The sights of the Rhine were supposed to mean time away from the noise of an angry, divided world.Andreas Rentz/Getty Images Europe
Jane Christmas is a Canadian author.
We are on the Rhine, sailing down the lazy river, staring at ancient European castles and pine-covered hills. The occasional barge or river boat passes in the opposite direction. We wave. We lean over the rail and watch the currents and eddies. The river flows, the sun beams. It’s life in the slow lane, and boy, do we need it. Away from the noise of an angry, divided world. Away from blaring headlines, from the fearmongers urging us to prepare an emergency kit because the Apocalypse is closing in. Away from the stuff that makes our hearts race and our minds plunge into dark thinking.
Look who’s sorry now: Americans are an apologetic bunch to this Canadian on vacation
Our party of four Canadian couples finds itself to be among a distinct minority on this small cruise ship. The American passengers vastly outnumber us: 135 of them, fewer than 30 of us. It’s awkward, given the trade tensions between our two nations. Still, we’re pretty sure we can roll with it. We’re a friendly, easygoing bunch.
Two nights in, the cruise director announces a pub quiz. Hey, that sounds fun. Let’s do it. The other passengers form their groups, grab their drinks, and off we go. Team Canada hits a near-perfect score, falling at the question, On which side of her face is Mona Lisa’s smile? But it doesn’t matter, we’ve won handily. Our reward is two bottles of champagne, one of which we immediately hand to the American group sitting next to us as thanks for marking our answer sheet. They’re simpatico. We think.
Walking back to our rooms, I clock another large group of Americans. Their lips are tight, their arms crossed. I can imagine they’re the type to start yelling “U.S.A.! U.S.A.!” at a moment’s notice. They glare at us. One of them – male, white, obese, scarfing down an entire tube of complimentary peanuts – gives me the stink eye and calls out, in a MAGA tone, the number 51.
“In your dreams, buddy,” I say with a smile, and walk on.
But when I reach the door of our room, the smile is gone and my head is filled with less civil replies, ones that might elicit a punch being thrown. One of our friends asks what that guy had said to me. I confirm what she overheard. The faces on the rest of our group fall. Apparently, there’s no escape from bullies, even on a seniors’ cruise.
Keller: We see your joke about the 51st state, and raise you a reference to sacking the White House
As the trip goes on, things do not improve. Aside from two Americans who approach us to apologize for their current President, the rest treat us as if we’re COVID carriers. They rarely acknowledge us in the hall, don’t meet our eyes or say hello or good morning like normal people do when they’re on a pleasure boat together. During the off-board excursions, they huddle with their countrymen and either ignore us or shoot us looks of disdain. More Canadian invisibility arrives via the tour guides, who constantly point out Americanisms to their guests – a U.S. embassy here, a bridge named after JFK there, the former home of the guy who designed the Statue of Liberty. Americans are on a constant drip-feed of their own cultural fodder. That’s why we won the quiz – as the saying goes, Canadians know about the world; Americans only know about themselves.
Here’s the thing: It’s not enough for Canadians to buy ABA (anything but American), we need to work on self-belief and entrepreneurship. We haven’t promoted our country or culture abroad as vociferously or aggressively as we could, believing that polite and passive would win the day. How’s that been working out for us?
As a Canadian living in Britain, I’ve witnessed the fallout. We are a ghost nation beyond our borders. I had to remind an otherwise educated English twentysomething where exactly Canada was on a map. It’s humbling given the rhetoric that “Canada matters on the world stage.” What stage? We can’t even get verbal support from the Commonwealth or England when it matters. They snickered when our PM was called “governor,” and our sovereignty was bullied. They thought it was a joke. Look at them scrambling now.
Still, why have we assumed that the world knows who we are? Each week I leaf through the British newspapers and see the same dull tourism ads for Niagara Falls and the Rocky Mountaineer that I’ve seen for the last two decades. Where’s the nightlife of Canada’s cities? The picturesque Newfoundland villages? The Inuit arts and awesome Northern landscapes? The architectural and cultural charm of Quebec? Where are the theatres, galleries, literary festivals and vineyards? I’d suggest our tourism ads include shopping as a visitor activity (our dollar being a bargain) but we’ve shamefully cross-border shopped so much that we’ve lost our signature department stores, having sold most of them to the highest (often American) bidder. Nice one. Is no one minding our commercial legacy?
It’s time to step up. We need to be seen as a country on the rise, as well as one that gets involved. Yes to increasing our defence spending, but also to elbowing in to some of the world’s ongoing conflicts and helping to mediate their end. Why do we always leave this task to the U.S.?
Then there’s the lack of overseas trade. Aluminum and steel, sure, but what about wine? There’s no end of Australian, New Zealand and American wines on the shelves of British grocery stores, but nothing from Canada. No one in Britain is even aware of Canadian viticulture. Let’s get those bottles overseas.
It’s all very well to wear your “Never 51” shirt, or to post your Canuck creds on Instagram, or to boycott Netflix and Amazon, but it’s time to think bigger, bolder. Time to make a splash. If our efforts are rebuffed south of the border, big deal. There are other countries in this world to woo. Why do we still measure Canadian success against our neighbour’s barometer? It’s obvious by now that big isn’t always best.
Back on board our cruise boat, the froideur continues and mystifies my group. Did we belittle their leader on national television, as Donald Trump did ours? Did we threaten their sovereignty? Upend their trade deals? No. They started it. And it sounds like a playground spat until you understand that it’s moved into gaslighting territory: We are somehow the enemy.
This is the strategy of their leader: Drop the stink bomb and blame the other guy. He’s told/signalled/tweeted to his nation that Canadians are lazy, do-nothing freeloaders. Of course it’s a lie, but try convincing a boatload of Americans of their country’s misguided path, a group who’ve dined on a century of obsequiousness that the world – including Canada – has fed them. The water might be choppy, but it’s time we charted our own course, and make waves that count.