Madison Lussier and Katharine Hoogewerf have been friends for about five years. Together they try new restaurants, go to the theatre, swap book recommendations and, most often, binge-watch the latest must-see Netflix series on Hoogewerf’s couch before settling in for a sleepover.
Theirs may sound like any ordinary friendship between two women, and for all intents and purposes it is, except for one small detail: Lussier is 28 and Hoogewerf is 69.
“ I remember being interested in getting to know her because of our differences in where we were at in life,” Lussier said over Zoom, seated next to her friend in Hoogewerf’s Vancouver home.
Television shows like Hacks (top), and Only Murders in the Building are putting a spotlight on intergenerational friendships.HBO; Patrick Harbron/The Associated Press
Intergenerational friendships seem to be more common these days – and perhaps even sought after. Award-winning television shows Hacks and Only Murders in the Building have portrayed the particular ins and outs of these relationships for millions of viewers, while social-media fads such as “grandmacore” suggest a particular fondness for what older generations have to offer. News stories about seniors home-sharing with students or young professionals to combat loneliness may indicate the feelings are reciprocal.
Zoë Francis, an associate professor of psychology at the University of Fraser Valley in British Columbia, conducted a study in 2023 about young adults’ attitudes toward intergenerational friendships. Being exposed to different kinds of people, even just through the media, often reduces stereotypes and prejudice, she said.
“If you’re a young person, but you really love some older adult who’s on TV, that parasocial media contact can change your beliefs,” Francis explained. “Straight-up media representation, where you see cross-generation friendships displayed, can also reduce your own biases and prejudices against that type of friendship.”
Research has demonstrated the clear benefits of cross-generational friendships – for all adult age groups. A 2020 systematic overview of studies on the subject, published in the journal Social Science & Medicine, showed evidence that older people who regularly interact with younger adults may experience physical, cognitive and psychosocial health benefits. Another 2020 study, published in Educational Gerontology, found that younger adults demonstrated decreased ageism and more positive attitudes toward aging when they had these kinds of relationships.
The Globe spoke with people across Canada about how they found their intergenerational friendships and what the relationships bring to their lives.
Madison Lussier and Katharine Hoogewerf trade books and music suggestions from their respective eras and share stories about their different life paths.Alana Paterson /The Globe and Mail
The perfect fit
Lussier and Hoogewerf’s friendship began at the gym with a few compliments on each other’s outfits. Then Hoogewerf asked Lussier to teach her the “bizarre” exercise the younger woman was doing, and later Lussier commented on Hoogewerf’s screensaver: It showed her late Yorkshire terrier, who just happened to be named Maddie.
Days later, they were leaving the gym at the same time and discovered they were neighbours.
The friends bonded over their love of fashion, food and popular culture.Alana Paterson /The Globe and Mail
“We became fast friends,” Hoogewerf said. “I have never really gone, ‘Oh my God, there’s this massive age difference and it’s really awkward.’ It’s just so easy.”
Hoogewerf had recently retired from a long career as a wardrobe stylist and designer in the entertainment industry; Lussier, who was in law school, remembers being amazed at her glamorous life. Hoogewerf, meanwhile, was impressed by Lussier’s determination and work ethic at such a young age.
The friends trade books and music suggestions from their respective eras and share stories about their different life paths. But their similarities – bubbliness, optimism and love of fashion, food and popular culture – are clear, as is their mutual adoration for one another.
“When I first moved to Vancouver, I constantly heard it was a tough city to make friends in, but after meeting Katharine, I’m not convinced,” Lussier said. “Our friendship has taught me that if you’re open to it, connection can bloom in unexpected ways.”
Ingredients for unlikely connections
Joshua Richardson, 50, and Bill Hawke, 80, found they had a common interest in politics, philosophy and religion, and now have a two-person book club.Supplied
Joshua Richardson, 50, and Bill Hawke, 80, both of Owen Sound, Ont., also met because of their openness to random connection. While their paths first crossed at a library when Richardson was a child and Hawke was a staff member, it wasn’t until decades later that friendship blossomed.
Hawke lived in an apartment above Ginger Press Bookshop and Coffee Bar, home to a large oval table where patrons often gather to have lunch and talk about the community.
“It’s a great location to live above a bookstore,” Hawke said over Zoom, sitting next to his much younger friend. “If you want company, if you want fellow readers, you just go downstairs.”
The two men got to talking about books one day, and eventually the owner suggested they start a two-person book club. That was about 12 years ago, and they’ve kept it going ever since.
“It took us a while to decide on a book, and most of our time is spent discussing what book we might read,” Richardson said, chuckling.
The friends theorize that a few factors are key for new friendships (or, as they say, “happy accidents”) to bloom: a public meeting place, coffee (pronounced by Hawke in an exaggerated Boston accent, where he’s originally from) or some equivalent to stimulate discussion, a recurring event to reinforce the connection and a willingness to share stories. (Hawke is a particularly willing and talented raconteur, Richardson said, with many stories of encounters with remarkable people, from Eleanor Roosevelt to John F. Kennedy.)
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From the friendship, Hawke gets an eager listener and an engaged conversation partner, as well as a helping hand when he needs it. Richardson gains an understanding of the world from before his time.
“I think there’s an element of uncertainty that people may not be comfortable with, but that can kind of be exciting,” Richardson said of befriending strangers, especially those from different walks of life. “Putting yourself out there can result in long-lasting friendships.”
Li Zhang, 39, Catherine Lee, 58, and Maybelline Palon, 48, first met as colleagues nearly 20 years ago, but became friends after leaving the job.Supplied
A no-judgment zone
The varied ages of Li Zhang, 39, Maybelline Palon, 48, and Catherine Lee, 58, are part of what makes their bond strong. They met while working for a Toronto city councillor – Lee was actually Zhang and Palon’s boss – but it was after they were no longer colleagues that they truly became friends.
They quickly began a tradition of rotating monthly dinners at each of their homes. That was roughly 20 years ago. And while the meals no longer happen monthly since Lee is often travelling, they remain as close as ever.
The women don’t shy away from telling each other hard truths or offering opposing opinions, if only to help their friends see things in a different light.
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“The three of us work well because we have this no-judgment zone,” Zhang said on Zoom alongside the others. “Each of us are in a different decade and we can share our opinions and thoughts and not feel embarrassed or ashamed.”
They help each other navigate their respective life phases, whether it be having a first child, going through relationship challenges or entering menopause.
“Menopause is one of those things that we don’t talk about in society,” Zhang said. “For me, it’s so nice to have older sisters to be like, ‘These are all normal things that you will one day go through.’”
Different yet compatible
Sarah Roth, 53, and Christine Ingemorsen, 70, met at a local community pool in 2020. Sarah says Christine is an inspiration to her when it comes to thriving mentally and physically while aging.Supplied
Sarah Roth, 53, has likewise benefitted from the womanly wisdom of her older friend, Christine Ingemorsen, 70. Roth said she’s been more prepared for the realities of menopause because of Ingemorsen’s guidance.
“Having somebody that’s been through it all has been really special,” she said.
Roth and Ingemorsen met at a Vancouver pool in 2020. It was the peak of the pandemic, and the two women shared their gratitude that the public facility was open. They quickly bonded over their love of being active and made plans to go on a bike ride.
They’ve been close ever since, though they’re living vastly different lives. Ingemorsen is retired, childless and travels the world; Roth is a busy CEO and mother who juggles the busyness of daily work and home life. But it’s these contrasts that feed their curiosity about one another and make their friendship that much more interesting.
Their mutual love for ice cream helps, too.
“I think I’m her older person that she looks to, and then I look at her and I see hope for the world that there are still solid, amazing people who are raising amazing kids,” Ingemorsen said over FaceTime. “Given the state of the world, it’s really refreshing.”
Part of what makes their friendship so special, according to both women, is their shared willingness to put in the effort, to make plans and stick to them – a quality they say isn’t easy to find nowadays. Plus, Roth adds, their age difference eliminates any of the unspoken competition that can sometimes be present in female friendships.
“It’s kind of human nature to compete,” Roth said. “But it just takes that element out of the equation because you’re just too different, so what’s the point of comparing?”
Mary Scarmato, 64, was a family friend and mentor to Julianna D’Urzo, 27, while she was growing up, but they now consider each other close friends.Julianna D’Urzo/Supplied
Keeping an open mind
When Julianna D’Urzo was growing up, her mother’s friend Mary Scarmato was an aunt-like figure in her life. Now, D’Urzo, 27, and Scarmato, 64, refer to each other as one of their respective best friends. They often cook or dine out together, or catch up over FaceTime.
“As a child, she had a natural, thought-provoking curiosity about her and I always admired her resilience,” Scarmato said over the phone from Toronto. “She grew into a young woman and she never lost that resilience or that natural curiosity.”
D’Urzo reminds her to keep an open mind, Scarmato added, and helps her stay on top of all the ways the world is changing. And she’s gained an understanding of the particular challenges Gen Z faces compared with previous generations, giving Scarmato a sense of respect for young people who have endless determination in the face of obstacles.
D’Urzo, meanwhile, looks up to Scarmato’s long and successful work life prior to retirement. She goes to her older friend for a fresh perspective, personal advice and professional guidance as she works to build her career.
“ I love talking to older people because they’ve already lived so many experiences and I know I can gain so much from them,” D’Urzo said. “ I would highly encourage younger people to be friends with older people because you can get an outside perspective that you wouldn’t get from someone your own age.”