Sometimes, saying certain words or phrases becomes part of our daily routine, like brushing our teeth. Yet, unlike minty-fresh breath, some things people say in conversation can drive others away and even make you come across as “instantly unlikable.”
It sounds harsh, but rest assured, etiquette experts say it with the utmost grace.
“Modern etiquette is not about perfection—it is about awareness,” explains Reneille Velez, the founder of GIAN Events. “The way we speak reveals how we handle accountability, respect differing perspectives, and navigate moments of tension. In high-stakes environments, language directly affects trust.”
Velez says that a single phrase can steady a high-stakes situation or raise the temperature.
“Understanding how words land is essential to being perceived as credible, professional and socially intelligent,” she shares.
To help you come across like that, we asked four etiquette experts to share the things people say in conversation that make them instantly unlikable. They reveal the 13 words and phrases on their no-fly lists—plus, the simple phrase that automatically raises your likability factor.
Related: 10 Social Behaviors That Make You Seem Unapproachable, According to Etiquette Experts
13 Things People Say in Conversations That Make Them Instantly Unlikable, Etiquette Experts Warn
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1. ‘Bro.’
Velez says people overuse the word “bro” and wishes they wouldn’t.
“Using overly casual language like ‘bro’ in professional or elevated social settings often signals a lack of situational awareness,” she explains. “While intended to sound friendly, it can come across as dismissive or unserious. Etiquette is about matching the tone of the environment, not defaulting to familiarity that hasn’t been earned.”
2. ‘Whatever.’
“Whatever” is another one-word instant turn-off, primarily because it’s dismissive.
“Dismissive language closes conversation,” emphasizes Elaine Swann, an etiquette expert. “It often comes from frustration, but reads as disrespect.”
3. ‘No offense, but…’
“Slow your roll, because the offense is imminent,” urges Genevieve (Jenny) Dreizen, an etiquette expert, the COO and co-founder of Fresh Starts Registry and the author of Simple Scripts to Support Your People: What to Say When You Don’t Know What to Say.
She concedes that people often use this one to soften a blow, but it’s better not to pretend like you’re not about to say something upsetting.
“It actually signals that they’re aware they’re about to cross a line—and doing it anyway,” she notes.
4. ‘I just say what everyone else is thinking.’
It’s best to speak for yourself.
“Drawing others in to your attack doesn’t help, soften the blow or make whatever you’re about to say less rude,” Dreizen states. “Additionally, maybe consider why others aren’t expressing the point as you are—are they trying to be thoughtful and consider their impact, maybe?”
5. ‘You’re too sensitive.’
This one is almost guaranteed to make you sound instantly unlikable in any setting.
“This disregards someone’s experience rather than engaging with it,” Dreizen states. “It also evades your responsibility to consider the impact of the words spoken, putting intention over impact.”
Related: People Who Were Told They Were ‘Too Sensitive’ as Children Usually Develop These 14 Traits as Adults, Psychologists Say
6. ‘It’s not that big of a deal.’
“I once watched this phrase derail an entire leadership meeting in under 30 seconds,” reports Julie Schniers, a communication expert, leadership speaker and culture strategist.
Indeed, this one is an equally unlikable cousin of “you’re too sensitive.” In fact, she calls it “subtle but powerful.”
“This phrase minimizes someone else’s experience, even if the speaker is trying to help,” she explains. “The truth is, your idea of a big deal and mine are going to be different, and that’s OK.”
Related: People Who Struggle With Self-Awareness Often Display These 8 Behaviors, Psychologists Say
7. ‘That’s just how I am.’
Velez notes that this phrase is often used to excuse behavior rather than reflect on it. However, she emphasizes that good etiquette prioritizes self-awareness over self-defense.
“In collaborative environments, adaptability is critical,” she explains. “I’ve seen this phrase surface when someone is confronted about being abrupt or unresponsive. Instead of repairing the moment, it shuts down dialogue.”
8. ‘I already know that.’
Two thumbs down if you interrupt someone to say this unlikable phrase.
“Interrupting to assert knowledge rarely reads as confidence,” Velez reports. “More often, it signals insecurity and impatience. Polished communicators understand that allowing someone to finish speaking is a fundamental sign of respect.”
9. ‘I told you so.’
Swann highly recommends that you don’t use this one.
“This phrase prioritizes being right over being supportive,” she points out. “It often damages trust.”
10. ‘It’s not my fault.’
Velez highlights that accountability builds trust, but defensiveness destroys it. This phrase is 100% defensive.
“Deflecting responsibility when something falls short is one of the quickest ways to lose credibility,” she shares.
11. ‘That’s not my problem.’
Schniers declares that using this phrase is one of the “fastest ways to drain relational capital.”
“People use it when they’re overwhelmed or trying to protect their boundaries,” she explains. “The intent is often self-preservation, but the impact can often be disconnection.”
12. ‘Must be nice.‘
Schniers says people often say this one to sound funny or even to compliment someone, but it usually carries “quiet resentment.”
“It usually appears when someone feels stretched, overlooked or insecure,” she explains. “The reality of this phrase is that it communicates comparison and judgment. In both personal relationships and workplace culture, comparison language creates distance rather than connection. Even when meant as humor, it lands as a subtle dismissal.”
13. ‘I don’t have time for this.’
Even Schniers admits she struggles to delete this one from her rotation.
“As the queen of letting stress get to me, I have to really work on this one because it usually comes out during moments of stress, not cruelty,” she states. “I have caught myself saying this to my kids and immediately wished I could rewind… the vibes it communicates aren’t great.”
She reports that common recipients of this phrase include: children who want or need attention, partners who want to talk and coworkers with concerns.
“The speaker feels flooded,” she explains. “The listener feels dismissed.”
Related: Psychologists Say People Who Overshare Often Have These 7 Deeper Struggles
One Phrase That Makes You Instantly Likable
To make a stellar first impression, try using the phrase “That is fascinating—can you tell me more about that?”
“Curiosity, interest and warmth are the key to connection,” Dreizen says. “Showing real interest in another person is how you build friendship and community.”
Schniers is also a fan of the phrase, “Tell me more.”
“This works at home, at work and everywhere in between,” she explains. “As a coach, it’s a phrase I use often because more information, more understanding, more time to lean in and let someone else be truly heard is not just a gift, it’s a tool.”
Up Next:
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Sources:
- Genevieve (Jenny) Dreizen is an etiquette expert, the COO and co-founder of Fresh Starts Registry and the author of Simple Scripts to Support Your People: What to Say When You Don’t Know What to Say.
- Reneille Velez is a party planning expert, entrepreneur and the founder of GIAN Events, a “multi-market experience agency.”
- Julie Schniers is a communication expert, leadership speaker and culture strategist.
- Elaine Swann is an etiquette expert.
