Thomas Verny is a clinical psychiatrist, academic, award-winning author, public speaker, poet and podcaster. He is the author of eight books, including the global bestseller The Secret Life of the Unborn Child and 2021’s The Embodied Mind: Understanding the Mysteries of Cellular Memory, Consciousness and Our Bodies.
Today, as a society, we are under a great deal of stress. Men and women, LGBTQ people, racialized people, Indigenous people and new immigrants are experiencing these rapidly changing times differently. An in-depth discussion of these differences would take a book, not a column, so, in this piece I have elected to focus on men.
Richard V. Reeves, a British American scholar, argues that men are struggling to adapt to rapid and unsettling social transformations. He contends that the advancement of women’s rights, combined with the economy’s move from physical labour to knowledge-based work, has deprived many men of what Scottish psychiatrist R.D. Laing called “ontological security,” a stable sense of identity. Reeves warns that men now face the danger of becoming “culturally redundant.” This crisis is reflected in men’s retreat from the work force and reduced participation in fatherhood. Its effects are especially acute for Black men, gay men and for men without college degrees, who endure falling real wages, shorter life spans, and collapsing family structures. Between 1968 and 2023, the suicide rate for young men in the U. S. nearly doubled. [1] Reeves stresses that the situation is so grave it demands urgent social action. As he puts it, “working for gender equality now requires focusing on boys rather than girls.” [2]
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A team of reporters from The Economist spoke with young adults in 20 countries and found a recurring theme. University-educated heterosexual women often expressed frustration over the shortage of well-educated, open-minded men for romantic relationships. Meanwhile, many young working-class men complained that feminism has overreached and is limiting opportunities for men. [3]
Pikeville, Ky., often called “the whitest and second-poorest congressional district in the USA,” was the site of Arlie Russell Hochschild’s University of California, Berkeley, recent study. Professor Hochschild interviewed blue-collar men in small churches, hillside hollers, roadside diners, trailer parks, and Narcotics Anonymous meetings. She found the town’s politics deeply influenced by grief over “stolen pride” and the shame tied to the area’s economic and social decline. She found some embrace a “bootstrap pride,” while others, such as Matthew Heimbach, co-founder of the neo-Nazi Traditionalist Workers Party, adopt what she calls the identity of moral rebels. [4]
Whether in Appalachia or anywhere else men feel left out, not needed or not valued, the likelihood of them becoming depressed and suicidal or angry and violent increases exponentially. They also occupy a growing presence in the “manosphere,” a loose network of communities that claim to address men’s struggles. [5] These groups are united by an opposition to feminism and cast men as “victims” of the current social and political climate.
The November Institute, a leading men’s health organization in the U.K. surveyed more than 3,000 young men aged 16 to 25 across the U.K., U.S. and Australia. They found that two-thirds of young men regularly engage with masculinity influencers online. And almost one-third (27 per cent) of young men watching masculinity influencers reported feelings of worthlessness. Both figures are alarming, as is the popularity of extreme language in the manosphere which not only normalizes violence against women and girls but has growing links to radicalization and extremist ideologies. [6]
The cacophony of social media gets even shriller and more disorienting for men and women by female influencers who preach that for women housewifery is the highest form of wellness, an antidote to the soulless demands of professional life. At a conservative women’s conference in June, podcast host Alex Clark urged thousands of attendees to embrace this outlook: “Less Prozac, more protein. [What does that mean? Did anyone ask?] Less burnout, more babies. Less feminism, more femininity.” Ironically, no one seems to have questioned Ms. Clark’s qualifications to speak on this subject, considering she is single and childless. [7]
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These are complex issues arising from decades of political, economic and technological realignment. In addition, there are wars, mass migrations, climate change, virus epidemics, AI and wildfires to contend with.
Politicians have noticed. For example, Barack Obama joined his wife Michelle recently on a podcast titled, What’s Right About Young Men, They pointed out the dearth of hands-on, engaged fathering in many families; the lack of male teachers in the educational system; and the difficulty men have in making male friends. “Approach boys and men with empathy and compassion, not blame and shame,” said the Obamas. [8].
Last month, Jennifer Siebel Newsom, wife of California governor Gavin Newsom, wrote, “Our young men and boys are facing a crisis of loneliness and social isolation that is showing up in their mental health, educational outcomes, future economic opportunities, and more. Raising healthy boys will take all of us – moms, dads, teachers, coaches, and mentors – working together to find new ways forward.” [9].
Sentiments I share. However, as I attempt to understand this very complex issue I am reminded of what we were taught early on in medical school: “structure determines function.” In other words, the way something is built or organized determines how it operates, behaves or feels.
Most people don’t realize the truly profound influence that sex hormones have in shaping our brains and bodies.
Right at conception male embryos initiate the production of testosterone and female embryos of estrogen. With respect to the brain, the left hemisphere, generally considered primarily the analytical part of the brain, develops more in men whereas the right hemisphere that processes information of an emotional and intuitive type is more developed in women. Women are better connected to both hemispheres than men and their language area is larger, which enhances social communication. Men’s brain activity is more tightly co-ordinated within local brain regions which supports analytical thinking and focused attention. [10]
Estrogen is crucial for the development of female sexual characteristics, including breast development. It regulates the growth of the uterine lining and prepares the body for ovulation.
Testosterone in males is essential for the development of male sex organs, sperm production, and the maintenance of muscle mass, bone density and body hair. It also affects libido and mood. In females, testosterone plays a role in sexual desire and arousal. Testosterone contributes to greater dominance-seeking and risk-taking behaviour in boys and men.
Recent research has shown that after a child is born, mothers and other female caregivers tend to encourage behaviour which is positive, helpful, and intended to promote social acceptance and friendship in their daughters, while fathers and other male caregivers tend to be rambunctious and more physical with male children, fostering in them individuality over sociability, thought over feeling and action over language. Mothers tend to talk more expressively to their daughters than their sons, thus fostering in them a stronger awareness of their emotions than in boys. [11].
While obviously it’s not the only determinant, you can surmise how differences in their sex hormones, brain anatomy and early parenting can lead to men and women developing very basic personality differences. Girls and women tend to become more outgoing, more verbal, more in touch with their senses and feelings, more protective of the weak and more observant than boys.
In contrast, males tend to develop traits like assertiveness, aggression and competitiveness, a heightened inclination toward status hierarchies, and a focus on leadership roles.
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In the past, such personality traits defined the ideal of masculinity: strong, silent, principled, incorruptible, emotionally reserved, often a family man and good provider. These norms were upheld for generations by entrenched social, religious, economic, political, and cultural systems.
In our time, however, those systems have undergone dramatic transformations, reshaping how both men and women perceive masculinity.
Male biology imparts a conservative outlook on life with a preference for the status quo. Because they are less verbal than women, they tend to act out their feelings which can lead to violence or addictions.
A number of men in the West believe that women are ascending to positions of prestige and power that they once held. It is a kind of cultural teeter-totter. Women are seen as rising triumphant, while men, in free fall, feel defeated and angry. It’s hard to measure but it seems to me an equal number of women must think just the opposite, given the erosion of reproductive rights, the rise in domestic violence and femicide, persistent pay inequality and the vitriol women in power face daily online and in the media.
In this column I have focused on how men, particularly young men, are reacting to a world that is rapidly undergoing cataclysmic changes. Of course, men are not a homogeneous entity, “one size fits all.” There are huge differences between urban and rural men, men executives and men factory workers, racialized men, queer men, etc. Furthermore, men do not live in a vacuum. They live with women, surrounded by and in relationships with women. There is strong evidence that both men and women are presently in distress.
It is one thing to diagnose: it’s another to come up with a remedy. We live on this planet, in this ecosystem with our unique bio-psycho-social personalities, strengths and weaknesses. We are all in this mess together. We need to learn to get along other, to build bridges, not fences, to try to understand, not judge.
References
- Miller, Claire Cain (2025). It’s Not Just a Feeling: Data Shows Boys and Young Men Are Falling Behind. The New York Times.
- Reeves, Richard, (2022). Of Boys and Men: Why the Modern Male Is Struggling, Why It Matters, and What to Do About It. Bloomsberry Academic
- Guest, Robert (2024). Why young men and women are drifting apart. The Economist.
- Hochschild,Arlie Russell (2025). Stolen Pride. New Press.
- Basu, Tanya (2020). The “manosphere” is getting more toxic as angry men join the incels. MIT Technology Review.
- November Institute.
- Goldberg, Emma (2025). The Women Who Think the World Needs More Babies. The New York Times.
- What’s Right About Young Men
- Governor Newsom issues executive order to support young men and boys, address suicide rates | Governor of California
- Goldman, B. (2017). Two Minds: The cognitive differences between men and women. Stanford University.
- Aznar, A., & Tenenbaum, H. R. (2015). Gender and age differences in parent–child emotion talk. British Journal of Developmental Psychology, 33(1), 148-155.
