It’s not uncommon for older adults to experience loneliness. Elements like retirement, having older children who aren’t around as much, and changing abilities can create a sense of isolation, and this is especially true for 2SLGBTQ+ elders.
Yes, elderly queer people exist. In fact, there’s a vibrant, trailblazing group of people right here in Calgary, connected through the non-profit Rainbow Elders.
“We know that social isolation and loneliness are major issues for aging members of our gay community,” reads the group’s website. “Therefore, we work to provide support and friendship by organizing safe social events such as picnics in the park, coffee socials, evenings out, and monthly meetups where folks can chat, be themselves, and feel safe.”
Lightyears ahead
When Heather Nicholson moved to Canada at the turn of the millennium, it was for one core reason: It wasn’t illegal to be gay.
Nicholson was living in Utah when she came out at age 35, and while her community was generally quite accepting, Nicholson needed to live in a place where she could “be legit.” Upon arriving in Halifax, she attended an early Pride March that had fewer than 500 people, many of whom wore bags over their heads for fear of being recognized and facing personal and professional consequences.
“People are still afraid today, but a lot of us have come to a point where we don’t need to hide from anything,” explains Nicholson. “In this country, we get to be who we are, just like everyone else. Canada is light years ahead of many countries.”
Nicholson moved to Calgary three years ago at 62, whereupon she quickly volunteered at a gala for the Stonewall Recovery Centre. While there, she saw a group of older queer people dressed fancily in rainbow colours, and just like that, Nicholson knew she had found her people. She began attending Rainbow Elders meet-ups and is now a member of the board of directors.
Comfort in community
The Rainbow Elders do all sorts of fun, low-cost things together. This weekend, they’re participating in a lawn bowling tournament. Later this summer, they’ll go birdwatching in Inglewood. Once a month, they’ll have a special guest come to a meeting for a chat. The most recent speaker was Daphne Dike-Hart, founder and executive director of Black Pride YYC, who Johnston describes as “effervescent” and “so much fun.”
But the group also engages in important outreach. The Rainbow Elders helped conduct a housing needs assessment for aging 2SLGBTQ+ people, where they discovered that many queer elders will go back into the closet when transfered to long-term care facilities, often due to a fear of mistreatment from staff and other residents.
The Rainbow Elders visit these facilities and speak to carers about the gaps in social connection for 2SLGBTQ+ seniors in long-term care, and what can be done to meet their needs. They also chat with the residents, many of whom prove that growing old doesn’t mean a person can’t evolve with the times.
“It’s about education. Language is evolving, and change can be difficult, so we’re creating those conversations within nursing home facilities,” says Johnston.
Another element of community outreach involves spending time with the younger generation. The Rainbow Elders have discussions at the Mount Royal University Pride Centre every so often, and as Johnston explains, it means a great deal to the students who attend.
“By seeing us in the flesh, they know that their young lives don’t have to end early. We want them to continue to grow and prosper, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.”
The missing generation
If you look through photographs of the Rainbow Elders, you’ll notice it’s made up mostly of women.
“We lost so many due to the AIDS crisis,” says Johnston. “A whole generation of young men. It’s criminal, but it’s the reality. We’re the survivors of that age group.”
And Johnston isn’t even a senior senior, AKA, a member who is in their 80s or 90s.
“Everything had to be hidden at that time. I hear the history of the lives of gay and lesbian people in the fifties and sixties, and am absolutely frightened of the things they had to go through. You could get arrested for wearing the wrong clothing. Women were much less harassed than men, but to be an effeminate gay man could be a very dangerous place to be.”
That’s why community amongst older 2SLGBTQ+ people is so important. They understand not just the intricacies of aging, but what it was like growing up queer in an era where you’d be discriminated against at best, and killed at worst. But despite a bleak history, no one knows joy like the queer community, and for Johnston, much of that joy comes from a place of love.
“Love is real,” she says. “It’s tangible. It’s human. And that’s why it’s so important to be able to show affection in public. When my girlfriend and I walk down the street and hold hands, it’s not as sisters. It’s about romance, affection, and the freedom to be who we are. And that’s what the young people need to see.”
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