5 overhyped spots in Toronto that I refuse to go to (as a local), Life in canada

#1. Yorkville

Yorkville is supposed to be that girl.

Luxury shopping. Designer labels — walkable streets. Fancy restaurants.

And yet every time I’m there, I’m bored. Sure, there are recognizable luxury brands. But beyond that, I find myself walking around wondering why one of Toronto’s most walkable and attractive neighbourhoods feels so uninspiring.

There are plenty of storefronts I would never shop in and plenty of restaurants that don’t excite me enough to make a reservation.

The frustrating part is that the neighbourhood itself has so much potential if it just had places I actually wanted to spend time in.

#2. The Eaton Centre

I know people love the Eaton Centre. I understand why.

There are tons of stores, and it’s convenient if you’re downtown, with that North American mega mall feel. But every trip spikes my cortisol. The surrounding area is chaotic. The crowds are relentless. The entire experience feels loud, stressful, and somehow slightly sticky.

And don’t even get me started on the parking garages; something about them makes me feel like I need a safety partner when walking through them.

Maybe it’s the lighting. Maybe it’s the layout. Maybe it’s because I always forget where I parked.

Whatever the reason, I’d rather drive to Sherway Gardens every single time. Sherway has giant open parking lots (the way the good lord of mega malls intended), and is significantly less chaotic.

#3. Crumbl

I don’t care that this isn’t exclusively a Toronto thing. If I have a megaphone and a voice, you’ll hear me rant about this one.

I still don’t get it.

When Crumbl arrived, people acted as if the second coming of dessert had landed in the city.

Meanwhile, I was staring at a cookie the size of a salad plate, wondering exactly who was supposed to eat it.

They’re enormous. They’re absurdly sweet. They’re packed with enough calories to qualify as your full day’s serving.

Nobody ever eats a whole one (because I don’t think you can). Everyone cuts them into quarters and shares them.

If a cookie requires a division before consumption, then maybe we’ve lost the plot. Sue me, but I want a cookie I can actually pick up in one hand and eat.

#4. Trinity Bellwoods Park

This one is definitely going to turn some heads, but hear me out.

Trinity Bellwoods is a perfectly nice park. My issue is that people talk about it like it’s some kind of urban paradise.

It’s grass. A lot of grass. As someone who grew up in the suburbs surrounded by massive green spaces, my standards for parks might be unfairly high. But every summer, thousands of people pack themselves shoulder-to-shoulder into Trinity Bellwoods and act like this is an oasis in the city.

There’s no spectacular trail system.

No incredible scenery.

No picnic tables.

Just grass and people.

So many people. If you want to see a park, head 45 minutes North of the city and you’ll see some true escapes.

#5. Nathan Phillips Square Skating Rink

This feels anti-patriotic. I promise I am Canadian and darn proud of it. I’m just anti-crowd. I love to skate in the winter, but I hate skating in rinks where there’s no room to skate.

Nathan Phillips Square provides very minimal cityscape in return for the very large amounts of effort it requires me to drag my keister to this rink.

The city operates more than 50 rinks across the city in the winter, and I haven’t tried all of them, but I just know there has to be a better one.

#6. Cheesecake Factory

I have only been to the Cheesecake Factory here in Toronto once, because the long-lasting pain in my butt from the first time was more than enough. When The Cheesecake Factory first arrived here in Toronto, the lineup was endless. But then it never got any shorter?

I don’t like to yuck anyone’s yum, and I like a fresh-from-frozen true North American delicacy as much as the next person, but for the most part, I see a recurring pattern with these U.S.A. spots that come to Toronto.

1. They arrive

2. They cause mayhem

3. They’re mediocre at best.

I’ll go to The Cheesecake Factory when I can walk in.