Marvel’s new MCU installment Captain America: Brave New World was beset by production delays and big, story-shifting reshoots. The end result is kind of a mess. That mess was compounded during a “5D” screening of the movie I saw on Thursday night, which turned the traditional theatergoing experience into an event where I was caked with mud and nasally assaulted with perfume that would make Tom Haverford weep. It also may have permanently ruined a Uniqlo hoodie I kind of liked.
Never heard of a 5D screening? The label is pure marketing. While 3D movies offer an immersive stereoscopic illusion of depth, and 4D(X) movies toss viewers around in sync with on-screen action, 5D amplifies the theater experience by adding falling leaves and confetti, strobing lights, and sprays of mud and water that require wearing face shields during viewings. (One does not need to understand five-dimensional superstring theory to experience 5D cinema.)
I can thank the people at Tide — yes, the laundry detergent people — for my promotional 5D “Collateral Stains Screening” of Captain America: Brave New World, which took place at an event venue (not a traditional movie theater) in Brooklyn. I was warned ahead of time that things would get messy, and that I should maybe wear something I was “OK with getting dirty.” I was promised restorative Tide Pods on my way out.
I was also given a Tide-branded face shield to prevent eye injury or blindness. Noting the multiple stain-launching cannons aimed at the audience, I was happy to wear it.
The extra-immersive Captain America: Brave New World screening started out tame. When Thaddeus “Thunderbolt” Ross (Harrison Ford) took the stage at an election event in the film’s opening moments, paper confetti rained down from the ceiling, matching the storm of paper on screen. Later, during a scene where falling cherry blossoms become important to the story, paper flowers would be dropped on us.
The first real assault came when Captain America touched down on the grounds of a church in Mexico, where terrorists were holding a group of hostages. As he landed, sprays of dirt pellets were shot at the audience. This isn’t so bad, I thought. My off-white hoodie and weatherproof Solotex pants can handle this, no problem.
Later, when Sam Wilson (Anthony Mackie), Joaquin Torres (Danny Ramirez), and Isaiah Bradley (Carl Lumbly) were traveling to the White House by limo, and someone commented on Bradley’s cologne, the room became thick with an eye-watering perfume. During a big action set piece in the Indian Ocean, the room was splashed with spritzes of water. Things got really bad during the third-act battle between Cap and Red Hulk, when attendees were viciously, repeatedly sprayed with what appeared to be mud (or wet potting soil).
I’m not gonna front: This was fun. I would even call this an improvement on the standard Captain America: Brave New World viewing experience. It was not unlike going to a Gwar show, where regardless of whether you appreciate the artistic merits of what’s in front of you, the camaraderie and novelty of being part of a consensually stained audience is enjoyable.
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My wife, who attended the screening with me in a disposable cardigan and black leggings, similarly enjoyed the experience, despite coming home with mud-caked hair. Other plusses: We both got comped prescreening hot dogs, and we got to refund our existing Captain America: Brave New World tickets purchased for an Alamo Drafthouse screening. That’s $40.98 back in my pocket.
However, I am now down one wearable-in-public Uniqlo hoodie. Try as it might, the juicy Tide Pod that bravely tried to clean my clothes of wet Miracle-Gro potting mix came up short — it could not save the hoodie, which is now speckled with forever-stains. (It is currently sitting in a six-hour soak of OxiClean, awaiting a second Tide Pod attempt.)
I knew I was probably likely to sacrifice some clothing going in. As did other attendees, clearly, many of whom wore all white (or all light colors) to make the 5D screening more memorable. I was thinking of a hoodie upgrade anyway, and this was the perfect excuse to say goodbye to the old one. Frankly, this Gallagher-esque 5D screening silliness should be more commonplace. I wish I’d seen Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania that way — Marvel Studios’ recent output of meandering, politically toothless stories at least have a little more punch when something tangible is hitting you in the face.
