Is 'No Response' Actually a Response? How To Know, According to an Etiquette Expert

These days, they say “no” is a complete sentence, but is no response actually a response? After all, might it be a way to align yourself with an older adage: “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all?”

At times, it could. However, sometimes, people may use no response to hop on the “ghosting” bandwagon, a rampant trend in dating. One 2019 study found that one-quarter of people reported being ghosted, while another from 2021 found that a whopping 85% of dating users had experienced crickets at some point. Ghosting affected their self-esteem.

Radio silence isn’t limited to personal relationships. A 2022 Indeed report noted that it’s surging in professional settings, with 78% of job seekers admitting to ghosting a prospective employer. 

Related: 11 Best Phrases To Use When Canceling Plans, According to Etiquette Experts 

Ghosting or not responding to a job interview invitation (or party or happy hour invite) sounds rude. However, is it? Are there times when no response actually counts as a response? Potentially unpopular and surprising opinion: No response counts as a response.

“No response is absolutely a response that can send a variety of messages,” says Jennifer Porter, an etiquette expert with Satsuma Designs LLC. “No response is a personal validation of where one is willing to spend their energy.”

However, no response isn’t always the best response. Porter shared when no response is valid to protect your peace (or even someone else’s) and when she recommends hitting “reply.” 

Related: An Etiquette Expert Is Begging People To Think Twice About This Common Social Habit

When ‘No Response’ Is a Response, According to an Etiquette Expert

1. You lack context

Sometimes, keeping your mouth shut is better than putting your foot in it.

“Incomplete information can turn into misinformation when responding without full knowledge of a situation,” Porter says. “Resist the urge to respond in any manner—good or bad—without getting the full picture.”

In some situations, such as a social media status update from a romantic partner, you can ask questions to get the full context. Other times—like if the status update comes from someone you’ve never spoken to since high school—your best bet is to move along.

2. You’re opting out of taking the bait

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“In social media communities, don’t respond when it’s clear that the commenter is looking to stir things up,” Porter says. “Positive discourse is always welcome, but it’s generally easy to spot those interested in creating damage. Lead by example here.”

3. You’re politely disagreeing

Sometimes, it’s best to let the conversation end, especially on social media.

“No response can be a polite way to disagree without needing to articulate every last point,” Porter says. “There is such a frenzy to reply one way or another that it can be a gentle rebuke.”

4. You’re thinking things over

Not responding immediately doesn’t mean you won’t respond at all. Taking a pause can be relationship-preserving.

“No response in a moment is a good opportunity to spend time with a topic, action item or relationship that deserves an eventual reply,” Porter says. “Don’t feel the need to respond immediately, particularly when you have sent personal boundaries that would otherwise be compromised by a response.”

5. You’re out of energy

There aren’t always enough hours in the day to respond to every last text or response you got when you took the bait and commented on a hot-topic Facebook post.

“Time is our most precious resource, and the energy one expends is a direct deposit into that energy,” Porter says. “Choose your direction wisely.”

Related: 10 Genius Phrases To Use Instead of ‘I’m Busy,’ According to Psychologists

When To Respond To Someone With Words

1. You see something toxic

See something, say something isn’t just best practice while taking public transportation (though it’s important then too). 

“It’s important to respond to protect others,” Porter says. “One must not be a bystander and let aggressive content go unchecked. This is particularly relevant if you find yourself in a group chat or on social media in a community that you value.”

Porter says you don’t have to respond right away. A pause can de-escalate a conversation and give time for a well-thought-out, respectful reply.

2. You value the person

Not responding to someone is a surefire way to put stress on or even end a relationship. If you care about the person, Porter says it’s best to reply.

“A response to those in our public and personal lives who we value is always necessary,” Porter says. “There are many degrees of commitment and obligation to a friend, co-worker or other that many need evaluating, but some acknowledgment of a communication with a response is the best course.”

“I’m sorry I can’t come to your party. What would be a good time to get together? I’d love to take you out to dinner,” for example, is a polite way to RSVP no to a birthday bash you cannot attend because of a work commitment.

3. It’s time-sensitive

Porter says it’s important to respond to time-sensitive requests, like a client’s request to move up a deadline. The response doesn’t have to be novel-length. Acknowledging receipt is a good first step if you need a minute to consider the request.

4. Party invitations

Anything with an RSVP deadline requires a response, even if it’s “thanks but no thanks.” Even if you’re on the outs with someone.

“Courtesy demands an RSVP for any invitation regardless of the state of the relationship and whether the invitation is welcome,” Porter says. “Even in fractured relationships, a response is essential.”

“Thanks for the invite, but I can’t make it” works just fine.

Related: How Late Is Too Late To Cancel Plans? What Etiquette Experts Wish Everyone Knew

5. Gratitude

If someone takes the time to express gratitude, Porter says it’s polite to acknowledge them.

“Gratitude from others is always an opportunity to respond with more gratitude that can lift both parties whether in a time of trial or loss or celebration,” Porter says. “Take the time to create more positive communications that can sustain others and self.”

Up Next:

Related: ‘I’ve Been a Behavior Psychologist for 10 Years, Here Are the 2 Best Tricks To Avoid Being ‘Socially Awkward’

Sources:

• Ghosting and destiny: Implicit theories of relationships predict beliefs about ghosting. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships.
• Gone with the wind: Exploring mobile daters’ ghosting experiences. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships.
• When Candidates and Recruiters Vanish: Indeed’s Ghosting in Hiring Report. Indeed for Employers.
• Jennifer Porter, an etiquette expert with Satsuma Designs LLC