Etiquette Expert Warns Against This Common Housewarming Gift

Picture this: You’ve been invited to your first housewarming party and have no idea what to get your host. Do you even need to bring a gift? How much should you spend on it? Do you know this person well enough for something sentimental? Before you continue spiralling, don’t panic! According to the Co-President of The Emily Post Institute, Lizzie Post, you might not actually have to bring something as a guest.

“The point of the housewarming party actually is not about getting or giving gifts at all. They’re totally optional,” she tells Parade.

According to the etiquette expert, the point of a housewarming party isn’t so that the host can get free housewares.

“It’s about warming your house—whether it’s a new apartment or it’s the house you finally built—with the presence of people you know,” she explains. “It makes the house feel more familiar.”

Still, even though a housewarming party—per the Emily Post Institute—should really be gift-optional, you may not feel comfortable showing up empty-handed. Maybe you’ve been to a few recently for people in the same friend group, and it’s kind of expected at this point. Or maybe it just feels wrong to show up without something to thank the hosts for the invite. Whatever the reason, if that’s the case, there is one common housewarming gift you should avoid at all costs, according to Post.

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The Common Housewarming Gift an Etiquette Expert Warns Against

So, what is the common housewarming gift that you might want to think twice before bringing? Good ole alcohol.

On the surface, a good bottle of wine feels like the perfect housewarming gift. It’s easy to buy, budget-friendly and is just impersonal enough that you don’t have to worry about clashing with the homeowner’s tastes. But, according to Post, it’s actually a major no-no.

“It’s a bad idea to give alcohol as a housewarming gift because it’s a risky gift in general,” she says. “You don’t always know where someone’s at with alcohol in their life.”

Even if you know for sure that your host enjoys a glass of wine, gifting alcohol can still be a dicey endeavor.

“I have friends who, while I might know them to drink a bottle of wine out at a dinner or to serve one at their house, I don’t really know what flavors they like,” she explains. “I don’t speak the language of wine well, so I don’t know whether that bottle I’m grabbing from the grocery store or the corner store is really a good bottle or not.”

Alcohol isn’t the only housewarming gift you should avoid. Post also cautions against giving artwork, houseplants and pets. And that last one is non-negotiable.

“Pets are a responsibility. They are a living, breathing being, and they deserve that kind of respect and consideration when someone’s thinking about bringing one into their home,” she states.

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The Best Housewarming Gift Ideas, According to an Etiquette Expert

Believe it or not, there are endless possibilities when it comes to housewarming gift alternatives to wine or alcohol. Choosing the right one, however, depends on the setting. If, for example, you are invited to a housewarming party or group event, something that everyone can enjoy—an appetizer or “a classic plate of cookies”—is a perfectly respectable gift. Granted, baking cookies from scratch takes more time and effort than running to the grocery store, but Post assures Parade that buying cookies or ordering food for the get-together is also acceptable.

If you want to give your host a more personal gift, she says that “something for the home is always thoughtful.” She suggests “a nice cutting board that could be used also to serve on, or a little serving platter, or a small set of decorative bowls.” 

Post cautions against gifting plates and utensils, as these can be “a bit more personal to the person and their style,” but an accent plate or decorative candlesticks will do the trick.

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Finding it hard to come up with something? Try thinking of something that your host might not think to buy for themselves, but will likely use in the future.

“I had a friend—this wasn’t for a housewarming—but she had come to stay, and she gave me a little set of placemats and napkins. Delightful! I actually pull them out and use them,” she shares. “Items like that, entertaining wear, I think, is a really great category to look into. And the best part is there’s such a price range in it and such a great style range. You can really find something you feel good about gifting.”

If you’re gifting to a close friend or relative, she suggests trying something a bit more intimate, like a nice picture frame. If you don’t have a lot of time, then just the picture frame will do, but if you are able to put a bit more time and effort into your gift, consider printing out a photo of the two of you to go with it.

“It’s less common today because people just [think], ‘Oh, I’ve got the photos on my phone,’” she notes. “But I think in some ways that makes it a little more special to have it in a frame somewhere.”

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• Lizzie Post is the great-great-granddaughter of renowned etiquette expert Emily Post. She is co-president of the Emily Post Institute, co-host of the Awesome Etiquettepodcast, and co-author of Emily Post’s Etiquette—The Centennial Edition(which, she assures Parade, would also make a great housewarming gift).