Expressing Empathy Truly Resolves Guest Complaints (Saying ‘I’m So Sorry’ is Just Annoying)

Over many years of creating and delivering hospitality training, I have encountered various acronyms ranging from H.E.A.T. to L.E.A.R.N. that are intended to summarize the steps in resolving complaints, which is known more recently as “service recovery.”

Typically, the “E” stands for showing “empathy” and is clearly placed before the “A,” which represents “apologize.” In KTN’s current front desk Heart of Hospitality Certification training, we use E.A.R.S, which encourages participants to first listen with intention, then to empathize, apologize, resolve, and check back later to ensure satisfaction.

Unfortunately, for whatever reason, experience shows that most frontline staff tend to default back to simply apologizing. This is true even during the role plays that we hold immediately after the training, as required for our certification. Despite the fact that we even make participants repeat the steps like a mantra, many still simply say “I’m sorry” during the role play, apparently just not getting the importance of the prior step.

Worse yet, even when our trainers call out participants for apologizing before empathizing and ask them to re-try, they then say “I’m SO sorry that happened,” apparently thinking that the use of “so” as a qualifier conveys a caring vibe.

Perhaps it just speaks to how difficult it is for people to change habits that have been ingrained, thus pointing to the need for managers to proactively coach and mentor their staff on the nuances of service excellence such as this.

Unfortunately, a simple apology not only falls flat, but may even trigger a harsher, stronger, emotional reaction, often causing guests to then ask for compensation.

Alternatively, a statement of empathy, delivered authentically, defuses emotional distress just like cutting a burning fuse off a time bomb in a cartoon. Oftentimes, guests then say, “Well, I know it’s not your fault, and you are being nice…”

How can leaders get frontline associates to properly show empathy versus simply apologizing? First, make sure they truly understand the “why” part. By showing that we understand and can relate to their situation or circumstance, we are allowing the guest to feel a sense of validation. A sense of having been heard. That we, too, can imagine how frustrating it can be on a humanistic level. Allowing others to achieve a sense of validation is key to resolving conflict in virtually any context, including conflict with our loved ones.

Remind your team that when we express empathy and understanding, we are not accepting fault or blame but showing that our intentions were good. Sure, put it on a poster or slide presentation, talk about it in training meetings and pre-shift line-ups, but the most important part is to mentor and coach them by reinforcing when it is done well, and providing corrective coaching when they forget and default back to old habits.

Originally published in Costar News

Doug Kennedy is President of the Kennedy Training Network, Inc. a leading provider of hotel sales, guest service, reservations, and front desk training programs and telephone mystery shopping services for the lodging and hospitality industry. Doug continues to be a fixture on the industry’s conference circuit for hotel companies, brands and associations, as he has been for decades. Since 1996, Doug’s monthly training articles have been published worldwide, making him one of the most widely read hospitality industry authorities. Check out his monthly webcasts at www.KTNwebcast.com or visit www.kennedytrainingnetwork.com.