Annika McFarlane/Getty Images
When I made a dating profile a few years back, I figured that my artsy photos and pithy prompts were top-tier material. That was until a $5,000 dating coach audited my profile for a story published in The Globe and pointed out that this wasn’t the case: I spoke too much about work instead of my values. I didn’t smile enough. My photos were too different from one another for potential matches to get a sense of what I actually looked like.
While my initial impulse was to get defensive, looking through the profile with fresh eyes made the feedback hard to ignore.
There’s an art to creating a great dating profile. You want to put your best foot forward while still painting an honest portrait of yourself and sparking compelling conversation.
Still, many of us fall victim to the same common tropes. A vacation shot that highlights the setting instead of what you look like. A photo holding a fish. Talking about pineapple on pizza. While a bad profile dramatically affects your chances on a dating app, we’re often less aware than we think of how we come across online.
While I’m (thankfully) out of the dating game, I recently spoke with several experts about common mistakes and potential red flags in dating profiles – and how to fix them. If your profile contains any of the following, it might be time for an update.
Fed up with online dating? Here are three strategies to meet people in person
A lack of effort
Including phrases such as “better in person” or “just ask me” are often meant to start conversations or cultivate an air of mystery. In reality, that text usually does more harm than good.
“To the person on the other side, it signals low effort, being unable to express themselves to others, or just not taking dating seriously,” said Annie Garmendia, a Vancouver-based matchmaker with the global matchmaking firm Cinqe. Garmendia, who has 16 years of matchmaking experience, says online dating is still a great tool for finding a partner. But each app needs to be used with intention.
“A great fix is to just tell a great story: a recent travel story or something funny that happened to you. And try to leave it off with a question, to give people something to respond to.”
Lying about age (or anything else)
When asked about dating-profile pet peeves, Garmendia had an immediate answer.
“When people set up their profile, they’ll put the wrong age, then clarify their actual age in the profile. It’ll read something like: ‘Says 45, but I’m actually 50. Ha ha. Not sure how that happened. I can’t change it.’”
According to the matchmaker, starting an interaction with a lie – even a relatively small one – makes people question everything else in your profile. “It puts you on the back foot. You’re already having to explain yourself before you get to the date.”
Unless you’re planning on wearing lifts for the rest of your life, be honest about your height. The same goes for everything else. If something is going to work out long-term, all of these things will eventually come to light anyway.
Negativity and focusing on what you don’t want in a partner
People want to date someone who feels like a positive addition to their life. It’s hard to prove you can fulfill that role when everything you mention is negative.
“You don’t want to complain about online dating,” said Terran Shea, a certified matchmaker and dating coach based in Toronto. You don’t want to complain about past experiences. You don’t want to overly emphasize what you’re not looking for in a partner. “It can come across as pretty jaded.”
It’s fine to have deal-breakers and non-negotiables. But if you can’t frame them positively – something like “exploring alcohol-free dating and loves a museum date” or “focused on fitness and looking for a workout buddy” – it’s best to leave them out entirely and filter potential matches based on their profiles instead.
In the age of online dating, is matchmaking making a comeback?
Overt use of AI
AI-generated photos – including filters or touch-ups – were an immediate red flag for every expert I spoke with. So much so that if a picture gave off the impression of being AI-generated, it was often an instant deal-breaker.
“I have had people reach out to me and say, ‘I want to share an AI-generated photo of me, but it really looks like me.’ I always tell them: no. You definitely don’t want to do that,” said Shea. “If the picture looks too good to be true, it probably is. It has to be a little bit imperfect.”
Experts were split on the use of AI to help with the text-based portion of your profile. Some suggested that feeding information into AI and then editing the output could be helpful for people who feel stuck. Others saw it as an obvious no go, suggesting that an imperfect response written by a real person will always be better than something from a robot.
A lack of hobbies
Highlighting your favourite hobbies in a dating profile is a great way for potential matches to determine if you have things in common, and to break the ice.
“Start with activity dates right away,” said Krystal Walter, a Calgary-based matchmaker specializing in luxury markets. She noted that early activity dates let potential couples know if they’re compatible outside of events that revolve around food or alcohol. Shared interests often lead to a strong connection.
