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Illustration by Catherine Chan
When I’m in line at the golf pro shop, I like to watch the hotshots spend a mini fortune buying the latest and greatest golf balls that will magically improve their games. Go for it guys! I’ll be following you in the next group and will find some of the golf balls you spray into the woods and ponds all over the course.
Bet you don’t realize you’re being followed by a “ball hawk.”
What’s the appeal? Well … the cost of green fees and buying golf clubs and golf shoes is already high enough. Saving any money is a good idea. I would consider myself a failure if I spent even a nickel buying golf balls when there are so many good balls waiting to be found hidden off the course.
More importantly, searching for them is fun. Its like an Easter egg hunt every time I golf.
Its also therapeutic. Japan is known for promoting the concept of walking in nature to improve health. The practice is known as shinrin-yoku, or forest bathing. I’m a believer since walking through the woods looking for golf balls lowers my stress level due to its distracting and calming effects. Let’s face it … most of us aren’t great golfers (we should call the game “flog” instead of “golf”) but when I find a few lost balls, at least something went right at that hole.
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Once, my wife and I got stuck behind a painfully slow corporate golf tournament and our 18-hole game took almost six hours to complete. Arrgh! But we turned misery into fun by realizing we had tons of time to look for balls. There is no shortage of booze being consumed on the course and free balls being given away in corporate tournaments. We set a record during that round finding 112 balls. What would be a painful round for the average golfer is a bonanza for ball hawks like us.
I clean the balls I find using the ball washing machine next to each tee box. It’s a great arm workout as I push the contraption up and down to rub dozens of balls against the wet brushes inside. My wife then uses a towel to dry them and put them in our bags.
While golfing in Florida, however, I lost my enthusiasm to hunt for balls. What appeared to be a log while strolling absent-mindedly along the water’s edge morphed into an alligator. Later, I excitedly told the course marshal about seeing my first gator on the fifth hole. He smiles and says, “Don’t worry about old George. If he gives you any trouble, just conk him on the head with your six iron, but what you really have to worry about are the snakes.” Thinking back, I did remember some weird rustling sounds while looking for balls in the woods.
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Hunting for golf balls in Canada isn’t easy either thanks to mosquitoes and thorns. There are also those annoying soft burrs that stick to your head and the back of your shirt like Velcro and have to be pried off by your partner. But it is also a badge of honour to be covered in them … it shows true commitment. Pro tip: wear glasses or sunglasses when searching in the woods in case you have close encounters with pointy twigs.
Sometimes another ball hawk joins me on the hunt. This really helps when I need a hand to hold for support while leaning over the water’s edge straining to reach a ball. Success through teamwork.
Our current inventory is 415 balls. After each game/ball hunt we come home and have a sorting ritual. We save empty egg cartons because the balls fit perfectly. We sort the crappier beat-up balls into separate cartons since friends just starting to golf are grateful for any freebies. The good balls have to be sorted eggxactly right because most experienced golfers have favourite brands. This is our golf altruism: “Oh, you like Titleist Pro V1? Here … take this carton.”
Friends don’t let friends buy golf balls.
Steve Watson lives in Markham, Ont.
