Jurassic Park Super Bowl commercial de-ages actors beyond belief

I have no skin in the Super Bowl LX face-off between the Seattle Seahawks and New England Patriots — go, sports, go — but I can’t help but await the commercials. The ridiculous, the cringe, the overly earnest beer ads full of horses… lay it all on me. Still, if Xfinity’s Jurassic Park-themed spot is any indication, this year might be a test of how barbaric the excessive spending can get without breaking my brain.

Using scenes out of Steven Spielberg’s original 1993 film and newly de-aged footage of stars Laura Dern, Sam Neill, and Jeff Goldblum, the commercial imagines how the events of Jurassic Park may have gone if Xfinity internet had been around to power the sabotaged security network. Answer: Vacation finds a way. With the dinos all in their pens, Ellie Sattler, Alan Grant, and Ian Malcolm are free to lounge by the pool and take selfies with the T. rex.

Unfortunately, the genetic splicing of ’90s classic and de-aged septuagenarian performances looks creepy as hell!! It was only a few years back in Jurassic World: Dominion when we saw the original trio return to their age-appropriate roles. Now Comcast has turned back the clock — but also set Jurassic Park in a present where Grant can livestream on Instagram or something? The ad wizards were so preoccupied with whether or not they could that they didn’t stop to think if they should.

Now, a definitive ranking of de-aging in Xfinity’s Jurassic Park Super Bowl commercial, from least to most bizarre-looking:

3. Laura Dern as OG Ellie Sattler

Dern was only 26 when she appeared in Spielberg’s film, and frankly, she doesn’t look that de-aged 33 years later! If anything, we still don’t have the technology to successfully insert a running actor into a flock of Gallimimus.

2. Jeff Goldblum as OG Ian Malcolm

Image: Xfinity

These days, de-aging effects are near perfect for actors who remain completely stationary, as Dr. Malcolm does in his poolside chair. The trick is less successful if the main actor is, say, walking toward a giant pile of shrimp. (But Goldblum’s delivery of “That’s one big pile of shrimp” is gold.)

1. Sam Neill as OG Alan Grant

Image: Xfinity

How dare someone do this to international treasure Sam Neill.