Sangita Patel is Streets of Toronto’s advice columnist and was previously an entertainment reporter with ET Canada. She lives in Toronto with her husband and two daughters.
Dear Sangita: I’ve been single for a while and have been asking my friends to set me up on some blind dates. The problem is that they keep setting me up with the absolute worst picks, men who are frankly ugly and boring. Do my friends really think these people are my physical and intellectual matches? I’m considering nicely asking them to stop, please… or being up front with them and asking them why their matches are such duds. — Doomed dating diaries
Dear Doomed: It’s a new dating world. I’m sure your friends think highly of you; there just aren’t a ton of options out there! You should appreciate that they’re trying to help; they’re not just picking a random guy from a crowd for the blind dates, they likely just don’t have that many friends that they have an abundance of choice when it comes to looks or personality. They’re not suggesting these men are the perfect match for you; they’re just trying to help. I think, as you get older, you have higher expectations — you want a certain look or a certain quality, and you’re not willing to try other things. Sure, a guy might be ugly, but he also might be the nicest guy in the world! Loosen up a bit on your standards, because you might meet someone who isn’t what you were expecting but is the right match for you.
Dear Sangita: I love my boyfriend, but I hate his couple friends. If we get married, I know we’re only going to spend even more time with this one pair, and I don’t think I can stand it. My boyfriend seems to have no issues with them at all, and I don’t want to hurt his feelings by insulting his friends. What do I do? — Fourth wheel
Dear Fourth: I’ve been in this scenario too. If you do get married or end up having kids, relationships often evolve, so don’t panic about having them in your life forever just yet. I do think your boyfriend should be noticing that you’re not having the best time with these people and not force the relationship on you. You can say to him, “I think they’re great people, but I don’t want to spend all our time with them.” When you marry someone, you have a life together, and then you have your own life. In this situation, you can figure out how to deal with them once in a while and do the occasional couple things that you don’t want to do, but the rest of the time focus on your own friends.
Have a question about love, relationships or life for Sangita? Send it to [email protected] or submit it here.
More from Sangita:
Dear Sangita: I snooped through my partner’s phone and I found something concerning. The question is: Do I go back into his phone to see if he’s still talking to people? Or do I admit to my boyfriend that I snooped and ask him straight out if he’s still using it?
Dear Sangita: I’m engaged to a married man. He was supposed to have mailed in the paperwork before he proposed to me, but I found out after that some documents were missing when he did. Was I wrong for calling off the wedding?
Dear Sangita: My New Year’s resolution is to break up with my awful boyfriend and start dating his best friend! His best friend is just a much better fit for me. Neither of us have acted on it, but I want to. How do I do this without breaking up their friendship?
