Confidence: it’s critical to thriving personally and professionally. However, psychologists stress that confidence is not the same as arrogance.
“Arrogance is more than confidence,” shares Dr. Ernesto Lira de la Rosa, Ph.D., a psychologist and Hope for Depression Research Foundation media advisor. “It is a way of presenting yourself that signals you believe you are superior to others or that your perspective is the only one that matters.”
Noted, since most of us don’t want to appear rude or like we feel like we’re superior to someone else. However, oftentimes, people unintentionally use phrases that make them sound arrogant. While that doesn’t mean that those who use these phrases are cocky or haughty, it can.
Dr. Lira de la Rosa says superiority complexes can develop as a result of insecurity, cultural norms or learned habits. Yet, getting to the root of the issue is key to cultivating genuine respect and relationships. On the flipside, those same reasons can also influence whether someone hears arrogance in your words (even if you didn’t mean it).
“How others interpret our words depends on their own experiences and values, so a comment that sounds bold and self-assured in one culture may feel dismissive or condescending in another,” he explains.
Awareness is a solid first step. To help, psychologists share nine everyday phrases that can make you sound arrogant and how to nix them from your rotation.
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9 Phrases That Can Make You Sound Arrogant, Psychologists Warn
1. ‘Obviously…’
This phrase often exudes arrogance, albeit not so obviously to the person saying it. Regardless, psychologists warn that it’s jarring to anyone on the receiving end.
“Someone might use it to emphasize a point, but it can leave others feeling belittled,” Dr. Lira de la Rosa shares.
Dr. Deborah Vinall, Psy.D., LMFT, the Chief Psychological Officer with Recovered.org, agrees, adding that it can instantly turn people off.
“Whether as a response or a sentence starter, this single word distances others with a sense of disdain and condescension,” she points out.
Related: 10 Surprising Thoughts Psychologists Warn You Should Never, Ever Voice Out Loud, and Why
2. ‘I already knew that.’
Even if this is true in the moment, psychologists advise against saying the quiet part out loud.
“This sounds arrogant because it essentially shuts down any conversation and shows the other person that you consider yourself above learning,” explains Dr. Crystal Saidi, Psy.D., a licensed psychologist with Thriveworks. “People may use this phrase out of insecurity because admitting gaps in knowledge feels unsafe for them.”
3. ‘It’s common sense.’
Psychologists’ main point with this phrase is that it lacks empathy.
“What is obvious to one person may not be to another,” Dr. Lira de la Rosa says. “This phrase can unintentionally shame or alienate someone.”
Additionally, Dr. Saidi notes that people often use this phrase when discussing opinions, which can add a layer of arrogance and alienation.
“This comes across as dismissive and suggests that if someone doesn’t agree, they’re essentially unintelligent,” she notes. “People may use it to avoid discussion instead of listening and connecting.”
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4. ‘Not to brag, but…’
Dr. Vinall cuts right to the chase with this phrase.
“Yes, you’re bragging,” she states. “You know it, and they know it. Such bragging sends the message that everyone ought to know that you are superior.”
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5. ‘I wouldn’t expect you to understand.’
This phrase can make you sound arrogant and make it harder to establish a connection and receive help.
“It frames the other person as incapable, instead of trying to build understanding and connection,” Dr. Saidi says. “Arrogant people may use this to avoid having to explain things and keep their perceived superiority.”
6. ‘I don’t have time for this.’
“Dismissing someone else’s communication as unworthy of your time suggests your time is more valuable than others’ and that they are not worth engaging with,” Dr. Vinall reports.
Dr. Sally Homburger, Psy.D.—a licensed psychologist—echoes these sentiments, adding that this phrase not only makes you sound arrogant but is downright hurtful. However, she also holds empathy for people who use it.
“Usually, we say this one when we are feeling frustrated, hot or tense,” she explains. “It is a way of shutting down. Try to take a few deep breaths and approach this conversation later.”
Related: 22 Surprising Habits That Make You ‘Instantly Unlikable,’ Psychologists Warn
7. ‘I never have a problem with that.’
It can be so triggering to hear this for someone in the trenches.
“This phrase suggests the problem the other person is struggling with is due to their inferiority, signaling a sense of your own superiority,” Dr. Vinall reveals.
8. ‘I’m sorry you feel that way, but…’
Dr. Homburger shares that a simple, one-word tweak can actually make this phrase sound less arrogant.
“Try using ‘and’ instead of ‘but’ when possible,” she says. “A lot of phrases that sound arrogant often are due to the types of words we use or the way we communicate. Trying ‘and’ would at least allow someone to hear that their feelings are validated before you share yours.”
Related: 22 Surprising Phrases That Make You ‘Instantly Unlikable,’ Psychologists Warn
9. ‘No offense, but…’
Cue the hackles.
“It sets the stage for something insulting or condescending, and it actually can come off even worse than you initially intended,” Dr. Homburger shares.
This phrase has an evil cousin phrase that’s just as arrogant, called “No disrespect, but…”
“This disclaimer does not erase the disrespect that inevitably follows, nor the disdain that fuels the words,” Dr. Vinall states.
Related: 6 ‘Mirroring’ Phrases That Will Help You Instantly Connect With Others, According to Psychologists
5 Tips To Sound Less Arrogant
1. Know your audience
Before letting a potentially arrogant phrase fly, put yourself in the other person’s shoes.
“Perhaps this is someone who does not know much about finance, psychology or does not take an interest in the subjects, for example,” Dr. Homburger explains. “Is there a way you can rephrase the information to not make yourself sound superior?”
2. Ask before offering input
If you’re unsure what the other person needs from you, it’s okay to ask. Consider it a preventative measure against putting your foot in your mouth a minute later.
Dr. Vinall recommends asking a question such as, “‘Would you like my suggestions on this, or do you just want me to listen?”
Related: Listen Up! 20 Specific, Expert-Backed Ways To Be a Better Listener and Have More Meaningful Conversations
3. Become comfortable with the phrase ‘I don’t know.’
It really is the antidote to arrogance.
“This is one of the most confident things a person can admit,” Dr. Saidi notes. “Instead of pretending to know it all, try saying, ‘I’m not sure, but I’d love to learn.’ This really humanizes you and invites connection and collaboration.”
4. Rehearse what you want to say in your head
Dr. Homburger notes that arrogant phrases often come off as such when people have trouble with perspective or challenging themselves to evolve.
“Communication can always be improved, and sometimes it takes a perspective shift,” she shares.
As you rehearse what you want to say in your head, she suggests asking yourself, “How would I communicate this to the person I respect most in the world?”
This reflection will help you say what you need to say in a way that resonates with the other person and let the best version of you shine.
5. Ground yourself in self-worth rather than comparison
Comparison is the thief of joy and fuel to arrogance’s fire.
“When you truly feel secure, you don’t need to overcompensate externally,” Dr. Saidi explains. “Try to build confidence through growth, not dominance over others.”
She suggests journaling about what makes you proud of yourself or trying therapy to increase self-worth and confidence.
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Sources:
- Dr. Ernesto Lira de la Rosa, Ph.D., is a psychologist and Hope for Depression Research Foundation media advisor.
- Dr. Deborah Vinall, Psy.D., LMFT, is a Doctor of Psychology, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, a certified EMDR and Brainspotting practitioner and the Chief Psychological Officer with Recovered.org.
- Dr. Crystal Saidi, Psy.D., is a licensed psychologist with Thriveworks.
- Dr. Sally Homburger, Psy.D., is a licensed psychologist.
