losing.
“Those experiences can feel enormous to children,” she says. “A game puts them inside a structure. There are rules. There are other people with you. There is another turn coming.”
She stresses that adults also get a chance to role model managing emotions.
“When I make an awful move, I can laugh at myself,” she explains. “When I lose, I can be genuinely disappointed without becoming hostile. When a child beats me, I can enjoy their delight.”
Related: We Asked 4 Child Psychologists What Actually Motivates Kids—They All Said the Same Thing
Find Your Family’s Perfect Match: The Game Selector
Chutes and Ladders is one of the best board games for families, but it isn’t the only one. Dr. Schiff says these child psychologist-recommended games for families will help you build connection and teach life lessons.
|
Game Title |
Developmental Benefit |
|---|---|
|
Candy Land |
Turn-taking, color recognition, following simple rules and beginning to tolerate waiting and disappointment. |
|
My First Orchard |
Cooperation, following rules, taking turns and learning that everyone can work toward the same goal. |
|
Race to the Treasure |
Cooperation, following rules, taking turns and learning that everyone can work toward the same goal. |
|
Guess Who? |
Asking questions, logical reasoning, attention to detail and learning to use information strategically. |
|
Clue |
Deductive reasoning, memory, paying attention to other players and making inferences from information. |
|
Monopoly |
Planning, decision-making, money concepts, delayed gratification, and coping with competition and setbacks. |
|
Scrabble |
Vocabulary, language skills, strategic thinking, mental flexibility and planning. |
The Rise of ‘Cooperative’ Board Games
Cooperative board games, like Dinosaur Escape, My First Orchard and Race to the Treasure, are also rising in popularity. These games put everyone on the same team working toward a goal. Are cooperative board games good for kids, though?
“In a cooperative board game, the structure shifts from ‘me versus you’ to ‘us versus the problem,'” Dr. Todey explains. “People succeed and fail together, which creates a very different kind of social experience. They provide opportunities to practice shared intentionality, which describes the ability to hold a goal with another person and coordinate your behavior around achieving it.”
Plus, she says working together toward a common goal gives families a chance to communicate, problem-solve, negotiate and celebrate together.
“Cooperative games can also be wonderful for children who are easily overwhelmed by competition,” Dr. Arrington adds. “They can experience the rhythms and pleasures of game-playing—turn-taking, strategy, anticipation, humor and problem-solving—without initially having to manage the emotional intensity of losing to another person.”
Still, Dr. Schiff cautions against only using cooperative board games.
“Cooperative games shouldn’t be the only kind of game kids play,” she states. “Competition is also a normal part of life. Learning how to win without gloating, lose without melting down, and continue enjoying an activity even when you don’t win are valuable skills, too.”
She says parents can also accidentally turn the game into an opportunity to take over.
“If adults are making all the decisions, the child isn’t really getting the benefit of cooperation,” she points out. “Kids need room to make imperfect choices and experience the consequences.”
Related: We Asked 3 Child Psychologists the Worst ’70s Parenting Trend, and They All Said the Same Thing
4 Ground Rules for a Meltdown-Free Family Game Night
Game nights can help children learn to lose gracefully, but it’s not an easy lesson to learn. That’s OK.
“I don’t think family game night needs to be frustration-free,” Dr. Arrington explains. “If we’re using games to help children develop frustration tolerance, we have to allow some frustration to occur. The goal isn’t to eliminate difficult feelings. It’s to make the game a safe enough place to experience them.”
Here’s how to do just that and hopefully reduce meltdowns (at least over time).
1. Let feelings be OK, but establish boundaries around behavior
Dr. Arrington says feelings aren’t the issue. It’s what we do with them that matters.
“A child can be disappointed about losing,” she explains. “They can say, ‘Ugh! I can’t believe that happened!’ They don’t have to smile and pretend not to care. What they can’t do is throw pieces, insult another player or ruin the game because they’re losing.”
2. Give children a social script for winning—and for losing
Before the game, Dr. Todey recommends asking the child, “What could you say if you win?” Then, you might suggest: “Good game, that was fun” or “You almost got me.”
Do the same for losing by asking, “What would you say if you lose?” You could recommend, “Good game, I wish I had won, but that was fun, want to play again?”
“We often tell children to ‘be a good sport’ without ever explaining what good sportsmanship actually looks like,” she explains. “Sportsmanship requires perspective-taking. When I win, I have to recognize that someone else may feel disappointed. When I lose, I have to recognize that the winner is allowed to feel proud and excited. Young children often need those behaviors explicitly taught and rehearsed.”
3. Have a plan for cheating—and be curious about what it means
Dr. Arrington says most children will be tempted to cheat at some point. Parents may be quick to turn it into a character judgment (“You’re a cheater!”). However, she recommends curiosity.
“Sometimes losing brings up embarrassment or inadequacy,” Dr. Arrington says. “For some children, being the winner can become temporarily confused with being the person who is admired, valued or important.”
A board game gives us a small, safe place to challenge that idea.
“We can hold the boundary: ‘No, you can’t move your piece two extra spaces. That’s not how we’re playing,'” she says. “But underneath that boundary is an even more important message: You don’t have to win to be loved.”
4. Catch children regulating their emotions well—and let them see you do it too
Celebrate the wins, which don’t always happen on the board.
“Parents sometimes pay enormous attention to the meltdown and almost no attention to the 20 moments of regulation that happened before it,” Dr. Todey notes. “But children learn through reinforcement and modeling. If you want sportsmanship to grow, notice it when it happens.”
She suggests being specific in your praise. Instead of “good job,” you might say, “I saw how disappointed you were when you went down that chute, and you stayed in the game.”
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Sources:
- Dr. Kim Arrington, PsyD, is a psychologist with Hackensack Meridian Medical Group.
- Dr. Holly Schiff, PsyD, is a licensed clinical psychologist who treats children.
- Dr. Amy Todey, PhD, is a psychologist who specializes in co-parenting, neurodevelopment and family relationships.
