Despite positive shifts, the common belief that dads can’t provide the same standard of child care as moms persists.Jay Yuno/Getty Images
As a millennial mom on the internet, I thought I knew every parenting term there is, until a stay-at-home dad recently told me: “One of the worst parts of my day is all of the momsplaining I get.”
As a social media influencer, Matt Beauchamp shares photos of his daily life with kids, such as outings to the beach – and his mom followers often assume he’s out of his depth. “They immediately start sending me links to sunscreen,” said the Calgary-based dad. “Oh wow! I should put sunscreen on my kid? I had no idea. Thanks for the great tip.”
I should have laughed, but I felt too guilty with the realization: I’m a momsplainer, and I momsplain to my husband all the time. I always have notes for how he handles tantrums with our toddler, and I usually throw my input across the living room while he stands firm on bedtime with our five-year-old. I never fail to ask him if he has water bottles and hats when he’s going outside with the girls, and of course, he already does, every time.
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While, as a working mother in 2025, I have my bones to pick – from the unfair division of “invisible work” to the “motherhood penalty” – I certainly don’t know what that’s like, to have your partner assume you’re a newbie, five years in to our parenting journey.
Despite the momsplaining he contends with, Beauchamp says fathers are stepping up in far more important ways than just remembering the sunscreen.
“There’s a whole generation of millennial men who don’t want to raise kids the way we were raised,” he said. “That’s not to say we are perfect and don’t make mistakes, but men are out here doing the emotional work, and putting down solid building blocks for the next generation.”
I see these efforts in my own husband, as well as dads all around me – at the playground, at restaurants, at camp pick-up. Dads are making a real effort to be present and emotionally engaged. And yet, the common belief that dads can’t provide the same standard of child care as moms persists. “Are you new here?” is a common refrain in my group chats when moms complain about how their partners didn’t get it exactly right.
At the same time, dads are often overlooked in conversations about modern parenting. A common theme in the comments section of my columns on parenting stressors – from summer planning anxiety to the role of alcohol in finding community – is “What about the dads?”
“Seriously, it’s 2025. Mothers aren’t the only parents who are the primary caregivers,” read feedback from one reader.
It’s a fair point. While research shows that women still spend more time on child care than men, it also suggests that men are involved. According to Statistics Canada, in 2022, mothers spent an average of 7.5 hours a day caring for their children while fathers spent 4.9 hours. At the same time, about 55 per cent of parents in different-gender couples said they share at least half of child care tasks equally.
Eric Dunn, a stay-at-home dad in Montreal, says even though more fathers are the “active duty parent” these days, the cultural narrative hasn’t caught up to this reality.
Dunn, who dreamt of being a dad from a young age, often receives praise for doing ordinary things, such as getting his kids ready and out the door. But he wishes that would end: “It’s like society is saying there’s an exclusive club, where women are doing these things – and then congratulating me for breaking through,” he said. “But getting a kid dressed and fed, these are pretty basic things all parents should do.”
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On the flip side, some hesitate to celebrate dads too much. When the idea of baby showers for fathers recently made the rounds on social media, many commenters dismissed the concept as unnecessary and cringe. But why? If we expect men to show up as equal parents, why wouldn’t we acknowledge their entrance into that life-changing role with the same joy and support?
Interestingly, a health agency in Canada is trying to fill the gap of support for new dads. This fall, Ottawa Public Health will team up with McMaster University to offer free therapy sessions for fathers experiencing perinatal depression and anxiety.
Despite these positive shifts, there’s still a disconnect between how fatherhood is experienced and how it’s perceived in the modern day.
But I’m doing my part to give my overdue acknowledgement of the effort, aside from the one weekend a year when we officially appreciate dads.
Recently, I went out three nights in one week – maybe for the first time ever – and I stifled the urge to remind my husband 42 times about the need for snacks.
I also didn’t thank him for being an extraordinary partner, because he was doing his fair, equal share. The kids were bathed, fed and had painted their dad’s nails with questionable success. There had been a life lesson involving Elsa and Luke Skywalker, and everyone was laughing. No notes.