The idea of self-trust is a nice one, that’s for sure. Having confidence in our thoughts and abilities can be assuring and aid in decision-making, just to name a couple of perks. Whether we’re with family, friends, a romantic partner or at work, healthy self-reliance helps us know what to do and say. It’s a comforting, regulating perspective. Simply put, it can make life easier from a logistical and emotional standpoint. It helps us process and “make moves” faster and easier.
Let’s be real, though: Trusting yourself is often easier said than done. That can be especially true for individuals who have experienced trauma or gaslighting. And no wonder; being repeatedly invalidated and made to question your sanity can do a number on your ability to have faith in yourself.
There is hope, however, for all of us and our ability to depend on ourselves. Let’s break the concept down: What does self-assurance even look like, when is it important and what phrases do people with high self-trust use regularly? (The latter can help us know if we’re on the right track, or what we need to practice saying to build self-confidence.) Ahead, a psychologist answers all of those questions for you, providing her best tips and insights.
Related: Psychologist Says People With High Levels of Self-Respect Never Share These 7 Personal Things
FreshSplash/Getty Images
What Does Self-Trust Look Like?
The idea of self-trust is somewhat vague, so if you’re scratching your head, you’re not alone.
“Self-trusting people are able to manage the unknown with confidence, accept responsibility for the consequences of their actions and do so without overanalyzing or doubting themselves,” Dr. Shannon Franklin, PsyD, a licensed psychologist with Element Q Healing, tells Parade.
This can look like:
- Having confidence in your judgment and ability to make good decisions.
- Making consistent choices.
- Having a clear idea of your boundaries.
- Relying on an internal sense of what feels “right” rather than constantly seeking approval from others.
Related: Psychologist Says if You Always Walk Faster Than Others, You Likely Have These 7 Traits
When Is Self-Trust Important?
Self-trust is useful in many situations that arise in life, whether it’s dealing with adversity at work, a change at home or something else.
“People are able to take action in their lives with confidence (as opposed to fear of uncertainty) and pursue self-improvement instead of seeking validation from others,” Dr. Franklin explains.
Self-trust also helps build and maintain emotional balance and well-being.
“It can contribute to an individual’s ability to be authentic, resilient and complete commitments both personally and professionally,” she adds.
Related: The Last Few Years Have Left Us All a Little Depleted, but These 50 Tips for Building Resilience Can Help
7 Phrases People With High Self-Trust Use Often, According to a Psychologist
Want to check your self-trust level or increase it? Check out the following phrases that “self-trusters” commonly say, either to themselves or out loud.
1. “I’ve got this”
This phrase is a simple, clear example. It “demonstrates an individual’s confidence to handle different situations and reinforce self-reliance, which can help them to complete tasks with less hesitation,” according to Dr. Franklin.
2. “I’ll make my decision, and then I will be able to adjust if that is what is needed”
Phrases like this may arise when changing jobs, for example.
“This statement reflects a person who is comfortable making decisions but also flexible in regards to being open to changing or adjusting as necessary, because they are aware that there will likely be changes in the outcome, but do not fear making those adjustments,” Dr. Franklin shares.
With the changing jobs example, that might look like taking a higher-paying job and then adjusting to a busier work schedule.
Related: 6 Ways We Sabotage Our Own Authenticity Without Realizing It
3. “I believe in myself”
Simply put, people who trust themselves also believe in themselves, whether it’s their ability to get something done, listen to their inner compass, make a decision or handle a tough situation.
“By relying less on what others think of you, it helps strengthen your ability to make better decisions down the road,” Dr. Franklin adds.
4. “I am accountable for my actions”
People with self-trust acknowledge what they’re personally responsible for—even if it led to undesirable results.
This mindset is admirable and useful in other ways, too. Dr. Franklin says it “will help you grow as an individual and prevent yourself from blaming others for things that don’t go well with you.”
Related: The Icelandic Way To Make Big and Small Life Decisions
5. “I can find out something from this”
A growth mindset (aka, knowing you can improve with time and experience) is useful in many ways—including building self-trust. Dr. Franklin recommends it, explaining it helps you view challenges “as chances to improve yourself instead of viewing them as failures, therefore helping develop a more resilient and flexible person.”
6. “I am aware of what is important to me and will act accordingly”
Knowing your core values is key to high self-trust. A phrase like this suggests you’re in sync.
“It can help ensure integrity and possibly resist influence from others,” Dr. Franklin explains.
For example, you might say “no” to a night at the bar if you’re sober, or refuse to engage in gossip if you know that you always feel guilty after partaking in it.
7. “It’s OK to refuse an invitation or opportunity”
People with high self-trust will say “no” when needed.
“[This phrase] shows you are able to draw lines around what is acceptable for you, to maintain your sense of well-being, to honor those limits and to do so without feeling guilty,” Dr. Franklin says.
Last but not least, it’s important to note that you can practice saying these phrases to yourself to build self-trust (even if you don’t fully believe them yet). You may not completely trust yourself right now, but that doesn’t mean you can’t in time.
Up Next:
Related: If You Heard These 12 Phrases Growing Up, Psychologists Say You May Still Struggle With Self-Worth
Source:
- Dr. Shannon Franklin, PsyD, is a licensed psychologist and the Director of Clinical Training at Element Q Healing.