In the land of movies and TV shows, dysfunctional families are often in the spotlight where their drama is so exaggerated, that it’s impossible not to notice. However, fictional storylines don’t always perfectly capture the true complexity of real-life scenarios. Unlike the over-the-top portrayals you might see on screen, in reality, dysfunction within a family can sometimes be much harder to recognize. The signs of a toxic family dynamic aren’t always obvious.
Emotional manipulation, lack of empathy and disrespect that might go on in a family can oftentimes be difficult to spot. They might even go unnoticed by those closely affected by it, especially if they have been conditioned to accept certain behaviors as normal. And while it may not always be super obvious to those involved, its impact is powerfully detrimental, leaving emotional scars that affect not only the individuals experiencing it but also their relationships with others. That’s why it’s important to know what those red flags in family dynamics are so you can’t ignore them.
To help with that, we reached out to psychologistDr. Patricia Dixon. She not only explains the red flags you shouldn’t ignore in detail, but she also breaks down what it actually means to have a dysfunctional family, so you can see if it matches your own situation or not. If the warning signs do resonate with you, you’ll find reassurance in the helpful suggestions she gives for healing and creating positive changes. Thanks to her insight, you’ll be better equipped to recognize the signs and take meaningful steps toward building healthier family relationships.
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What Does It Mean To Have a ‘Dysfunctional Family Dynamic’?
According to Dr. Dixon, “dysfunctional family dynamics” refers to an unhealthy family system where the interactions among members negatively affect one or more individuals.
“This dysfunction can manifest in various ways, from obvious issues like addiction and neglect to more subtle patterns of behavior that can be difficult to see,” she points out.
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8 Signs of Toxic Family Dynamics, According to a Psychologist
1. Absence of Respect
If you notice your family doesn’t have a lot of respect for one another, you should speak up as that’s a common red flag of dysfunctional family dynamics.
“Lack of respect among family members creates an environment where feelings and experiences are dismissed,” Dr. Dixon tells Parade. “If nothing is done to change that, it can manifest as ignoring boundaries or belittling requests, which can foster resentment and deepen dysfunction within a family.”
2. Guilt-Tripping Disguised as Concern
Another trouble sign Dr. Dixon says you shouldn’t disregard is guilt-tripping within a family, as it can have a lasting impact on relationships and a person’s well-being.
“Guilt-tripping can blur the lines between genuine care and manipulation, leading to confusion and resentment,” she discloses.
If you’re not sure what an example of that could be, Dr. Dixon says one instance is when a parent says something like, “I’m just worried about you.”
“This phrase is used when guilt-tripping because they are actually trying to control their child’s choices, which can foster resentment over time,” she clarifies.
3. Emotional Abuse
Some red flags aren’t easy to spot.
“Emotional abuse often goes unrecognized, yet its effects are profound,” Dr. Dixon expresses. “Actions, like withholding affection or ignoring a family member, can severely impact one’s self-esteem and how individuals perceive themselves, leading to long-term emotional struggles. That’s why it’s a red flag of a dysfunctional family dynamic.”
4. Lack of Empathy
One other sign that you should not dismiss has to do with compassion.
“This is a red flag and shouldn’t be ignored because a lack of empathy can cause family members to feel dismissed and misunderstood, leading to emotional isolation,” Dr. Dixon states. “If one member is going through a tough time but feels ignored, it can create a cycle of emotional disconnection that extends beyond the family unit, affecting relationships outside the home.”
5. Refusal to Accept Boundaries of Another Family Member
Even the closest and healthiest of families have boundaries (in fact, that’s probably why they’re so healthy). So not allowing family members to assert boundaries and disrespecting them is a major warning sign.
“Disregarding boundaries is a red flag that shouldn’t be ignored because it can lead to unhealthy codependency, where family members become overly reliant on each other for validation,” Dr. Dixon shares. “This can create difficulties in future relationships, as individuals may struggle to establish healthy boundaries with friends or romantic partners.”
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6. Unhealthy Communication Patterns
A common red flag that you should not overlook comes down to how you talk with each other in your family.
“Poor communication leads to misunderstandings and unresolved conflicts, making it hard for family members to express their needs,” Dr. Dixon mentions. “For instance, if family members avoid discussing feelings to spare each other’s feelings, it can create a barrier to open dialogue and emotional support.”
7. Constant Belittling of One Another
Dr. Dixon reveals that the impact of negative remarks within a family can have a lasting effect on an individual’s confidence and therefore, it’s a warning sign of dysfunctional family dynamics that should not be brushed aside.
“Ignoring constant belittling can erode self-esteem and create long-lasting emotional scars,” she shares. “For example, if a family member frequently says, ‘You never do anything right,’ it undermines the individual’s confidence and sense of self-worth, making it difficult for them to thrive outside the family.”
8. Manipulation and Control Issues
Manipulation is a red flag of dysfunctional families that Dr. Dixon tells Parade shouldn’t be ignored. Why? She warns it can deeply affect someone’s sense of independence and personal growth.
“Manipulation fosters dependency and stifles personal autonomy,” she notes. “If parents guilt-trip their children into compliance—like saying, ‘If you loved me, you’d do this’—it can lead to resentment and a feeling of obligation rather than genuine connection, leaving the child struggling to make independent decisions later in life.”
How To Heal and Change a Dysfunctional Family Dynamic
Set Boundaries
“Setting boundaries is crucial in dysfunctional family dynamics because they act as a protective barrier that helps you break free from unhealthy cycles,” Dr. Dixon emphasizes. “Boundaries empower you to reclaim your emotional space and prevent you from getting drawn back into the dysfunction.”
Related: 35 Phrases To Set Boundaries Firmly and Fairly, According to Mental Health Pros
Focus on Self-care
“Prioritizing self-care is vital when dealing with dysfunctional family dynamics because they can be emotionally draining and create a sense of obligation that weighs you down,” Dr. Dixon says.
While it can be difficult to prioritize your own needs, she points out it will make a big impact in your own life if you do and help you heal.
“Stepping back to focus on your well-being can be a game-changer,” she explains. “Setting boundaries around your involvement in family matters allows you to nurture your mental and emotional health. Remember, sometimes you have to break away from the chaos to find clarity and peace. It’s essential to acknowledge that doing what’s best for you doesn’t mean abandoning your family; instead, it’s about breaking the cycle of dysfunction so that you can create a healthier future for yourself.”
Forge Relationships Outside Your Family
“Many people mistakenly believe that family only includes blood relations, but true family can often be found in the connections we choose, like with friends,” Dr. Dixon explains. “When you’re dealing with dysfunctional family dynamics, having a strong support system outside of that unit provides a refuge. These relationships can offer emotional safety and understanding that might be lacking at home.”
See a Therapist
Seeking out support may not be something you want to do at first, however, Dr. Dixon reveals it can be incredibly beneficial if you find yourself trying to navigate dysfunctional family dynamics in your own life.
“Therapy provides a safe space to identify and unpack the patterns of dysfunction that may have developed over time,” she says. “A trained professional can offer an objective perspective, helping you see things that might be hard to recognize when you’re too close to the situation. Individual therapy can also empower you to understand how these family patterns have impacted you personally, allowing you to work through those issues and break free from generational cycles of dysfunction.”
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Source:
- Dr. Patricia Dixon, licensed clinical psychologist based in Florida