How parents can talk to kids about the shooting in Tumbler Ridge, B.C. | Canada Voices

Ask a Child Psychologist offers insights and advice on navigating youth emotional and mental well-being. It is not a substitute for professional psychological or medical advice.

The mass shooting in Tumbler Ridge has shaken many people across British Columbia and throughout the country.

Even if you are not directly connected to the community, events such as this can feel deeply unsettling. When violence erupts in a school, it disrupts our shared sense of safety. You may notice difficulty concentrating, interrupted sleep, irritability or a strong pull to keep checking the news. Families may feel a heightened need to check in on one another. Children and teenagers may respond differently. Some may withdraw. Others may ask repeated questions. Some may seem unaffected at first.

These reactions are normal.

In the immediate aftermath of tragedy, we are often in what I would describe as the shock period. Information is incomplete. Details shift. Images repeat. Emotions run high. In this phase, how we respond matters.

Based on my work with children and families after sudden loss and community trauma, here is some advice for the days ahead.

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1. Be intentional about media exposure

Repeated exposure to breaking news – particularly graphic or emotionally charged coverage – increases distress without increasing understanding.

Choose one or two reliable sources and check for updates at specific times rather than continuously. Avoid having television news running in the background. Be mindful of what children may overhear or see on your phone or tablet.

Staying informed is important. Saturating your nervous system is not.

2. Regulate yourself first

Before speaking to your children – or anyone else – check in with your own emotional state.

Slow your tone. Take a breath. Lower the emotional temperature in your home. Children take their cues from the adults around them. When we are measured and calm, they feel safer.

Calm does not mean you are untouched by what happened. It means you are steady enough to guide others through it.

3. Support children and teenagers differently

Younger children generally need brevity and reassurance. If they ask about what happened, answer clearly and simply: “Something very sad and scary happened at a high school and home in British Columbia. Some people were hurt and some people died. The police responded, and there is no more danger.”

Avoid graphic details or speculation. Answer the question that is asked – not the one you anticipate. You do not need a long conversation. You just need to be available for their questions.

Teenagers may require something different. Because this occurred at a high school, adolescents may feel particularly affected. They are more likely to follow news coverage closely, encounter graphic content online and engage in intense peer discussions. They are also developmentally equipped to think about justice, safety and risk in more complex ways.

Do not assume silence means indifference. Ask open-ended questions: “What are you hearing?”, “How are people talking about this at school?”, or “What’s your take?”

Listen more than you speak. Validate their reactions without escalating them. If emotions run high – anger, fear, cynicism – remain measured. Your role is to provide stability, not debate.

Encourage breaks from constant scrolling. Social media can amplify distress quickly.

4. Maintain routine and make yourself available

In times of uncertainty, predictability is protective.

For most families, daily life continues. Keeping those routines steady is helpful. Maintain regular bedtimes, take kids to their activities and eat meals together when you can. Stability communicates security.

You do not need to initiate long discussions about Tuesday’s events. Instead, make yourself available. Sit nearby. Drive them where they need to go. Leave space for questions. Let them know you are open to talking – today, tomorrow or next week.

Children often process difficult events in waves. Your steady presence matters more than a single well-crafted conversation.

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5. Lean into community – and seek support if needed

In the shock phase of tragedy, isolation amplifies fear. Connection reduces it.

Check in on neighbours. Reach out to teachers. Attend a community gathering or vigil if appropriate. Offer practical support where you can.

For children – and adults – seeing people come together restores a sense of safety. It communicates that even when terrible things happen, communities respond with responsibility and care.

It is normal for both adults and children to experience temporary sleep disruption, irritability, tearfulness or increased worry. There is no single “right” reaction.

However, if distress intensifies, persists beyond the initial shock period or begins to interfere with daily functioning, it may be helpful to seek professional support. School counsellors, family physicians and mental health professionals can provide guidance.

How we respond in the days ahead matters – in our homes, in our schools and in our communities. Steady, thoughtful leadership helps children and families feel safe again.

Dr. Jillian Roberts is a research professor of educational psychology at the University of Victoria. She is also a practising registered psychologist in British Columbia, Alberta, Yukon and the Northwest Territories. She specializes in child and adolescent development, family therapy and inclusive education.