Before people tell me I’m being too picky, this isn’t the same as not giving someone a chance or making a snap decision before you’ve even had the time to properly talk. I’ve given out chances and haven’t asked for much back in exchange for my time and openness. So, this isn’t about a lack of chances, it’s about engaging with people you know aren’t right for you. You might be thinking, well, that’s easy, Tanyel. Again, I don’t think it is that simple. For ages now in modern dating, we’ve spoken about people in extremes. “He’s a narcissist,” is thrown around casually. When we speak of bad dating behavior, people love to put labels on it. While that helps us define confusing situations, the truth is that most people aren’t far on either side of the good and bad spectrum. A lot of us are somewhere in the middle and haven’t done awful things. Someone can be decent and not for you, but rarely do we speak about dating in such a neutral way. A date might have said something you weren’t keen on at all, or done something that doesn’t align with you. But because it wasn’t horrendous, doubt creeps in about your decision to not go out again and that person ends up eating more of your time than they should. And guess what? You’re still single at the end of it, grappling with the same disillusionment, only this time, there’s a fresh sting to it.
