But hey, at least still we had the snack time adversity of trying to stab open a Capri Sun.
Now, however, Capri Sun has announced that a 12-ounce twist-top bottled version of its signature juice pouch will be rolling into stores this month to “meet the needs of busy, on-the-go families allowing Capri Sun to grow with its fans,” according to a release.
Eater first reported on the potential of Capri Sun bottles back in August, when the social media food account Snackolater noted their presence at a beverage industry trade show. Now, the rumor has been confirmed by the brand, and I (and others) worry about what this new easy-open option could do to further risk the fortitude of the younger generation.
The mental and physical tenacity required to efficiently stab a metal pouch of Capri Sun with a tiny yellow straw has been one of the only ways I, as a parent, can truly prepare my kids for the realities of adult life. Lose the straw? Game over. Can’t hit that tiny little hole? Stab elsewhere, but you better have some serious upper body strength, and I can’t imagine how many ER visits have been triggered by missing the pouch altogether and hitting one’s upper thigh. If you do have the hand-eye coordination of a neurosurgeon and manage to make the delicate puncture, be careful not to grasp too hard, or expect a stream of sticky juice to spray out all over you, sacrificing both your clothes and most of your beverage.
Why would Capri Sun do this? According to a release, bottles “answer the call for parents seeking more juice and kids’ beverage options,” at bodega and convenience stores. I also wouldn’t be surprised if they’re aiming for a more grown up customer base — though if you’ve ever watched a pudgy-fisted three-year-old repeatedly slamming a poky straw into their fruit punch, you’d question if children were really the right target audience to begin with. And has the company not noticed that pouch-food has become a new craze, with everything from milk tea to tuna to saag paneer being dispensed via squeezesack?
Thankfully, the plan isn’t to replace the original pouches, but supplement them. And offering a variety of formats surely eliminates a barrier for those with accessibility and dexterity challenges. But while my job as a parent is to protect and nurture my children, I for one will continue to watch and smile as, lips parched, they mindlessly and angrily jab at a shiny and probably hot pouch of sugar juice to quench their thirst. It’s back to school season, after all.
