Etiquette Experts Say These 8 Nonverbal Habits Make You Seem Rude Without Realizing It

Growing up, the teachers, parents and grandparents in your life may have stressed the importance of saying “please” and “thank you.” That lesson in polite manners was a worthy one. Yet, etiquette is about so much more than what you say or consciously do. In fact, you can come off as warm or rude without making a peep.

“When we are out and about, we are constantly sending messages about ourselves, even when we are not having a conversation,” statesKristi Spencer, the owner of The Polite Company.

We send these messages through what etiquette experts call “nonverbal cues.”

“Nonverbal cues are unconscious gestures we use to communicate with others,” says Nikki Sawhney, an etiquette consultant and the director of the New England School of Protocol. “You could be saying the kindest and most thoughtful things, but if your nonverbal cues are off, they can send a completely different message.”

It appears that another childhood lesson (actions speak louder than words) was also on point. One message that nonverbal habits can send is that—bluntly—you’re rude (even if that is 100% not your intent). Awareness is key to ensuring that your whole body and behavior align with what’s coming out of your mouth.

“When we become more aware of our own actions, we can better understand how we are impacting the people around us,” Spencer explains.

To help you get your point across, etiquette experts share eight nonverbal habits that make you seem rude without realizing it. Plus, how to break those nonverbal behaviors.

Related: These 11 Habits Will Make People Dislike You Fast, Etiquette Experts Warn

8 Nonverbal Habits That Make You Seem Rude Without Realizing It, Etiquette Experts Say

1. Avoiding eye contact

This nonverbal habit not only comes off as rude but can undermine your credibility.

“You may be the most knowledgeable and experienced person in the room, but looking away makes you seem uninterested, disengaged and even disrespectful,” Sawhney states. “I’ve seen meetings where brilliant ideas were overlooked simply because the speaker wouldn’t look up. Eye contact signals sincerity and engagement, and without it, your words can feel hollow.”

Related: Etiquette Experts Say These 12 Common Habits Make You Look Rude (Without Realizing It)

2. Folded arms

We all do it unconsciously, but Sawhney warns that the gesture can give off a disengaged, defensive vibe.

“I remember sitting in a freezing conference room, folding my arms for warmth, not realizing that my posture came across as closed and dismissive,” she says. “Even small adjustments in posture can dramatically shape how others perceive you.”

3. Phubbing

Constantly checking your phone or getting sucked into your device during a conversation (AKA phone snubbing—phubbing) has become second nature in our screen-driven world. Yet, an etiquette expert says this habit can make you seem rude without realizing it.

“Imagine you’re trying to talk to someone, and they’re making eye contact with their screen instead of you—not ideal,” says Genevieve (Jenny) Dreizen, an etiquette expert, the COO and co-founder of Fresh Starts Registry and the author of Simple Scripts to Support Your People: What to Say When You Don’t Know What to Say.

If you need to check for or respond to something important, she suggests saying, “I am just waiting on this important email, so I am going to check my phone and then leave it on the table, but my focus is 100% on you!”

4. Being late with no heads-up, apology or explanation

To start: tardiness isn’t automatically rude.

“Lateness is tricky,” Dreizen shares. “Public transportation, time blindness, unexpected delays… [can] make someone late even with the best attempts at being on time.”

Her beef isn’t with being late, but more so with how it’s handled.

“It’s lateness with no recognition that you’ve let someone wait for you,” she states. “Giving people a heads up if you can is always a good idea. If you cannot provide that, let them know you appreciate their patience afterwards.”

Related: 12 Habits That Give Off a Bad Vibe Without You Even Realizing It, According to Psychologists

5. Letting your face run away with itself

Eye rolls, smirks, arched brows and a side-eye can make you seem rude, even if you don’t realize you’re doing it.

“You might not even realize what you think is a private reaction is actually broad on display,” Dreizen notes. “Those micro-expressions can make people feel judged, scolded or mocked.”

6. Personal space invasion

A healthy distance can help you maintain close ties with professional contacts and prevent strangers from feeling closed in around you.

“While everyone has different boundaries, about 18 inches is a good general guideline for personal space,” Spencer says. “Standing too close in line or touching someone unexpectedly is not only impolite, but it can also make people feel threatened.”

Related: An Etiquette Expert Is Begging People To Stop This ‘Rude’ Habit During Small Talk

7. Yawning

It can happen, especially after a poor night of sleep, but try not to make mid-conversation yawning a habit.

“When someone yawns during a conversation, it is hard not to notice,” Spencer warns. “A yawn translates to ‘I’m either tired or bored’ and definitely not engaged in the conversation.”

If it has to happen?

“When you feel the urge, you can try taking a deep breath or sipping cold water to help suppress it,” she suggests. “If you just can’t stop yourself, cover your mouth and then make a quick apology.”

8. Pointing at people

Mind your fingers.

“Pointing can come across as aggressive or judgmental,” Spencer explains. “Many people have a natural aversion to being pointed at and may take it personally.”

Related: 13 Things People Say in Conversations That Make Them Instantly Unlikable, Etiquette Experts Warn

3 Tips for Breaking Rude Nonverbal Habits

1. Gain self-awareness

Dreizen states that many rude habits stem from a lack of self-awareness.

“A little self-awareness of how you are impacting others goes a long way,” she says. “When we start to consider our impact on others, it’s a good reminder to be mindful of our faces, timing and taking a breath before we speak.”

2. Recognition

You’re going to make mistakes. So that and own it.

“None of us acts perfectly all of the time, so learning to say, ‘I think I forgot to say thank you, so THANK YOU,’ is important,” Dreizen shares. “It is OK to be wrong. It is human to be wrong. But we can try and do better by recognizing and acknowledging our lack of thank you, our lateness, our smirk or whatever it may be.”

3. Watch yourself

Sometimes, seeing is believing.

“One helpful exercise is to record yourself giving a short talk,” Sawhney suggests. “Watch the video on mute first, focusing only on your body language. Are your eyes wandering? What do your posture and hand gestures say? What kind of message are they sending?”

Now, unmute and play it again.

“… Notice if your gestures match your words, or are they misaligned,” she says. “This simple practice can build awareness and make change possible.”

Up Next:

Related: 10 Social Behaviors That Make You Seem Unapproachable, According to Etiquette Experts

Sources:

• Nikki Sawhney is an etiquette consultant and the director of the New England School of Protocol
• Kristi Spencer is the owner of The Polite Company
• Genevieve (Jenny) Dreizen is the COO and co-founder of Fresh Starts Registry, an etiquette expert and the author of Simple Scripts to Support Your People: What to Say When You Don’t Know What to Say.