6 Common Signs Someone Is Jealous of You, According to a Therapist

They say it’s easy being green (Elphaba, the Wicked Witch of the West, would like a word). Debates among fictional characters aside, it can (perhaps surprisingly) be challenging to manage someone acting green with envy toward you. While jealousy is often pitched as a compliment—you must be doing something right—it can often feel like anything but. The envious person may use various tactics, from passive-aggressive phrases to lobbing blunt insults in your direction. Understanding the signs someone is jealous of you can help you determine whether it’s you or them.

“It’s good to know when someone’s jealous of you because it can help you protect your peace and set some healthy boundaries,” says Melissa Legere, LMFT, the clinical director and co-founder of California Behavioral Health. “It can also help you approach your relationships more thoughtfully so you don’t get caught off-guard by passive-aggressive behavior or other signs of jealousy. When you recognize jealousy, you can handle it in a way that doesn’t let it affect you too much.”

Legere has shared six red flags someone else is seeing green. She also discusses ways to respond to these behaviors rooted in envy.

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6 Common Signs Someone Is Jealous of You, According to a Therapist

1. You can’t win

Legere says jealous people often downplay or ignore other people’s successes.

“Instead of celebrating you and being happy for you, they’ll brush them off or say things like, ‘It’s not even that big of a deal,'” Legere says. “While this usually comes from their own insecurities, it doesn’t make it any less hurtful, especially if you’ve been working really hard for that win.” 

Related: 10 Subtle Phrases That Signal Someone Is Jealous and How to Respond, According to Therapists

2. They sabotage 

When someone is envious of you, they may start trying to build walls to prevent you from reaching your goals or pulling off your plans without a hitch.

“It’s like they can’t stand to see you doing well so they try to bring you down,” Legere says. “Some ways they can do this is by spreading rumors to damage your reputation or by being overly critical of your choices and constantly trying to discourage you.” 

3. It’s always a competition

Jealous types can take the whole “life is a game” to toxic levels, turning every little thing into a world championship event. Legere refers to this tendency as “one-upping.”

“You share something good that happened, and they immediately jump in with something ‘better’ about themselves,” she says. “Instead of being happy for you, it feels like they’re competing against you, and this can get really frustrating on your end.”

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4. Passive-aggressive

Passive-aggressive phrases can be subtle but feel significant once you snuff it out. 

“They might throw little digs disguised as jokes or act like they’re giving you advice, but it’s actually just a subtle way to put you down,” Legere says. “They don’t want to show their jealousy directly so they try to belittle you in these sneaky ways.”

5. Over-criticism

You thought you were your own biggest critic until you met this person.

“No matter what you do, they always find something to pick apart, even if it’s something so small,” Legere says. “It can feel like they’re looking hard for flaws just to use it against you and bring you down.”

Related: Psychologists Are Begging Couples To Look Out for These 15 Signs of an Emotionally Immature Relationship

6. It’s getting chilly

Even if you’ve done nothing wrong except try to live your best life, you might notice this person becoming increasingly unfriendly toward you.

“They might act cold or pull away when you’re around, and it’s usually after something good happens to you,”  Legere says. “It’s like they’re uncomfortable with your success and don’t know how to handle it, so they just avoid you altogether.”

Related: People Who Were Constantly Criticized as Children Often Experience These 8 Relationship Problems, Psychologists Say

How To Handle a Jealous Person

1. Talk to them

You may have a whole lot to get off your chest after being subjected to passive-aggressive behavior or a semi-friend-breakup. Yet, Legere suggests approaching the discussion from a calm and non-confrontational place.

“Let them know that something about their actions or words has been bothering you and that you just want to make sure everything’s OK between you two,” Legere says. “Sometimes, a simple one-on-one talk can clear the air. There could even be a chance that they’re not aware of their own jealousy, and being called out on it can help them work through it.”

2. Set healthy boundaries 

You’re allowed to distance yourself, too (or be the first to initiate an arm’s-length relationship).

“If their behavior is disturbing your peace or making you uncomfortable, it’s OK to distance yourself first,” Legere explains.

Legere says you might consider limiting time spent with them or not sharing certain aspects of your life. 

“Having these limits in place will make sure you don’t get dragged into negativity and unnecessary drama,” she continues. “Make sure these limits are well defined and communicated clearly to them too, so they know what’s acceptable and what’s not.”

Related: 35 Bible Verses About Jealousy and How To Overcome It

3. Focus on yourself

Don’t let them bring you down.

“Keep doing what makes you happy and successful, but don’t let their jealousy shake your confidence,” Legere says. “Stay grounded in your own achievements, and don’t feel like you have to downplay them to make them feel better. At the end of that day, if they can’t be happy for you, that’s honestly their problem to deal with—not yours.”

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Source:

• Melissa Legere, LMFT, the clinical director and co-founder of California Behavioral Health