As the saying goes, saying goodbye is never easy. Whether you’re trying to wrap up a conversation at a party, make a graceful exit from a professional gathering or find the right moment to leave a social event, knowing when and how to end an interaction can be surprisingly tricky. You may want to leave without seeming rude, abrupt or uninterested, but finding that balance isn’t always as simple as saying, “It was nice seeing you.” In fact, because of that confusion, etiquette experts say most people end conversations the wrong way.
The truth is, different situations call for different ways of exiting. What works when you’re chatting with friends may not be the best approach in a professional setting, and the way you leave a larger gathering can feel very different from ending a one-on-one conversation. With so many unspoken rules around saying goodbye, it’s easy to second-guess yourself, or simply not know what to say.
To help you feel more confident when it’s time to make your way home, we reached out to two etiquette experts for their advice. They share what people often get wrong when ending conversations and offer guidance on how to navigate these moments with more ease, confidence and courtesy.
Related: This Phrase Is How ‘High-Class’ People Say Goodbye, Psychologist Explains
The Exit Blunder: What Most People Get Wrong When Saying Goodbye
There are many ways to exit a conversation or situation. However, sometimes people get overwhelmed when they want to head out and think they need an over-the-top reason not to stick around a party or work event as long as others. In these cases, they tend to make up a situation that doesn’t actually exist because they feel like they need to explain why they are leaving.
“The fake excuse is a popular way people say goodbye when you make up a reason to leave,” Nick Leighton, an Emmy Award-winning journalist and co-host of the etiquette and manners podcast “Were You Raised By Wolves?,” tells Parade. “The problem is that it’s usually completely unnecessary and it can so easily backfire, and you’ll be caught. Now the last thing someone remembers about you is that you lied.”
Bridget Batson—the CEO of Houston Outplacement LLC and a Certified Corporate Etiquette Consultant—agrees.
“The fake excuse trap is a massive blunder because it builds a boundary out of dishonesty rather than poise,” she adds. “If you claim you have to run to the restroom and the person sees you grabbing a coffee two minutes later, you instantly damage your credibility. Genuine etiquette focuses entirely on respect and authenticity. A fake excuse signals that the other person was not worth a clean, honest transition.”
The Science of the ‘Last Impression’: Why the End Matters More Than the Beginning
“Everyone talks about how important first impressions are, but last impressions are important, too!” explains Leighton. “A first impression will be overwritten by everything that follows after it. But a last impression is it. Nothing comes afterwards, so it’s indeed what people will remember about you.”
Batson says no matter how amazing your conversation is going, how you end it means everything; it’s really what people will remember and leave thinking about.
“A first impression opens the door, but a last impression determines whether that door stays open,” she points out. “In psychology, the peak-end rule shows that people remember the climax and the very end of an interaction most vividly. You can have a brilliant 10-minute conversation, but if you end it awkwardly, abruptly or while looking over someone’s shoulder, that awkward exit becomes the final emotional stamp on your entire interaction.”
Related: What Is the Meaning of an ‘Irish Exit’? Plus, Why It’s Actually Not as Rude as You Might Think
The 3-Step Formula To End Any Conversation Gracefully
Thanks to our experts, you don’t have to stress about what you should and shouldn’t say. Here are three steps they swear work every single time.
1. Plant an exit seed
“It’s OK to leave, you aren’t obligated to stay forever,” Leighton points out. “The first thing is to plant the seed that you’re wrapping things up by saying something like, ‘Well, I’m so glad I got to catch up with you,’ which gets things moving.”
2. Prove you were listening
Next, our experts say you want to acknowledge the other person’s value and show you were paying attention to what they were saying. By doing so, you don’t give off a bad vibe.
“You can throw in a little gratitude and name something specific from the conversation to show you were actually listening,” Leighton suggests.
Batson says an example would be saying something like, “I loved hearing how your team is approaching AI this quarter.”
3. Sign-off and wrap up
Finally, you want to have a warm sign-off with someone.
“Lastly, wrap it up with a clear exit line,” Leighton advises.
So, how can you do that? It’s easier than you think. Batson reveals one example: “Close your conversation clearly by saying, ‘It was a pleasure meeting you. Let’s connect on LinkedIn later this week!'”
Related: Psychologist Says if You Rehearse Conversations in Your Head Before They Happen, You Likely Have These 8 Traits
How To Escape a ‘Conversation Hijacker’ Without Being Rude
“When someone won’t let you get a word in edgewise, wait for a breath,” Leighton notes. “Everyone’s gotta breathe eventually, right? And then use their name to get their attention and then politely let them know that you’ve got to make your exit.”
Batson says you can also use what she calls the interrupt-and-validate method.
“In this case, you can say something like, ‘John, I hate to interrupt because your passion for this project is contagious, but I want to step away before I cut you off mid-thought! I have to catch my next session, but please send me the link to that report you mentioned,'” she suggests.
Related: Psychologist Says if You Hate Silence in Conversations, You Likely Have These 7 Traits
A Script Guide for Modern Social and Professional Environments
|
Environment |
The Wrong Way |
The Expert-Approved Script |
|---|---|---|
|
At a professional event |
Don’t give a vague goodbye that suggests you’re leaving but doesn’t clearly close the conversation or provide a natural transition out. Also, don’t look over their shoulder and around the room for someone “more important” to talk to, then abruptly cut them off mid-sentence. Don’t say: “Well, I guess I should probably get going. Anyway, it was nice meeting you.” |
Having business cards is a great prop to send the signal that you’re heading out. You can use them when saying bye, like: “It was so great learning about your new venture, Sarah. I want to make sure we both get a chance to mingle around the room tonight. Do you have a card? I’d love to follow up with you next week.” |
|
On a first date |
Don’t lie and make promises you don’t intend to keep. If you aren’t planning on texting someone, don’t leave by saying, “I’ll text you.” |
If you are interested, then make that known before you depart! Say, “I had a great time. We should do this again!” |
|
At work |
You don’t want to slip out silently. Don’t leave by not saying anything at all and just heading out. |
Just a brief recap of the day can do the trick. Say, “I’m heading out. The presentation draft is done and in your inbox… We’ll pick it up first thing tomorrow. Have a good night!” |
|
Casual party or get-together |
Don’t make up an excuse or don’t say you’re leaving, but then stick around for another hour. “I just remembered I need to pick up something for my wife before the store closes. Thanks for having me.” |
The best thing to do is to find the host, thank them for something specific and say goodbye. Say, “Thanks so much for inviting me, I had a great time. I’m going to head out, but it was so good to see you!” |
|
Running into people randomly |
No need to make up excuses or pretend to get a call. “Sorry, I have to go. My husband is calling.” |
Be honest, polite and just remember that it’ll be over in only a few seconds. Say, “So fun to run into you! I’m in the middle of errands, but I’m so glad I got to say hello.” |
Up Next:
Related: Psychologists Say People Who Leave Without Saying Goodbye Usually Have These 7 ‘Misunderstood’ Personality Traits
Sources:
- Nick Leighton is an Emmy Award-winning journalist and co-host of the etiquette and manners podcast “Were You Raised By Wolves?“
- Bridget Batson is the CEO of Houston Outplacement LLC and a Certified Corporate Etiquette Consultant.
