Let’s be clear from the start: “Golden handcuffs” aren’t as fun or as sexy as they may sound, unfortunately. When we’re talking about “golden handcuffs,” we’re talking about a certain type of work situation.
It’s fair to say that the workplace isn’t the most fun topic of conversation, especially if you’ve been struggling to find a job that’s in-demand for 50-year-olds or worrying about whether you’ve saved the amount of money you’re “supposed” to by now (the answer for me is no). But it’s important to talk about what “golden handcuffs” look like because they can hold you back, keeping you from feeling as fulfilled, satisfied and happy as possible.
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‘Golden Handcuffs’ Meaning
“Golden handcuffs” are job “perks” that sound amazing, but leave you feeling stuck or controlled.
“On paper, everything looks great,” says Dr. Ehab Youssef, a licensed psychologist who specializes in transformative therapy. “However, emotionally and psychologically, the person often feels trapped. The ‘golden’ part refers to the reward, and the ‘handcuffs’ part points to the restriction or loss of freedom.”
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In practice, he says they’re usually financial incentives, such as high salaries, stock options, bonuses or generous benefits. Basically, things that keep you in a job you might not otherwise want to stay in.
If that definition doesn’t hit hard, this client quote might: “I had a client, a corporate attorney, who once said, ‘I feel like I’ve built a prison with a view,’” Dr. Youssef recalls. “That’s a perfect metaphor for what golden handcuffs can feel like.”
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5 Signs You’re Dealing With Golden Handcuffs at Work
1. You fantasize about quitting, but feel you can’t afford to
You want to quit—maybe because the workload is stressful or your boss is cold, for example—but you hate to say goodbye to the money.
“A client of mine used to spend her lunch breaks job-browsing, then talk herself out of applying because of her bonus schedule,” Dr. Youssef explains.
2. You feel emotionally disconnected from your job
In other words, Dr. Youssef says, you might show up out of obligation rather than because of a sense of purpose. You may not feel like you matter or that you care about the work you’re doing. One of his clients said she felt like a “well-paid ghost.”
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3. Your physical health is declining
Remember that mental well-being and physical well-being are connected; they can affect each other. Dr. Youssef says you may experience frequent headaches, poor sleep and stress-eating.
4. You feel pressure to maintain a certain lifestyle
As mentioned, the main factor that keeps you in a “golden handcuff job” is usually the financial piece. Maybe you or your family have gotten used to the lifestyle that matches it, and you don’t want to let that go.
“Golden handcuffs often come with golden spending habits,” Dr. Youssef validates. “I had a client who said, ‘If I left, I’d have to sell the house, and that feels like failure.’”
5. You’re counting down the days until retirement or your vesting date
Last but not least, feeling motivated by the end milestone rather than any other reason can be another sign, according to Dr. Youssef.
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What To Do if You’re Dealing With Golden Handcuffs
Differentiate your values and your lifestyle
Dr. Youssef led an activity with a client where they created two columns: what the client needs to live meaningfully, and what they think they need to maintain their current lifestyle.
“It helped him see that the gym membership, private school and biannual vacations were nice, but not essential to his well-being,” Dr. Youssef says. “That shift gave him permission to explore a lower-paying but more fulfilling opportunity.”
Create a 6- to 12-month exit plan
Just because you realize you’re “in golden handcuffs” doesn’t mean you have to jump ship immediately, nor may you want to. With that said, you may be at or get to a point where you’re approaching that ready-to-go feeling.
One way to be and feel more prepared is by creating a plan and a “freedom fund.” Basically, set up a period where you save money and develop skills for a more value-aligned role.
“Having a plan replaced panic with hope,” Dr. Youssef says.
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Redefine what “success” means to you
For some people—and perhaps especially those dealing with golden handcuffs—”success” may be equated with external validation, titles, income and prestige. But what if success could mean something different?
“In therapy, we unpack where those beliefs came from (often childhood or cultural narratives) and build a definition that feels more authentic,” Dr. Youssef explains.
For example, “success” could be job satisfaction, having more time to spend with family, less anxiety or a job that aligns with different values of yours—and that’s only a start.
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Test new paths before making big leaps
This is another option that can make you feel more prepared and even hopeful.
“One client, a burnt-out exec, started teaching one night a week at a local college,” Dr. Youssef shares. “It helped her reconnect with purpose and confirmed that she didn’t want to stay in corporate forever, and she eventually transitioned out with a clearer direction.”
Work with a therapist
Therapists can help with day-to-day and temporary struggles, not just major concerns. Consider talking to one. According to Dr. Youssef, therapists can help you untangle money, identity and fears of change—which can make you feel better and make those earlier suggestions feel more doable.
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Source
- Dr. Ehab Youssef, a licensed psychologist who specializes in transformative therapy
