These 7 ‘Bad’ Habits Actually Signal Strong Self-Awareness, Psychologist Says

It’s easy to see a “bad” habit and label it as, well, a “bad habit”—but a psychologist encourages us not to be so quick to judge. Apparently, some “bad,” “annoying” or “socially unacceptable” habits can actually signal positive qualities and values.

For example, overanalyzing experiences and overestimating your sense of control can be signs of high empathy. Correcting small things, overexplaining and pausing mid-conversation can signal that someone is intelligent. Speaking bluntly, being picky and saying “no” can suggest someone has a lot of emotional intelligence.

Some not-great-on-the-surface behaviors can also mean someone has high levels of self-awareness. Spoiler alert: Those habits don’t include acting impulsively, blaming others or engaging in black-and-white thinking, because those behaviors are often seen in people who struggle with self-awareness instead. That’s not a judgment, either—those individuals may not have had parents and grandparents who helped them be self-aware by validating their emotions and encouraging self-reflection.

But back to today’s topic. What “bad” habits might you notice in people with strong self-awareness? Why is it important to reframe what we often see as a “bad” habit? Where’s the line between a healthy amount of self-awareness and picking at yourself too much? Parade asked a psychologist to answer those questions.

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The Reframing Effect: How ‘Bad’ Habits Can Signal High Self-Awareness

You may think positive qualities produce positive habits and negative qualities produce negative habits. While that’s understandable, it’s not always the case. Having a “bad” habit doesn’t insinuate someone is “bad” in some way, and that goes for self-aware habits.

“Self-awareness doesn’t take a ‘one-size-fits-all’ approach,” says Dr. Meghan Marcum, PsyD, the chief psychologist of A Mission For Michael in San Juan Capistrano, CA. “It means being in tune with your own thoughts, emotions and actions, which can look very different from person to person.”

She encourages looking at the intention behind the habit. What’s the purpose? What might it stem from?

Related: 9 Subtle Signs of ‘Analysis Paralysis,’ According to a Harvard University Fellow

The 7 ‘Bad’ Habits That Are Actually Psychological Strengths and Signal Strong Self-Awareness

Dr. Marcum shares and explains the top seven “bad” habits that suggest someone is self-aware.

1. Overthinking

Do you tend to replay conversations in your head? That can be a sign of self-awareness, and it doesn’t mean you said the “wrong” thing.

“It can often reflect awareness of how your words and behavior affect other people,” Dr. Marcum says.

Related: Psychologist Says Overthinking at Night Is Closely Linked to These 9 Traits

2. Saying “no”

People don’t always respond well to boundaries and hearing the word “no,” but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have said it. It just means you know yourself.

“Being comfortable saying ‘no’ doesn’t mean you don’t care about other people,” Dr. Marcum shares. “It can signal that you have a clear understanding of your own limits, priorities and emotional capacity.”

In fact, she encourages people to be honest with themselves and say “no” rather than constantly engaging in people-pleasing.

3. Spending a lot of time alone

Being extroverted, having a lot of friends and constantly going to social gatherings is seen positively, and it can be a great thing. But it’s also fair, understandable and “good” to take time alone, especially if that’s what you want and need.

“Needing alone time isn’t a sign that someone is antisocial or disconnected,” Dr. Marcum states. “It can mean that you understand when you need to recharge and process your thoughts.”

She adds that when people are comfortable spending time alone, they have more opportunities to check in with themselves (without others’ input) and become even more self-aware.

Related: Color Psychologist Says These 7 Colors Are Worn Most by Introverted People

4. Changing your mind

People don’t always respond well when others change their minds, whether it’s about plans or opinions. And a changed mind can be a sign of self-awareness.

“Changing your mind is a sign of mental flexibility, and that you’re willing to reconsider your perspective when you get new information or have new experiences,” Dr. Marcum explains. “A key component of self-awareness is recognizing that your first reaction or opinion isn’t always the right one, rather than feeling like you have to defend it because you already said it.”

5. Refusing to fake emotions for other people’s comfort

Knowing how you don’t feel—and staying true to that—is another common habit practiced by people with strong self-awareness.

“Being unwilling to express emotions you’re not actually feeling is completely normal and can reflect a strong connection to your actual emotions,” Dr. Marcum notes.

This doesn’t mean you need to express every feeling in every situation, she clarifies, but that it’s okay to acknowledge how you really feel and what you need.

6. Asking a lot of questions

Many of us have been in that meeting where that one coworker asks a ton of questions. While it may seem like they can’t read the room, that may not be the case. Their behavior can reflect curiosity and a commitment to their needs.

“Self-awareness means that you’re willing to learn more about a situation before deciding how to fully think or feel,” Dr. Marcum says.

7. Taking time to respond

Someone responding slowly to a text or in-person question may feel awkward or frustrating. You might feel like they’ve disengaged. However, that’s not necessarily the case. The person might just be engaging in self-aware, reflective thinking.

“Pausing gives you a chance to understand what you’re feeling, choose your words and respond intentionally instead of impulsively,” Dr. Marcum explains.

Related: 6 Subtle Traits of People Who Catastrophize, According to Psychologists

Self-Reflection vs. Rumination: Where Psychologists Draw the Line

According to Dr. Marcum, the simplest distinction between self-reflection (which is helpful) and rumination (which is unhelpful) is this: Self-reflection moves you forward, whereas rumination keeps you in the same place with the same problem.

“Healthy self-reflection usually leads to some kind of insight and next steps on how to handle or approach a situation differently,” she explains. “Rumination is an unhealthy, destructive fixation on a negative experience, and often leaves you repeating the same cycle without producing anything new.”

For example, thinking about how your behavior made you feel is self-reflection, whereas shaming yourself for a decision you made, or excessively worrying that a friend is mad at you, signals rumination.

Dr. Marcum encourages people to view situations constructively by recognizing what happened, what they’re feeling and what steps could yield different results.

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How To Leverage These Habits Without Falling Into Overthinking

Want to be more self-aware, so you can better understand yourself and live authentically? That’s great. But how can you get into that zone without slipping into judgments, regret and other negative thinking patterns?

Dr. Marcum recommends the following: