We Asked: How Do You Run a Restaurant With Your Partner?

This excerpt was originally published in Pre Shift, our newsletter for the hospitality industry. Subscribe for more first-person accounts, advice, and interviews.

Running independent bars and restaurants takes a special kind of passion. This is the first in a three-part series, in partnership with Verizon Business, sharing how the people behind some of our favorite small businesses make it work. From February 9-22, join Verizon for Small Business Days to see how they’re sharing the love.

This week, we’ve covered how one restaurant couple overcame a tumultuous opening day and what it’s like to run a small business with your spouse—in your own home.

For the final installment of this series, we gathered expert tips for effective partnership (in life and business) from some of our favorite restaurants across the country. Read on for that advice.

You have to divvy up the work

“They say if two people in any partnership agree all the time then one person is not needed. Our advice would be to find strength in your differences.” —Tiffani Ortiz and Andy Doubrava, chefs at The Catbird Seat in Nashville

“[My husband] Ulysses is the one who creates the magic in the kitchen. I am the creative force behind our online presence and the guest experience that keeps people coming back. I don’t pretend to be an expert in cooking or menu decisions, and Ulysses doesn’t interfere with my vision for how we want Campo to be seen.” —Adriana Alvarez, co-founder of Campo é Carbón in La Puenta, California

Similarly: “[My husband] Michael and I have two kids and a lot competing for our attention both personally and professionally. We’ve found things work best when responsibilities are divided based on strengths. For example, Michael leads on design and creative vision for KNEAD’s restaurants, while I focus more on operations and execution. This structure and clarity helps avoid overlap and makes decision making efficient, while still allowing us to collaborate with each other at the end of the day.” —Jason Berry, co-founder of Knead Hospitality + Design in Washington, D.C.

“I think the more you can avoid looking over your partner‘s shoulder and trying to micromanage, the healthier your relationship will be.” —Sam Wood, co-owner of Adventure Time Bar in Denver

“Our biggest tip is to treat each other as equals. Sure, we each have our own strengths, but trusting each other makes everything flow smoother and happier than if one person starts bossing the other around.” —Dani Gaede and Rowan Jetté Knox, owners of Understory in Toronto

It sounds cliche, but communication really is key

“Some things may be hard to say or hard to hear, but a constant line of honest communication ensures everybody is on the same page and resentment doesn’t build. You can always work on things when you say them out loud, but keeping things to yourself, especially in a work environment, always manifests itself in unhealthy ways.” —Ham El-Waylly, executive chef at Strange Delight in New York City

“Humor can fix just about anything, so we use it to move past potential arguments. Also, we never talk about work in bed. Protecting our home as a safe space for life and not work is a good way to keep our core friendship and love alive.” —Sarah Welch, co-owner of Mink in Detroit

On the flip side: “One thing we’ve learned is that saying ‘Don’t talk about business during quality time’ isn’t always realistic. Our work is our life—it’s what we’re passionate about, what excites us, and a huge part of how we connect with each other. Trying to separate it completely can feel forced and, honestly, unnecessary. A tip we’d instead share is: Don’t treat each other like business partners; treat each other like partners who happen to run a business together. Use the deep knowledge you have of one another—the way your partner communicates, what stresses them out, how they receive feedback, what motivates them—to navigate business situations. When challenges come up, approach them with the same care, empathy, and respect you bring to your relationship. That perspective changes everything.” —Sofía Ostos and Fidel Caballero, owners of Corima and Vato

“Apologize when you were in the wrong. Disagreements and mistakes happen, but how you own up to them will define how you grow from them.” —Alex Jump, co-owner of The Peach Crease Club in Denver

“Don’t waste time or energy talking about [issues] that happen less than 3 percent of the time.” —Kasie Curiel, co-owner of Fonda Fina Hospitality in Denver

Finally, take some time away

“Book a staycation every month or two. Take yourselves out for a meal on your days off and treat yourself while also supporting the industry. We treat our ‘weekend’ like it is a vacation so that we can continue to get to know each other, even [after] 17 years [of being together].” —Claire Wadsworth and Nikki Hill, owners of La Copine in Flamingo Heights, California

“Before we started Nixta, I told [my husband and co-owner] Edgar that a nonnegotiable for me is a long vacation. I’m not talking about a long weekend; I’m talking about a month. So, every January, we go abroad somewhere and daydream for a while. Taking this time allows you to actually rest, think outside the four walls of your business, get reinspired, give the management team the opportunity to navigate their way without us ‘coming to the rescue,’ and to also show your team that there’s more to life than just work.”—Sara Mardanbigi, co-owner of Nixta Taqueria in Austin