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Ask a Therapist is a new series of columns offering insights and advice about common psychological concerns. It is not a substitute for seeking professional psychological or medical care.
For years, I have stuck to a consistent cardiovascular exercise routine. This is beneficial for my physical health and is also a primary way I manage stress and chronic fatigue.
However, I was far less consistent with weight-resistance exercises despite their importance. It wasn’t until I started feeling more physically unstable, my balance shaky, that I began a regular dumbbell routine. Was it willpower that enabled me to build this habit? No. It was my value of physical agency. I value feeling capable within the limitations of living with mild cerebral palsy – and connecting that value to my dumbbell workout turned these exercises from a “should” to a meaningful endeavour.
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Research in psychology has long supported the idea that habits formed by personal values are more durable than ones formed by guilt or an attempt at self-control. Willpower is a finite resource that burns out.
If you’re trying to build healthy habits this spring, understanding the limits of willpower and “I should” ways of thinking – and how to let your values lead the way instead – can help.
The limitations of willpower
Willpower is often talked about when trying to stop certain behaviours (e.g., smoking) or start new ones (e.g., exercising). It can temporarily support behaviour change, yet it is not a reliable long-term solution on its own.
Research suggests that willpower is not simply mental toughness, but the balance of different brain areas: the prefrontal cortex and the subcortical regions. The prefrontal cortex allows us to think about the long-term impact of behaviour and shift our attention, while the subcortical regions process emotions and drive behaviour based on reward.
When we are unsuccessful at regulating our behaviour, it’s not because we lack discipline, but because the balance between these areas is off. This can happen when a strong environmental cue (e.g. the smell of freshly baked cookies) causes the reward system of the brain to override other areas, or when the prefrontal cortex is weakened by factors such as stress, anxiety, lack of sleep or cognitive overload. If your prefrontal cortex is offline, simply trying harder won’t work.
Beware of ‘shoulds’
We often tell ourselves we “should” engage in a certain behaviour. “I should go for a walk.” “I should get to bed earlier.” “I should call my friend.” Shoulds seem innocent, yet focusing on what you should do fuels internalized pressure and a sense of guilt. Shoulds may motivate you in the short term, but they can trigger self-criticism and a sense of threat and increase cortisol levels. This can impair the prefrontal cortex and make it difficult to implement consistent changes.
Pivot to your values
Self-affirmation theory suggests that connecting with values, or the “why” behind behaviour, lowers cortisol levels and expands perspective, making stressors feel smaller. This supports the prefrontal cortex’s ability to regulate behaviour.
Values also provide a continuing source of motivation to engage in certain behaviours because they are an expression of identity. Each time we engage in a values-based behaviour, there is an “internal hit” of meaning more robust than an external reward. This allows habits to become self-reinforcing. We do them because the behaviour allows us to feel like ourselves.
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While willpower focuses on restriction, values-based habits are about expansion, choice and flexibility. Values are like a compass. They point us in the direction we want to go and allow us to take steps to get there over time, rather than having to reach a rigid target immediately.
Shifting from the inflexible, all-or-nothing mindset of willpower to the flexibility of values-based choice transforms habits from a series of chores we must endure into a resilient, daily practice of becoming who we want to be.
Try these strategies for building values-based habits.
Write down your why
Spend a couple of minutes writing down why a behaviour is important to you. Consider how it aligns with your larger values. For example, you may set a goal to practise a mindfulness meditation exercise three times a week. This practice may enable you to feel calmer and more grounded, which aligns with your value of internal peace.
Tap into your sense of identity
What is it about a behaviour that you identify with? Perhaps you don’t love exercise, yet you identify as someone who values being active with your family. Instead of “I should” statements, focus on the qualities you want to exhibit and your sense of identity. Complete the following prompt: “I am the type of person who cares about …”
Start small and name your value
Small specific actions that align with your values build sustainable habits. You can use the formula: small action + value it honours = sustainable habit.
For example, you may take the small action of putting your phone away each evening at 8 p.m. because you value being present with your family. Explicitly naming the value the behaviour supports tells your brain it is important, which helps the prefrontal cortex prioritize the behaviour and reinforces what is meaningful to you.
Jennifer Caspari, PhD, is a registered psychologist in British Columbia. She works at Tall Tree Integrated Health in Vancouver and is the author of You Are More Than Your Body.
