Cirie Fields Reveals Why She Knew She Could Never Reach the End of 'Survivor 50' (Exclusive)

Survivor 50 is here! Every week, Parade‘s Mike Bloom will bring you interviews with the castaway most recently voted off the island.

As the epic cast of 24 players stood at the opening of Survivor 50, quite a number of tears were shed. But perhaps the most emotional, surprisingly, was the one among them who has the most experience: Cirie Fields. In her time between stints in Fiji, the reality TV legend has kept busy, winning The Traitors, making a deep run on Big Brother, and even appearing on an international Survivor season. But, as she put it on Day 1, “Survivor is like home for me. And there’s no place like home. What brings me back is knowing it could give me more and that it always gives me more every time I come.” And, indeed, what Cirie gave us over 23 days was perhaps her most impressive game to date.

Of course, given Cirie’s stature in the game, becoming the first person to play Survivor six times, it was only a matter of time until she would get targeted. And Jenna Lewis Dougherty would get that formality out early, warning everyone how threatening she was. It says a lot, however, that not only did nobody on her tribe heed her words, but they proceeded to then vote her out unanimously. Astoundingly, Cirie quickly found herself in the Cila center, well-connected with pretty much everyone. But her most meaningful relationship was, surprisingly, with Ozzy Lusth, whom she had blindsided nearly two decades ago. Now, however, the two were thick as thieves, eager to used their combined 200+ days of experience to finally accomplish what neither could do: Winning the game.

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By the time Cirie hit the merge, she had gained even more connections. Most prominently, years after meeting Rizo Velovic at a casting call, he got the part of one of her closest confidantes, as the two eagerly shared information. Indeed, at the Final 11, Cirie outlined that she either had an alliance or “understanding” with nearly everyone left in the game. No matter what their relationship, they felt some form of trust in her, eager to bring her in on any plan they had brewing. The bad news for Cirie: Most of those plans involved voting out Ozzy. Not wanting to lose him anytime soon, she would turn on the afterburners, swaying the votes to get the mullet man out of every hairy situation. Unfortunately, that also meant going after some of the people she was previously tight with, including Christian Hubicki and Stephenie LaGrossa Kendrick.

After feeling she had a grip on the endgame yet again, Cirie’s hands began to slip when the tribe was shockingly split in two on Day 21. With only four people vulnerable, she was suddenly in the line of fire, the intended target of a plan concocted by Emily Flippen and Rick Devens. But she was able to outscheme the schemers, saving herself with an expert play of an Extra Vote, the only advantage she’s ever used in her Survivor career. On the other side, however, Ozzy was a bit more stingy with his other advantage, getting taken out with an idol on his pocket (at least it wasn’t Cirie’s doing this time).

Related: ‘Survivor 50’ is Bringing Back Fan Favorite Prize Thanks to Sia — Here’s How to Vote

Now missing one of the only people who would take her to the end, the climb to Final Three suddenly became much more of an uphill battle. When Tiffany Ervin won a crucial Immunity Challenge at the Final Six, Rizo and Aubry Bracco both set their sights on the legend, knowing they stood no chance sitting next to her. Sensing her time was coming to an end, Cirie put in work that afternoon, and nearly convinced the majority that Aubry had leaked precious information to her. But, in the end, no amount of twisting could obscure the massive threat she was. Cirie was taken out in sixth place, yet again deprived of a win. But she went out how she came in: With some incredibly gracious words about the show that took a chance on her 20 years ago.

“Thank you Jeff, for some of the best years of my life,” she said, standing in front of the veteran host. “I am forever grateful for what Survivor has done for me. I don’t even have the words to express how grateful and thankful I am for finding out there’s so much more to life than what I knew from sitting on my couch and watching TV.”

Now out of the game, Cirie talks with Parade about what she felt her chances were of making it to the end in the final week of the game, the variety of relationships she had throughout the season, and what she thinks her legacy across 20 years of Survivor is.

Related: Read our Survivor 50 pre-game interview with Cirie Fields

So you had a clear sense your name was on the chopping block during your final day. And you put in work to try to sway the votes onto Aubry. By the time you got to Tribal Council, did you think you had any chance of staying?
No. I knew from conversations that they didn’t show with Joe. Joe, this is his moniker:We keep it real with each other. I said, “What are you thinking?” And Joe’s response to me was,
“Well, Cirie, you know, nobody’s going to sit next to you and win.” And I knew at that point that, yeah, there was nothing. When I didn’t pull a Hail Mary out, it was nothing. I was going to go.

Let’s say Tiffany doesn’t win immunity there and she goes out. Do you think you had a path to the end at all at Final Five?
No, I’m next. It was spelled out, no matter what. Because Tiffany, Ozzy and maybe even Christian would be the only people willing to sit next to me in the endgame. And once they were gone, I knew Jonathan definitely wouldn’t sit next to me. Joe pretty much told me he wouldn’t. And even Rizo, I knew Rizo wanted to win so badly. And Rizzo is schooled to the game; he’s a child of Survivor. So he knows that is no way me and him gonna sit in the end and he’s gonna walk away.

Well it wouldn’t be a season with you, Cirie, if you didn’t have an entire web of relationships that you were playing with. Let’s pull on a couple of threads. You told me before the season you wanted to try to connect with Ozzy early on in the hopes you could work together this time, and we saw how well that worked out for you both. Talk to me about working with someone who you blindsided with an idol in your pocket yourself 34 seasons ago.
It just speaks to how dynamic relationships can be, right? People mess up all the time. People may offend even in this game, being blindsided by me. But if you have the right conversation and communication and you are sincere. Ozzy knows me a little bit, right? He could tell that I was sincere in saying, “I will ride with you today.” And he knows my history. If I can trust you, if I feel I can trust you, I’ll ride with you to the wheels fall off. And I felt the same from him. So I thought it was awesome that we both have such a long history. We played together so many times on opposite sides and opposite teams, and we could come together and try to make a run in Season 50. I thought it was a beautiful day.

We got to see a bit of your reaction to finding out how his blindside went down. Talk to me more about that.
In the moment I couldn’t understand. Because I felt like it was going to be an easy vote if Ozzy just chilled out. And I even texted Ozzy last night like, “Dog, I’m sorry for saying that craziness. What are you doing?!” But that was my reaction in the moment. Now, in hindsight, I see what Ozzy was trying to do. And Ozzy did a lot for me in the game. He protected me through that first vote. He gave me his extra vote. So people mess up sometimes. But that doesn’t define who you are, and I love Ozzy.

Let’s talk about the third member of “Cirie’s Rizard of Oz” in Rizo. In the preseason you told me, “I never met a Rizo that was on the up-and-up.” Yet it was clear the two of you were close out there, with him even saying last night you were his “rock” out there. What was your dynamic like?
That’s who I am, Mike. If my gut tells me, and you have shown nothing but the fact that I can trust you over and over and over again until you don’t. I’m a “ride-or-dier.” I will ride with you till the wheels fall off. I kind of take people under [my way]. Rizo was younger than all three of my sons. And the fact that he was bringing me information, information is currency. He kept proving again and again that I could trust him.

So, like with my kids, my kids have messed up before. But does that mean I disown them and I don’t love them anymore? Nah, I’m not like that. And Rizzo thought, rightfully so, “I could never win against her, and maybe this is my shot to take it.” And he took it. He’s like a younger version of me. So there’s no hard feelings for me and Rizo.

We saw you working closely with Tiffany towards the end of your time in the game, and she’s the only person to not vote for you last night. What was that relationship, and how did it form?
I don’t know. It was just like instant chemistry. The second that Tiffany and I came together, it was like, “Oh my god, I love her.” And we were like two peas in the pot. I even heard through Rizo that Joe started saying, “Cirie and Tiffany are getting too close.” [Laughs.] And it was unintentional. IIt’s almost like being at work, and you have your people. You hang with them, you eat lunch with them, you look for them. You see them on break, you want to go talk to them. That’s what it was for me and Tiffany. I was just drawn to her and drawn to her energy, and it couldn’t be hidden.

You and Aubry had worked together closely in Game Changers, and both of you said in the preseason you were eager to work with the other. But we see the two of you gun for each other last night, albeit through loving voting confessionals. Were you working with her out there like you intended?
There was definitely a distance there. One, we were not on a tribe together for some time. And then when we did come together, I had already been so tightly woven with other alliances, I was never targeting her. Until last night, obviously, and that was just because it was a Hail Mary and me or her. But prior to that, I was never targeting Aubry.

Even the conversation that they show with Genevieve, they only showed that clip, but they didn’t show that there was a whole conversation. It looks like I sat down and said, “Aubry has an idol.” But to my knowledge, I thought everybody knew Aubry had an idol! So I didn’t feel like I was giving any easter eggs to Genevieve. I just had to give her something because she was talking to me. So it was a little distance. We weren’t closely aligned. But there was never an intention for me to target Aubry. I love Aubry.

What about Jonathan? We see in last week’s episode that he’s coming to you to talk through the plan on both sides of the beach. You say in this episode that you can “twist him around,” and he says you never lied to him. How did the two of you work together?
Believe it or not, I really kind of connected with Jonathan. We talked about things outside of the game about stuff at home that kind of brought us together. And even though I knew from the first tribe switch that Jonathan wanted me out, because, as we saw, he went to Dee and was like, “We gotta get Cirie,” we had a decent relationship. And like Jonathan said last night, it was actually correct. I had never lied to Jonathan, because there was no reason for me to lie to Jonathan up until that point when I was trying to throw the Hail Mary to save my skin. But yeah, me and Jonathan had a decent working relationship.

We’re talking about all of these connections you had, something you tout during a confessional at the Final 11. But then we see you have to make decisions to get rid of people you were working with, like Christian and Stephenie, to protect Ozzy. How did you deal with the fallout of those decisions, especially from someone like Stephenie, who you had a pre-existing relationship with?
Was there fallout? [Laughs.] I didn’t experience any. You know what’s so crazy? Somebody else online said, “How is Cirie doing this?! There’s no repercussions for her.” There was no fallout.

[Laughs.] This season, you finally got an advantage in your hands that you could use. And, for the first time in your Survivor career, you did, utilizing your Extra Vote to save you and force a 2-2-2 tie to boot Emily. Was there something that happened that sent up a red flag to play it? Or were you always going to use that Extra Vote?
Tiffany and I have spoken. They didn’t show it, but I told Jonathan too. There was not a question in my mind with Devens having an immunity idol. And Devens is a player. He’s a strong player. So if I’m Devens, I’m thinking, “Which way do I go?” And I felt like it was a 50/50 chance. So my gut said to me, “Devens is never going to give up his immunity idol for somebody else.” But if there was a minuscule chance of it, I didn’t want to go home with a piece of paper souvenir of an Extra Vote.

You said in no uncertain terms before this season that Survivor 50 would be the last time you would play. Has that changed at all based on what went down?
Oh no. I’m going to be 56 in July, Mike. And I started this when I was 35, a young whippersnapper on the “older ladies” tribe. They messed up. So no, I feel like I’ve gotten everything I need to get. I feel especially with my performance on Season 50, I feel like, what else? Listen, I’m not snubbing my nose at $2 million at all. However, Mike, I’ve gotten so much more than I bargained for in 20 years. I didn’t expect it to be next year after my first season. So to have a 20-year run and to be known as the best to have never won, all I hear is “the best,” and that’s good enough for me.

What was your reaction when Aubry said you were the greatest player of all time?
Oh my God. I mean, I’ve heard that time and time again. And you know what? If you hear something over and over and over and over and over again, eventually you start to believe it. And that’s what’s happening for me, and that’s why these 20 years are good enough for me now.

So since this is truly your last time, I want to look back on those 20 years. You say during the Colby Tribal Council, “I never thought I would pave the way for anybody.” And you told me before the season that Survivor 50 would be about proving to yourself the legacy that everyone else has assigned to you. So, now that your path has ended, what do you think is your legacy across six seasons and X days of Survivor?
I think it was necessary for me to be on Survivor and not be good at challenges and not be good at finding idols. I feel like I represent the average person that the average viewer that’s at home, and not really that secure in who they are and not really that confident. And 20 years of having all of my vulnerabilities on display and receiving the amount of love and support from perfect strangers around the world — not just around the country! I got DMs last night from people in China with screenshots saying, “We’re devastated. China loves you, Cirie!”

I didn’t start this for that. I started as a fan who wanted to try something, try a game that I loved watching. And it culminated into 20 years of life experiences, friends that are now family members. I feel like I just paved the way for the average person at home that isn’t that sure of themselves to say, “You know what?” If Cirie could go out there and do it and almost drown and didn’t do this well in a challenge and couldn’t make it across a balance beam and do it time and time and time and time again and still have the performance that she’s had in Season 50, maybe I’ll give it a try.”

And it’s clear that, despite Season 50 being your sixth time out, it was still incredibly meaningful to you. You spoke from the very beginning until the very end about how grateful you are for the experiences you’ve received. As much as you have given the show, it’s clear the show has given a monumental amount to you as well.
I said it to Jeff at the end. I’ve gotten so much out of this show. I’ve got so much confidence. I do feel invincible. Because when I started in 2005, I was afraid of everything. I wasn’t afraid of leaves, to be clear! But I was afraid. What it taught me is that I am my own worst critic and worst enemy when it comes to fear. And every time that I went on the show, and I was like, “Oh, God, what if it’s this challenge?” And it always turns out better than I expected. And that’s what I need people to take away. Don’t let fear rule your life or keep you on the couch. You can conquer that fear. All you have to do is take that first step towards it, and I promise you you’ll conquer it. Because that’s what happened for me.

Related: Ozzy Lusth Reveals the Real Reason He Didn’t Play His Idol on ‘Survivor 50’ (Exclusive)