“I watched the Anna Nicole Smith show and now it’s over, so now I watch WrestleMania and things like that, simply because a poet must not avert his eyes. You have to know in which collective world you are living; you cannot isolate yourself, you should not.” ~ Werner Herzog
Somewhere beyond the grim corridors of Pharloom, far past the grief-stricken island of Lumière, chaos brews atop the great neon city. The vile stench of gasoline and burning rubber trickles down from the rooftops as cars tear through the night like the sawblade shreds the twig. Here, both animal and man engage in ritualistic bloodsport. There is no reward to be earned from racing in silly circles. The daredevils risk certain death as each hairpin turn on this urban highway puts them inches away from the eternal abyss. What drives a creature to such madness?
This is brutality. This is triumph. This is Garfield Kart 2 – All You Can Drift.
Retreading the dangerous path last traced by 2019’s Garfield Kart: Furious Racing, the new kart racing game awakens the indolent orange cat from his deep slumber. His free will stripped away, he can no longer choose laziness as he is wont to do. He must press his paw against the cold steel of a gas pedal. The allure of a Grand Prix calls to him, a trophy carved from gold awaiting at the end of three four-track circuits. Yet to achieve this ecstasy, he must evade flying dog food bowls, soap bars melting on the asphalt, and more tools of destruction doled out to his rivals by an unseen God who denies mercy to the living. It is a sad life. The only escape from this Sisyphean hell is the finish line.
The feline is not alone in this violent pursuit; he is joined by friend and foe alike. The foolish canine Odie races alongside him, as does the humble veterinarian Liz and more characters born from the pages of fading newsprint. Yet there is an uneasy absence in the underwhelming eight-character roster. Doc, the simple farm boy, does not ride alongside his brother, John. We do not see the chicken of Green Acres that yearns to be born. And where is the gentle Pooky, the corpulent cat’s sole source of comfort? This is not a place for pleasure.
The world of Garfield Kart 2 is awash in these suffocating limitations. No, you may not adjust the volume of the funky music or the furious sound of porcelain bowls clashing against steel. You may not create an online lobby with your friends; you must only suffer with strangers on one randomly selected course at a time. And you may not reconfigure the buttons of your gamepad. No. To enter a race is to cede control to a defiant program that turns its back on quality of life like the atheist to the chapel. You may request such features to this mysterious Eden Games in a darkened confessional, but who is to know if anyone is there to listen on the other side of the wall?
You know that God would disapprove, but what is the harm in a sweet bite of trash?
With barren menus, the driver has no choice but to focus on the art of racing itself, whether it’s in Grand Prix cups, Time Trials, or Free Races. To build its craft, Garfield Kart 2 worships at the altar of the ancient Italian plumber and his cartoon confidants. The kart can be accelerated. It can drift during turns for an extra boost. It can achieve greater momentum by closely tailing another. You can do your little airborne tricks, raising your furry arms to God. These are familiar actions, anchors in the cruelty. Even the young child could pick up a controller and begin moving about. There is an animal instinct that fuels these races, whether alone or with four brave fools in local play.
This experience begins to croak out its own voice when it diverts from its inspiration, charting its own course through the absurdity of arcade racing. Consider this: Racers can modify their karts with unlockable parts, each of which adjusts stats like acceleration and speed. (Has this fiendish cat learned this mechanical alchemy from the blue hedgehog, who waits at the starting line of his own sick race?) And Nermal can don a sombrero. There are hats that beg to be worn. Reflect on this. We must savor these delicious droplets of self-expression like hummingbirds swarming the flower’s sweet nectar — or like the cat scarfing down the burnt mozzarella caked onto the corners of the lasagna’s baking sheet.
Yet at every turn, you are reminded that this is a mirror image with little identity of its own. It looks and plays like Mario Kart, but it is only a reflection looking back from smudged glass. The movement is hazier, looser. There is little feedback when floating into a wide drift and off a rooftop like a plastic bag caught in a gust. When I am hit by a mad dog darting past me with the power of the espresso bean, my car comes to a dead halt for a few seconds. A cartoon spiral indicating my dazed state mocks me as drivers fly past me. The momentum starts and stops in fits. Sometimes I watch with tears in my eyes as a computer-controlled player crashes into a wall, and is unable to dislodge itself from that position for the rest of the race. There is cruelty in this amateurism.
Can one ever find true identity in imitation? If so, perhaps it can be found in Garfield Kart 2’s magnificently crafted tracks. Carved from the hands of artisans studying the time-honored traditions of Koopa Troopa Beach, here you will uncover tightly themed tracks lined with shortcuts. A joyride through an old Western town sends my kart to the rickety awnings of saloons as my opponents drift in the dirt like worker ants below. In this moment, I am closer to the heavens than they will ever know. I trick off of subtle ramps to cut over the tight corners of a Ghost Valley-inspired pirate course instead of drifting through them like an animal. I only wish there were more tracks to explore beyond the paltry 12 included here. I yearn to roam the pastures of Doc’s farm. To live the life of the fabled Pet Force in the cold heart of outer space.
With such a bounty of secret pathways to explore, I find myself hunting for the fastest route through these brutal mazes while evading the barrage of weaponry that threaten me on a straightway. My fear of impending death fades for a moment as I enjoy the exhilarating speed of a 150cc race. I consume four slices of lasagna in rapid succession and barrel forward like the cannonball, an achievement popup rewarding me for my thrill-seeking antics. It is a shallow delight, with few ways to test my skills in an anemic online ecosystem, but it is akin to the lime green bag of sour Skittles you swallow between hearty meals. You know that God would disapprove, but what is the harm in a sweet bite of trash?
I embody the lethargic mouser in these moments. I am attuned to the sinful nature that tempts him to kick the poor Odie off a table, to mail Nermal to the deserts of Abu Dhabi, to give in to gluttony at the sight of an Italian delicacy. Like the striped menace, it is in my own nature to submit to my worst instincts on occasion, enjoying the slobbish comfort of a low-budget licensed video game when I could be enlightening myself in the Silksong mines. Perhaps it is fate that it comes to us from Eden Games: Garfield Kart 2 is that forbidden apple from the garden, begging you to take a bite when you could be feasting on Mario Kart World’s delicate sushi instead.
Be like the cat on the table. Indulge in sin every once and a while.
Garfield Kart 2 – All You Can Drift is out now on Nintendo Switch, PlayStation 5, Windows PC, and Xbox Series X. The game was reviewed on Windows PC. You can find additional information about Polygon’s ethics policy here.
