Forget lecture halls. Class is in session starting the moment a child is born.
“Children are like sponges, constantly absorbing and internalizing what they hear,” says Dr. Crystal Saidi, Psy.D., a licensed psychologist with Thriveworks.
Important caregivers—often, parents and grandparents—serve as a little one’s first teacher. What you say and how you say it can genuinely shape a child and provide an internal soundtrack for years to come.
“Words from a parent or caregiver especially carry weight and importance as these relationships are foundational to a child’s development,” Dr. Saidi says. “A child’s sense of who they are begins with how their parents or primary caregivers speak to them. Their words set the tone for how a child perceives the world, others, and most importantly, themselves.”
No pressure, right? There’s no such thing as an A+ parent—no one is perfect. However, adding a few short, sweet phrases to conversations with a child can make a significant difference. Dr. Saidi recommended six phrases to start saying to a child ASAP and a few to avoid. Bonus: The longest one is only nine words.
Related: People Who Were Constantly Criticized as Children Often Experience These 8 Relationship Problems, Psychologists Say
6 Phrases a Child Psychologist Wants Parents and Grandparents To Use
1. “I love you.”
These three little words may seem obvious. Yet, their impact is easy to overlook.
“This can be used daily and is crucial because it helps boost a child’s sense of security and self-esteem,” Dr. Saidi says. “It can also help them become more comfortable expressing their care for others since children learn by example.”
Related: 12 Phrases Psychologists Are Begging Parents and Grandparents To Stop Saying to an Oldest Child
2. “It’s OK to feel that way.”
All behaviors may not be welcome, but feelings? It’s best to validate them.”
“This is especially important to use when children are experiencing big feelings such as fear, sadness or frustration,” Dr. Saidi says. “It shows them that their emotions are valid.”
In other words, throwing your blue milk cup when you wanted a green one may be inappropriate. However, it’s valid if the child is upset—even if adults don’t think it’s earth-shattering.
3. “I’m sorry.”
As a parent or grandparent, you will screw up. This phrase—the shortest one on the list—is important to utter, though it can be the hardest one to spit out.
“This is incredibly important as many parents tend to avoid this phrase,” Dr. Saidi says. “I believe it is important to apologize if a mistake is made and to model accountability to children. It shows them that it is OK to make mistakes and admit when one is wrong. It also helps build mutual respect and trust.”
Related: 12 Phrases Psychologists Are Begging Parents and Grandparents to Stop Saying to a Youngest Child
4. “It’s OK to make mistakes. That’s how you learn.”
You’re not perfect, and neither is a child. That’s expected and, yes, OK.
“This can be used whenever a child makes a mistake to show them encouragement and help them become more resilient,” Dr. Saidi says.
5. “I’m so proud of you.”
Beaming with pride? A child may not know what that looks like on your face, so Dr. Saidi says it’s essential to verbalize it.
“It helps boost self-esteem and confidence,” she explains.
Related: 13 Things Psychologists Are Begging Parents and Grandparents To Stop Saying to a Middle Child
6. “I believe in you.”
This one also instills confidence in kids.
“It shows that you trust their abilities, even if they doubt themselves,” Dr. Saidi says. “This can be especially helpful when trying new things, like sports, music and challenging homework.”
Related: People Who Were ‘Emotionally Neglected’ in Childhood Often Develop These 10 Traits as Adults, Psychologists Say
What *Not* To Say to a Child
There’s not just one but several types of statements to avoid. Dr. Saidi suggests deleting harsh criticism, name-calling, comparison to other children and threats from your rotation. Another massive no-no?
“In my opinion, dismissing feelings, such as, ‘Stop crying’ or ‘It’s not a big deal,’ are also harmful,” Dr. Saidi says. “These types of statements invalidate a child’s emotions and teach them that their feelings are wrong or don’t matter.”
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Related: People Who Had Difficult Childhoods Often Develop These 8 Traits as Adults, Psychologists Say
Source
- Dr. Crystal Saidi, Psy.D., a licensed psychologist with Thriveworks