From left: Anna De Sousa, Loyd Gebreselassie, Samira Nur, Nishtha Tomer and Shantelle Carrion are 12th-graders from Kitchener, Ont., and spoke to The Globe about sexual harassment and consent.Photography by Nicole Osborne/The Globe and Mail
Eight years ago, at the peak of the #MeToo movement, it seemed, for a brief moment, like progress was imminent. Women from around the world were sharing their extensive – and oftentimes painful – experiences of sexual abuse and violence, and lawmakers and corporations alike were pledging to make change.
But in the years since, that progress has been stuttered. Harvey Weinstein, the film mogul whose case served as the rallying cry for the #MeToo movement, saw one of his convictions overturned. Donald Trump, who in 2023 was found liable for rape, was re-elected as President of the United States.
And here in Canada, the recent Hockey Canada trial has reignited a conversation around what constitutes consent.
The Globe and Mail spoke with a group of five teenaged girls, all of them 12th-graders from Kitchener, Ont., to get their thoughts on the current state of things: what it’s like to be a young woman growing up in the post-#MeToo era, what sexual harassment looks like today and what they wish they’d been taught about consent.
Have you all been following the Hockey Canada trial?
[All of them shaking their heads no]
Samira Nur, 17: It wasn’t on my radar. But it does sound similar to a lot of stories I’ve heard, whether it’s from people I know, or stories from the news.
The case centres around consent – whether the young woman at the centre of it felt pressured and coerced into a situation she couldn’t handle.
How does that land with all of you? Have any of you had experiences where you felt pressured into uncomfortable situations?
Samira: I work at a grocery store, so I encounter a lot of creepy men. There are a lot of older guys who are like, “Oh, how old are you?” “Let me take you home.” Or comment on my body while I’m picking something up from the floor. I’ve had a couple guys follow me home.
I had another man ask me my ethnicity. When I said I was Somali, he was like, “Oh, girls your age are married with kids by now. I’m going to ask your mom for your hand in marriage.”
Technically speaking, I’m at work, and under the expectation that I still have to treat these people with kindness, despite the fact that I’m being, like, fully disrespected.
Anna De Sousa, 18: I’ve been working since I was 12 at a bakery. There’s this one [older male] customer I encounter every year. He comes in every summer, and asks me my age. And he always says, “Oh, don’t worry, I’ll wait until you’re 18.”
Last year, he was like, “You’re 17 now. Next year, I’ll be back. We’re gonna go out.” I know he’s going to show up this summer. Every time I see his face, my body literally starts shaking.
As a teenager in the 1990s, I don’t remember learning about consent or body safety in high school. What kind of sexual education were you given?
Nishtha Tomer, 18: In Grade 9 health class, I think we only had, like, one or two classes about sex ed, and that’s about it. It was mostly just sexual health – pregnancy, STDs and a lot about that. I also heard we learned a lot more than the guys did.
A mistrial, jury dismissal, excluded evidence: Key moments in the Hockey Canada trial
What about consent?
Loyd Gebreselassie, 18: I know that they mentioned briefly things about consent – like what are your personal boundaries? And how do we make sure that’s expressed? But it wasn’t very in-depth.
Samira: I think they used the “tea” scenario. Like, if you don’t want tea, you say you don’t want tea. [Everybody laughs]
It was like a YouTube video. It wasn’t really treated very seriously.
What do you wish you’d been taught?
Samira: I wish we could have learned more about how much of a grey area consent can be. Consent can be removed. It can be coerced. It can be [the result of] abuse. Consent isn’t as simple as yes or no.
Not in terms of sexual situations, but I think a lot of us have said yes [to things] because of pressure, and not because we felt freedom or liberation to choose.
I think that can apply in a lot of young women’s sexual encounters – like because they’re scared of losing someone.
Anna: That’s one thing I wish we explored more at school: Being able to say no in a way where you feel protected, you feel safe, but it’s also respectful.
So where do you turn to for advice on handling these situations?
Shantelle Carrion, 18: I learned more from my mom. But it’s kind of scary knowing that my knowledge of consent and relationships – everything comes from my parents. Thankfully, I’m in a very loving family, but that’s not the case for everyone.
Nishtha: I do have a close relationship with my parents. But it’s still a brown household, and an immigrant household [Nishtha’s parents are immigrants from India]. So it is a very stigmatized topic. So I mostly learned, like, from my amazing friend group about these things – and online as well.
What about the role of alcohol or other substances when it comes to consent? What kinds of conversations are you girls having with your friends and families about that?
Shantelle: Underage drinking is so normalized. I’ve had a personal experience where I went to a party [inebriated] my very first time – my only time. I regret it a lot. Thankfully I had a bunch of my girls with me.
I bring this up because this is what happened in the Hockey Canada trial. It gives me chills, imagining the situation I could have gotten into if nobody else was there. It’s so scary.
We’ve been talking about it a lot [as friends], because we’re going to be freshmen soon – how there’s going to be a big party culture at university.
As a teenager in the 90s, sexual harassment meant, for the most part, harassment on the street, or at school. What does it look like for you today?
Nishtha: Honestly, I think it’s gotten worse. With Instagram and Snapchat, it gives guys the ability to be anonymous when they’re saying things. It switched from, like, being in the hallways to, like, texting your account, adding you to group chats. They will not say a word to you in real life, but online, it’s the meanest things.
And what does it look like when you try to have conversations about this stuff with your male peers?
Loyd: I think this trend is growing with younger men – this Andrew Tate, red-pill sort of mentality. “You have to be jacked. Your woman has to be submissive.” All these ideologies they’ve gathered and almost try to force onto women – and especially teenagers.
Samira: It’s gotten more hostile with the digital era. A lot of men do take women speaking out about these situations as hatred. I see that a lot.
At the height of the #MeToo movement, many of us had hoped that things would be better, and safer for the next generation of young women. Has that been the case?
Shantelle: I feel like the #MeToo era was amazing in the sense of spreading awareness, and bringing solidarity between women. More so that than actually really solving anything.
Nishtha: It removed a lot of stigmatization, and helped to destigmatize conservations around sexual assault. And it helped remove a lot of shame that women carry.
But I feel like legally, or even politically, there hasn’t been real recognition or actual change for victims.
Women did learn to cope with that together, and did build more of a sense of community. But also, it’s something we shouldn’t be having to cope with. There should be consequences.
