I’m a dental surgeon but people assume I’m a hygienist. How can I correct their sexist bias without being rude? | Canada Voices

Real Talk is a relationship advice column featuring questions from readers and answers from experts. Some details may be changed to protect the privacy of the people profiled. It is not a substitute for seeking professional psychological or medical advice.

Have a problem? Tell us about it here.

Our reader Lynn from Lunenburg, N.S. writes:

I am a retired female periodontal surgeon. I worked hard in my career and was highly regarded in my community. I retired to a small town in Nova Scotia but kept my license plate which says, “Floss.” When people see it, they ask if I was a dental hygienist or assistant, never a dentist or periodontist. I have been asked this over and over again.

I went to dental school half a century ago, and I still get these types of comments. I don’t know how to respond without pointing out how sexist their questions are. My daughter, a professional engineer, blames this on my generation. I want to be polite, but I am also offended. How should I respond?

From the expert: Samantha Dodson, PhD, assistant professor at the Haskayne School of Business, University of Calgary.

As someone who has worked hard to achieve a certain level of professional status, I can empathize with your frustration when people make inaccurate assumptions about your career and education. You are not alone in what you are experiencing.

Research shows that people still assume men are more likely to be physicians and dentists, even though these professions now have over 40 per cent female representation in Canada. Additionally, dental hygienists are among the most gender-segregated careers in the world, so it’s understandable that people jump to the conclusion that you were a hygienist, rather than a surgeon. It reflects what they have seen.

There have been positive shifts in female representation in many male-dominated fields, such as dentistry, but biases about what women can and should do in their careers have changed more slowly. These expectations are often unconscious, formed from a young age and hard to shake.

When people assume you are a dental hygienist or assistant instead of a surgeon, you are experiencing what is called a microaggression. Microaggressions are subtle, everyday snubs toward people of historically under-represented groups. Often, microaggressions are not intentional, and may not even seem like a big deal at the time. However, research has found that experiencing microaggressions repeatedly can feel like a death by a thousand cuts.

The good news is that there are ways we can address subtle biases when they arise in conversation, which I teach my students in my equity, diversity and inclusion courses.

A friend of 20 years has been talking behind my back. How should I handle it?

There are a few ways you could respond when people ask if you are a hygienist or dental assistant. One simple option is to say, “Actually, I was a periodontal surgeon.” This straightforward correction is unlikely to come across as rude. You can leave it at that or, if you want to take it a step further, you could then gently challenge the assumption. When responding to bias and stereotypes (whether sexist, racist or homophobic), it’s often more effective to “call in” rather than “call out.” Calling someone out can trigger defensiveness, whereas calling them in invites reflection and learning.

For instance, after correcting the assumption, you could reinforce your point with a quick fact or example. Perhaps you could say something like, “Did you know that roughly 40 per cent of dentists in Canada are women? It’s a pretty impressive statistic considering there were fewer than 100 female dentists in the entire country six decades ago.”

Another option, when asked about your licence plate, might be: “I’m passionate about flossing because it dramatically reduces the risk of gum disease. As a periodontal surgeon, I treated many patients who could have avoided surgery with basic oral hygiene.”

Help! Politics is ruining my book club. What should I do?

Another effective strategy is to question the assumption. For example, you might ask why they concluded you were a dental hygienist or assistant, or whether they’ve ever been treated by a female dentist. Questions like these can prompt people to reflect on their assumptions without feeling attacked.

If someone continues to discount your career, you may need to shift to a more direct, “call out” approach. You could say, “I’ve noticed that you keep referring to me as a dental hygienist. While that’s a wonderful profession, I’ve mentioned that I was a periodontal surgeon. It’s frustrating to feel like that isn’t being recognized.”

Finally, in some cases, you may decide that the person or the setting is simply not worth your time and energy. Walk away, with your head held high, knowing that you were a pioneer in your profession, easing the way for all the women who came after you in dentistry.

As told to Gayle MacDonald. Responses have been edited and condensed.