Four ways to cope with pet loss, from the experts | Canada Voices

These days, it’s common to hear people referring to their pets as fur babies, or to themselves as pet parents. While some consider these buzzwords cheesy, experts say it speaks to a broader shift toward viewing companion animals as family – rather than property.

Naturally, the death of a cat, dog or bird who felt like family can have a tremendous effect on pet owners. Grief support experts say it’s important to have the right strategies to manage this unique form of bereavement. Here are four tips that can help.

Create keepsakes and new traditions

Whether it’s brushing fur, emptying litter boxes or driving to the vet, pet owners regularly practise simple acts of caregiving.

“It’s the little things, those absences, that people really end up noticing when they lose a companion animal,” said Sarah Bernardi, a veterinary social worker at the Ontario Veterinary College.

According to Bernardi, memorialization can offer comfort to people whose routines feel disrupted after a pet dies. “Planting a tree, having keepsakes and writing stories about them are ways to honour that memory,” she said. “It goes back to what feels right for you and your relationship with your animal.”

Consider professional support services

According to Bernardi, some people are reluctant to discuss pet loss with friends and family who may unintentionally dismiss or downplay the animal’s death.

“It can sort of fall under a disenfranchised grief, which is a grief that’s not always socially acknowledged or validated by those around us,” she said. “It’s kind of common to think, ‘Oh well, it’s just a dog. You can get another one.’”

For those looking to connect with people who understand the emotional depth of pet loss, Bernardi says that guidebooks and professionally facilitated chat rooms can help. In addition, organizations such as the Winnipeg Humane Society and British Columbia Bereavement Helpline offer grief counselling and community-based resources to people experiencing pet loss.

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Anisha Toor, a program manager at the BCBH, says that support groups are particularly useful for those experiencing loneliness after the death of a pet. According to Toor, these sessions provide a chance to discuss coping strategies in a non-judgmental space.

“You may be asked to share, or given the opportunity to speak, but you can always decline,” Toor said. “Many participants begin by simply listening, which can be just as valuable.”

Carefully explain pet loss to children

Hadley Dyer is an author from Halifax who wrote a picture book that explains pet loss to children. With illustrations by Paul Covello, Angus is Here walks readers through a child’s journey processing his dog’s death.

Dyer says that while each family member will experience grief differently, it is important to ease confusion for children by using direct terminology.

“Be very straightforward with your language,” she said. “Use words like death and dying, rather than no longer with us, passed away or gone to a better place. Clarity is everything.”

For example, avoid telling your little one that their cat’s body stopped working while explaining loss. “If you’re not careful, it might sound like you’re referring to the neck-down,” Dyer said.

Parents should also prepare to discuss pet loss more than once. Much like the protagonist in Angus is Here, kids may need time to understand that an animal is not coming back. “They may parrot back what you’ve explained to them, but with grief comes denial and wishful thinking,” Dyer said.

Make adjustments to your work day

Koryn Greenspan is a pet loss grief specialist who founded the Parted Paw, a Toronto-based company offering counselling services and workplace bereavement consulting.

Though Greenspan says that unacknowledged grief can lead to absenteeism, low morale and burnout in the workplace, many employees are unable to take leave when a pet dies.

“If you feel like you’re starting to flood in your emotions, go to a quiet space – a washroom, corner or boardroom,” Greenspan said. “Take three deep breaths and drink water. You’d be surprised at how helpful this can be.”

Since processing loss can be tiring, some folks may also require alone time while dealing with grief. “Don’t be afraid to say no to lunches or after-work drinks,” said Greenspan, who added that sending flowers or a thoughtful card can support employees experiencing pet loss.

“Being kind and having compassion is free and it takes maybe two minutes,” Greenspan said.