A Dungeon Master wears many hats. Sometimes you are a narrator, other times you are the arbiter of rules. More often, you are a multitasking pseudo-god hooked on caffeine trying to keep everything in check and fight against the tides of chaos.
The hardest hat to wear, however, is that of the human resources manager. A game of Dungeons & Dragons is, after all, made of people. Props will only get you so far (no matter what the new starter set has to say about it). As a DM, you have an untold, unofficial duty of managing that collective of human beings and making sure that everyone is happy — at least for the time they spend at the table.
The majority of potential conflicts and unpleasant situations are easy to avoid by taking proper care in the early stages of forming a D&D group. To put it simply: Decide what you want from your D&D experience and build a group that shares those same values and expectations. If you want a narrative-focused campaign, for example, maybe it’s best not to invite that person who set fire to an entire city in a game because “That’s what my character would do.” However, even after you put together what you believe to be the perfect group, there is always a chance for conflict to arise. Playing a long game of D&D is a much more delicate act than one could imagine.
I learned this lesson a while ago. After finishing the first long campaign with a group — a beautiful, 18-month trek through the icy landscapes of Rime of the Frostmaiden — everyone was so happy about that experience that we decided to give that party of characters one last hurrah, playing a short follow-up adventure. (And totally ignoring the lessons taught by spectacular sequels such as Highlander 2 or Jaws 2.) Suffering from DM burnout after such a long campaign, I decided to pick a simple-yet-engaging dungeon crawl: The Lost Caverns of Tsojcanth, the 5th edition adaptation of the Gary Gygax classic module. The issue, however, was that the player characters had hit level 11 by the end of the previous campaign, and this adventure is designed for a level 9 party. So, I came up with an idea that, in my mind, would solve the problem neatly. Oh boy, how naive.
The nice thing about The Lost Caverns is that you don’t get to the dungeon right away. First, players have to find the entrance by exploring a small wilderness area with a bunch of pre-set encounters, including a scary Blue Dragon and a mysterious hermit that turns out to be an archmage. So, I made the dragon much older (and stronger) than he is in the adventure and had him chase the players, who found refuge in the hermit’s shack. While they were resting during the night, the hermit traded their most powerful magic items with the dragon in exchange for their safety. This made the adventure a lot more challenging, as the party had by then collected some pretty broken stuff, including a Staff of Power that belonged to the Warlock/Bard. Except I had made a massive mistake: I took away players’ agency.
No one likes to see their beloved possessions taken away, in real life or in a game. The players had worked hard to get those treasures, surviving a whole campaign that was quite stingy in terms of magical rewards. I thought that they would all be fine with it anyway because this was supposed to be just a spin-off and an excuse to play together a little more, but I was wrong. The (former) owner of the Staff of Power reached out to me in private and expressed frustration and grievance for having lost the item. I was surprised and unwilling to change the story again, leading to further conflict, so I almost lost one of my players over something so trivial. Ultimately, the issue was resolved, and at the end of the dungeon crawl, the heroes challenged the mighty dragon to recover their belongings, but I still learned a valuable lesson there.
There are times as a DM when it’s OK to take things away from your players. A certain object may turn out to be too powerful, for example, and risk ruining the balance of the game and the overall experience at the table. That’s fine, but what you should never take away is agency. Players should always feel like they’re in control of their characters.
As a DM, you can have the illusion of absolute power, but that’s far from true. D&D, in my interpretation, is a collaborative storytelling game — emphasis on collaborative. You can create the most amazing and detailed worlds possible, but they’re meaningless without real people inhabiting them and bringing them to life with their actions and decisions. It’s a tough balancing act. A DM has a privileged point of view, so it’s easy to think you know best. But remember, even if that is true, the best stories are those that develop organically, which means letting your players make the decisions concerning their characters. No one likes a deus ex machina.
The solution to these issues is to use the strongest weapon in a dungeon master’s arsenal (besides the “You sure you want to do that?” Jedi mind trick): talk! Discuss things with your players, in private or in group. Ask for their opinion and feedback, especially for big decisions that will impact their characters in negative ways. It will take away the surprise effect from the story sometimes, but a mildly surprised player is better than an unhappy one.